


The Secrets Baby Holds

by CoffeeDrip



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Accountant Castiel, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bigotry & Prejudice, Bisexual Dean, Cheating, Cheating Castiel, Coming Out, Consensual Infidelity, Divorce, F/F, F/M, Gay Castiel, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Infidelity, LARPing, M/M, Mechanic Dean, Post-Divorce, Pregnancy, Religious Guilt, Switching, Unhappy marriage, Unplanned Pregnancy, repressed homosexuality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-03-15 05:16:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 44,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3434939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeDrip/pseuds/CoffeeDrip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel was happily married. Except that he wasn't, and both he and Daphne knew it. When he meets Dean Winchester, he finds himself unable, and unwilling, to repress a side of himself Daphne was trying so hard to cover up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> No BETA.  
> Rated explicit for later chapters.

Daphne Allen was a good woman. She was kind and generous, working as the secretary for the parish church and giving selflessly of her time to those in need. She had a gentle smile that traveled up her face to her hazel eyes and truly showed how much she cared, and a voice like an angel. 

And a temper. Oh, she didn’t show it much, but Daphne’s Irish heritage came through in her fiery fury whenever she was particularly angry about something. Like Castiel’s car breaking down. Again. Yeah, Daphne was going to be mad when she found out that he was now standing on the side of the road next to the golden Lincoln Continental she hated so much and he refused to get rid of. 

Cas sighed, and ran a hand through his already disheveled dark hair as he dialed the familiar number of Singer’s Auto. 

“Singer’s,” came the gruff voice of the owner after two rings. 

“Hello Bobby, it’s Castiel Allen,” Cas said sheepishly. 

“Boy, is that gold monstrosity of yours giving you trouble again?” He could just see the look on the old man’s face as he listened to his words. 

“It appears so. I’m stuck out here on Route 16,” Cas looked around at the rural scenery of the road that took him from work to home every day. It wasn’t the first time he’d been stranded out here, and as long as he kept the Lincoln, it probably wouldn’t be the last. 

“How far out of town?” Bobby asked, and Castiel informed him of a more exact location. “Alright, I’m gonna send one of my boys out with the tow truck,” the old man said. “Should be about 15.” 

 

It was closer to 20 minutes later when Castiel saw the familiar blue and white tow truck headed his way. He’d been towed back into town on the thing so many times since he’d moved here that he could tell the thing was getting close just from the roar of the engine. However, Cas was surprised to see a man climb out of the cab that he didn’t recognize. He thought he was acquainted with all of the people who worked for Bobby, but apparently he was wrong. 

“Castiel Allen?” The other man asked, stepping toward him with a clipboard in hand. Cas nodded. 

“Yes, that’s me. And you are?” 

“Dean. Dean Winchester. Bobby’s my uncle,” the other man - Dean - introduced himself. He had short, sandy colored hair and a face covered in freckles. When he extended his hand to shake Castiel’s, Cas caught sight of a pair of brilliant green eyes under long lashes. 

“Pleasure to meet you, Dean. You in town permanently, or just visiting Bobby?” Cas said as he shook the proffered hand. 

“I just moved here. Needed a change of scenery. Seems like you are a regular client of Singer’s?” Dean moved around the car then, assessing the situation. Cas followed him at a safe distance. 

“I seem to be. My wife hates this car, but I can’t find it in myself to get rid of her,” he replied. Dean hummed in acknowledgement as he popped the hood to look inside. 

“Ah, yeah, Bobby told me you’re married to old Father Zach’s girl… what’s her name? Debbie?” 

“Daphne,” Cas corrected. “You know her?” 

“‘eh, more like I know of her. My brother’n’I used to stay with Bobby in the summers and once in a while he’d drag us over to Father Zach’s service.” Dean replied. He was checking the fluid levels of the Continental now, and Cas took a moment to admire how at ease he seemed to be with the car. 

“Please, don’t let my father-in-law hear you call him that. He hates for his name to be shortened,” Cas commented. 

“That’s not surprising,” Dean laughed. He swiped a hand over his forehead and turned to face Cas, who smiled. 

“You, uh, have something on your face,” Cas pointed out to him. Dean ran the side of his hand back across his brow, only succeeding in smearing the oil that was smudged onto his skin a bit more. “Yeah, that’s not helping. Here, let me assist.” Cas pulled a tissue from the pocket of his overcoat, a long trench coat that his wife was also not fond of, and handed it to Dean. 

Dean took the tissue with a wry grin. “Thanks, man,” he said, scrubbing at the top part of his face vigorously. “So anyway, looks like you’ve got a belt problem here, and might have a couple issues associated with that, won’t know til we get her in the shop. So, let’s get her loaded up and we’ll take a closer look.” 

“This old car is a money pit,” Cas said with a sigh. “I know it’d be cheaper just to junk her and buy a new one, but I can’t bring myself to.”

“Don’t worry about explaining yourself to me, man. My car is a 1967. Although she’s always in top condition, can’t let my baby down.” Dean grinned, and Cas felt himself smiling back. “Alright, why don’t you go hop in the truck and I’ll get Goldie here on the bed?” 

Cas nodded, and hauled himself into the cab of the tow truck, where he was greeted with the sound of classic rock and a “new car smell” scented air freshener. As he settled himself into the seat he contemplated calling Daphne to let her know about the situation, but in the end, he slipped the phone back into the pocket of his coat. Perhaps Dean could fix the car immediately, and if he paid for it out of his personal savings, Daphne would be none the wiser. He felt a little guilty at the thought of tricking his wife, but he wasn’t in the mood for her normal tirade about his “unreliable, gas guzzling, money siphoning pimp car.” 

He only hoped the car could be fixed today. Daphne would be at the church until well after 8 p.m., since it was choir practice night, which would give him a nice window to have the repair completed. 

He startled when Dean popped open the driver’s side door and jumped up into the seat beside him. “Sorry man, didn’t mean to scare you,” he apologized.

“It’s not a problem,” Castiel assured him as the other man maneuvered the truck back onto the road. “How soon do you think you can get her fixed?” 

“Can’t say for sure, won’t know until I get her in the garage and take a closer look,” Dean answered. “Why, you got a hot date you don’t want to miss?” The sandy haired man winked at him then, and Cas could feel a blush climbing up his neck. He hadn’t been attracted to another man in a long time, not since college, not since Daphne had dragged him into a church group under the guise of helping him overcome his “homosexual demons”. But Dean was friendly, and handsome, and Cas felt some of that attraction he had repressed for so long bubble to the surface at that wink and smile. 

“Ah, no. Daphne won’t be home until quite late tonight. I was just hoping I could avoid telling her about my little mishap today. She wants to have kids, and wants to buy a safer car. This would be just another reason for her to push,” Castiel explained. 

“Seems like the Daphne I remember,” Dean replied. “So no little Allen babies running around out there now?” 

“No. Honestly, she’s the one who wants children. I am… uncertain,” he confessed. In truth, the topic of having kids had strained their already tumultuous marriage. The car was just an excuse for Daphne to push the issue, although he wasn’t prepared to unload that information on this complete stranger, handsome or not. 

“I get it. I wasn’t ready to be a dad when my son was born. But, he was the best thing that ever happened to me,” Dean admitted. 

“You have a family?” Cas asked, feeling some traitorous part of his heart fall at the news. Not that he had any reason to feel that way. He didn’t even know Dean. And he was married. 

“Just Ben, but he lives with his mom. She and I were engaged but things fell apart, it’s why I moved back here to help Bobby. And I have Sammy of course, but he lives in California.” 

“How long have you been back here, Dean?” 

“A few weeks. Bobby rented me the apartment above the shop,” the other man replied. “I’m just glad I had someplace to go after Lisa and I called it quits.” 

“Are you far from your son, living here?” Cas inquired after a few minutes of surprisingly comfortable silence. Dean smiled. 

“Nah, just a couple of hours. Seems like a lot to some people, but I love being on the road. It’s a perfect set up,” the other man responded. He was drumming his hands on the steering wheel of the truck along with the music. It was refreshing to see someone enjoy music for more than just the ability to use it in praise of God, as Daphne’s family did. 

The two men fell into casual conversation, and found themselves pulling into Singer’s Auto before they knew it. Dean was friendly, and seemed to find Cas’ social awkwardness endearing. Daphne was always saying that he should make some friends, and Castiel thought that perhaps Dean Winchester could make a good one. 

“Alright, Cas, I’m gonna get your old girl into the bay and dig into that engine. You know your way around, right?” 

“Of course,” he replied, climbing down from the truck. He waved at Dean and headed inside of Singer’s. The waiting area was small, but there was always coffee brewed, and Bobby had sprung for an extensive lineup of channels for the small flat screen mounted on one wall. As usual, there was no one else inside, and Cas made himself comfortable on one of the larger couches, prepared to wait.


	2. Chapter 2

He hadn’t intended to fall asleep, but two hours later, Bobby was nudging Cas awake. The sky outside had darkened, and the tv in the waiting room was off. He ran a hand through his messy dark hair and sat up. 

“Hey boy, don’t you have a wife to get home to?” Bobby asked. Cas looked at his cell phone, and yawned. 

“Choir practice tonight, Bobby. I thought maybe the Continental would be finished before. I take it that it isn’t?” 

“Dean’s been in that thing’s engine for the better part of $150 worth of labor alone,” the old man replied with a grin. “But I don’t think he’s gonna get her finished up tonight. Not even sure he’s certain what all is ailing her. That boy might be determined, but I won’t let him stay any later than I do.” 

Cas stood up off of the chair and stretched, trying to work the kink out of his neck that had formed during his period of awkward sleep. “No, no, of course not. I don’t want him to spend his entire night on my car just because I don’t want to tell Daphne about it,” he said. 

“Alright then. Do you need a ride home?” Bobby offered as Castiel shrugged on his trenchcoat. Castiel nodded, and followed Bobby out the door. 

 

As was normal on choir nights, Daphne arrived home at about 8:30. Castiel had microwaved himself a pre-packaged meal for dinner and was settled into his favorite spot in the living room when she arrived. Her presence was announced with the “tink” of her keys into the dish by the door, enough of a signal for Cas to know to change the channel away from the “Dr. Sexy” rerun he had been watching and to a History Channel documentary instead. 

His wife followed no more than a handful of seconds later, smiling as she bent to kiss him gently. 

“Hello, dear. How was your day?” She asked, sweeping her long hair back behind one ear and taking a seat on the couch beside him. “Where is the car?” 

“Oh, it’s at Singer’s,” he replied, cringing as he watched the smile fall from Daphne’s face. 

“Again? We only just put $700 into that thing last month!” 

“I know, Daph…” Castiel murmured, and his wife reached forward to take his hand. 

“Castiel… I know how attached you are to that car. But, don’t you want for us to be safe?” Daphne’s expression was open and pleading. “When we have kids, I don’t want to be worrying constantly about the car breaking down.” 

Castiel rubbed the space between his eyes with his free hand, before looking back over at his wife. She was not an unattractive woman, with shoulder-length, straight, brown hair and expressive eyes that shifted color with the light. Daphne took pride in her appearance, and in her life, and she liked to be in control. He knew she was not going to stop trying to get him to give up the Continental until she had gotten her own way. But he wasn’t in the mood to discuss it at that moment. 

“Let’s just see what’s wrong with it,” he suggested. “If the cost is too high, we can discuss it further. I’ve had a long day, and I just want to relax some before bed.” Daphne nodded, and squeezed his hand. 

“Yes, of course,” she agreed. “Will you be coming to Wednesday night service with me tomorrow? Father was hoping that he could speak with you about a new program he wants to start up for youth.” 

“Well, if he wants to see me, I will make an effort to be there,” Castiel replied. Daphne leaned forward and kissed him again. 

“Thank you. I’m going to take a long bath. Will you be up to bed soon?” 

Castiel knew this rouse all too well, too. Daphne only mentioned such things when she wished to be intimate. Thankfully, he was still feeling awake from his unplanned nap at the auto shop, and told her as much. His wife knew his answer for what it was, and dropped the matter as she headed up the stairs. Cas let his head fall back against the couch and sighed. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy sex. He supposed he enjoyed it about as much as he could, given the circumstances. But before he met Daphne, Castiel had never even thought about a woman in a sexual manner. Not once did a woman feature into any of his fantasies. Even after the two of them began dating, he found himself uninclined to think about her in that way. He tried, for her sake, because she was certain he could overcome his sinful thoughts if she loved him enough. And since Castiel had never actually been with a man, he couldn’t say for certain that things would be any better if he was faced with a penis and sharp lines instead of curves and a vagina. 

He tried to give Daphne what she wanted, but tonight, he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his thoughts from straying to green eyes and freckled skin. Daphne deserved better than that. So, instead, he turned up the volume on “Ancient Aliens” and let it lull him into a comfortable stupor. 

 

Cas borrowed the church minivan to get to the hospital the following day, ignoring his father-in-law’s look as he took the keys from the office and headed out. He was fairly certain Daphne told her father just about everything, so Zachariah likely knew that the Continental was in the shop again, and Daphne was fed up. 

He hadn’t heard from Singer’s by the time he got off work, and had evening services to prepare for immediately after. Daphne looked pleased as he adjusted his tie and attempted to smooth his unruly hair. 

“You are a handsome man, Castiel Allen,” she said. 

“I think you need your eyes checked,” he responded with a laugh, and dropped a kiss to the top of her head before pulling on his trench coat. 

Wednesday night services were more intimate than Sunday mornings. The crowd was smaller, and the atmosphere more welcoming. Castiel preferred them to the more hectic Sunday services. He and Daphne sat in the front row, just below the pulpit, and he did not have to pretend to be interested in the sermon. Despite his conflicted nature, Castiel had deep faith. It was this faith that had led him to the college chapel the night he had met Daphne. 

After services on Sundays, Castiel would escape as quickly as possible back to their home, but he stayed to mingle on Wednesday evenings. It made Daphne happy, and this week he knew Zachariah wished to talk with him, so he stuck around. And when his gaze fell on an unexpected face in the crowd, he was happy he was there. 

Dean Winchester made his way toward him, grinning as he did so. “Hey Cas!” 

“Dean! What are you doing here?” He asked, returning the other man’s friendly smile. 

“Well, you didn’t stop by the shop today, Bobby said he figured you’d be here. I wanted to tell you that I should have your Gold Monster finished up for you tomorrow,” the green-eyed mechanic seemed pleased with himself. 

“Thank you, Dean. But there was really no reason for you to inconvenience yourself, I could have called in the morning,” Cas responded, returning the other man’s smile. 

“No inconvenience, Cas. I meant to drop by a service one of these days to see the ‘ol place, and it’s not like I’ve got anything better to do,” Dean said. 

“Thank you, Dean. I do appreciate it,” Cas began, before he was interrupted by a soft hand on his arm. “Oh, Daphne! This is Dean, he is repairing my car for me.” 

“Dean Winchester - it has been a long time!” Daphne greeted, looping her arm through Castiel’s. “You’re working for Bobby now?” 

Dean turned his dazzling smile on the woman 

“Daphne! Look at you, you grew up beautiful!” Daphne blushed. “Yeah, Uncle Bobby is grooming me to take over the shop if I want. He’s not getting any younger you know.” 

“It’s good to see you again Dean. I heard about your engagement, such a shame. Perhaps you can find a good girl right here in town. We’re happy to have you back.” Daphne kissed Cas on the cheek and left the two men behind as she continued to make her rounds of the church parishioners. 

“She hasn’t changed at all,” Dean commented as they watched Castiel’s wife walk away. “Still a force of nature.” Cas chuckled. 

“You have no idea,” he replied. “Anyway, I really appreciate you coming by. I will borrow the van for work again tomorrow and then stop by the shop after work, if that’s alright?” 

“Sounds good! Here, take my card - that’s my personal cell number. Call if anything changes?” Dean handed him a business card, sleek and glossy featuring what Castiel assumed was his own beloved Impala on the front. 

“Sure,” he agreed. “Now if you’ll excuse me, my father-in-law wishes to speak with me. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Looking forward to it,” Dean said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a bit short and dull - it's setting things up for later. 
> 
> I promise the next one will be up sooner!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter to keep you all happy.

The following day found Castiel agitated and unfocused at work. The previous evening’s discussion with Zachariah had left him unsettled and he had slept uneasily throughout the night. While he got on well with Daphne’s father on most occasions, he knew Daphne had told him more about his own past than he cared for the man to know. 

Zachariah had decided to begin a new youth program, giving area youth the opportunity to complete community service in conjunction with the county parole offices. It was a great idea, and Cas was happy to have been asked to assist. However, it had been the other man’s parting remark that had Castiel on edge. 

“I think it’d be a great opportunity to show them how faith can change one from their sinful lives, don’t you, Castiel?” the other man had asked. Something in his voice had left Cas squirming and uncomfortable, and the feeling hadn’t passed in the intervening hours. 

When the time finally came for him to clock out, Castiel was happy to have something else to look forward to - getting his own car back, so he could stop driving around the van emblazoned with the church logo and catchphrase on the side. 

He wondered absently on the drive if he should call the shop to make sure the Continental was finished, but decided in the end just to drop by. He left the van at the church and snuck away as quickly as he could before Daphne noticed he was there, easily walking the few blocks to Singer’s Automotive. 

“Afternoon, Castiel,” Bobby greeted him gruffly as he entered the lobby. 

“Hello, Bobby. Any news on my car?”

“I think Dean has her just about finished up. Why don’t you go have a seat and I’ll go check in with him,” the older man suggested. Cas nodded, peeling off his coat as he headed into the other room. He poured himself a cup of coffee, and plopped down in the same chair he had fallen asleep in before after swiping the remote off of the stand. Aimlessly he flipped through the channel guide, before finding a Dr. Sexy marathon on one of the local channels. 

It was the first time that day that Castiel had managed to relax. He settled into the chair and propped his head up against the wall with his trenchcoat balled into a makeshift pillow. 

“You’re a Dr. Sexy fan too?” 

Castiel startled as Dean walked into the room, wiping his hands on a grease-stained rag and grinning. 

“Guess my secret is out,” Cas replied, sitting up and moving to switch off the television. 

“Dude, no, that’s one of my favorite episodes!” Dean admonished, slapping the remote away from his hand and plunking himself down in the chair beside him like he had nothing better in the world to do. 

“You like Dr. Sexy?” Cas asked and Dean laughed. 

“Oh yeah. Like, got-the-entire-box-set-upstairs like. The dude is hot! And the nurses aren’t bad either,” the other man winked and laughed again. 

“Umm…” Cas wasn’t sure how to respond. His brain was awhirl with Dean-smell and the knowledge that he and Dean both found Dr. Sexy, well, sexy. 

“Oh, sorry man! I know your family is churchy, probably don’t think much of bisexuals,” Dean apologized and then it was Castiel’s turn to smile. 

“No need for apologies. While Zachariah and Daphne are very traditional, I myself am not. I must agree with you, Dr. Sexy is certainly hot,” he said. “I was merely startled at your statement. I never imagined you would like the show, let alone find the man attractive.”

“Oh yeah, he features into a lot of my fantasies, if you know what I mean,” Dean waggled his eyebrows and Cas felt himself coloring. “But I don’t want to embarrass you further. You might get a bad impression of me.” 

“I certainly don’t have a bad impression of you, Dean. In fact, I think you are a breath of fresh air,” Castiel admitted. “Nothing ever changes around here, and I don’t really have that many close friends. It gets tedious.” 

“Well, that’s good to know! I knew I liked you.” The two men locked eyes and Castiel couldn’t help flicking his tongue out to wet his bottom lip, a movement that he knew caught Dean’s attention. The moment lingered until Bobby stepped into the room and cleared his throat. 

“Just cause you’re my nephew doesn’t mean you can sit around here watching soap operas all day,” he admonished playfully. Dean chuckled, and pushed himself up out of his chair. 

“Yeah, yeah, Bobby I hear ya. C’mon Cas - I’ll show you your car and give you your damage,” Dean invited, offering a hand to help him up out of his seat. Cas took the assistance, guiltily admitting to himself that he did so merely for a reason to touch Dean’s skin. The contact was electric and sent a jolt straight to his groin. Hastily he pulled his arm away as soon as he was on his feet, and snatched his jacket off of the back of the chair to follow the other two men out into the shop. 

 

Twenty minutes later, Cas had paid his latest $850 bill and taken back possession of his car. He felt jittery again, and wasn’t sure how to calm his mind. He and Dean had fallen into a comfortable banter as they went over the specifics of the repairs, and he found himself responding to each slight, accidental touch in a way he never reacted with Daphne even when she was openly attempting to arouse him. 

If she was home, he thought he might be able to channel some of his edge into some intimate affections for her. If she wasn’t, Castiel feared he’d be forced to take matters into his own hands, quite literally. And he knew exactly where his mind would go in that situation. 

As he walked into the house, he heard the clatter of dishes in the kitchen, and let out a deep sigh. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed. Pulling a smile onto his face, he dropped his keys into the dish by the door and followed the scent of cooking meat into the kitchen. 

“Welcome home, dear,” Daphne greeted him, turning to accept a kiss on her cheek as she stood at the stove. “What took you so long?” 

“I stopped to pick up the car. It wasn’t quite finished when I got to the shop so I stuck around until it was ready. And Dean took the time to show me what he had done, so maybe next time I’ll be able to do some of the repairs myself,” he replied. He peeked over her shoulder to see what was cooking. 

“How much did that cost us this time?” She asked. 

“It didn’t cost you a dime. I used my savings,” he told her, reaching around her to dip his finger into the sauce she had simmering and taking a taste. “Mmm, that is good.” 

“Thank you!” Her face lit up at his compliment, and he figured now was as good time as any to pull her against him and press his lips to hers. 

“Would it matter if you finished that up in a little while?” He asked her, running his hands up her back to caress her neck. Daphne quickly caught on to his meaning and giggled. 

“I think it should be fine,” she whispered, turning off the stove and covering the pot in case the cat decided to adventure up onto the counter to investigate what was inside the dish.

The two of them made their way to the bedroom, discarding clothing as they went. It had been several months since they had been intimate and Daphne was eager to take advantage of her husband’s amorous mood. It was rare that he initiate anything, and he usually approached such situations halfheartedly. To see him so worked up was a unique and delightful thing. 

Castiel dragged her to the bed and pushed her on to it before he lost his arousal, and his nerve. Daphne was delightfully flushed with excitement and pulled him down to herself eagerly, kissing him deeply. Cas’ hands traveled down her body to her ass, which he gripped tightly, pulling her against himself. He moaned at the friction on his dick, and then rolled her over onto her stomach. Daphne pushed herself onto her hands and knees, looking over her shoulder at her husband, who gripped her hips tightly and held her steady as he penetrated her. His eyes were closed, his breath coming in shallow bursts as he thrust. Daphne dropped her head to the pillow and met him with a roll of her own hips, trying to draw out her own pleasure in light of the unusual circumstances. 

Cas’ pace became erratic as he approached completion. Just as Daphne felt him begin to swell, he pulled himself out of her and finished onto the small of her back. She sighed, and dropped herself onto the bed. Not only had she not reached climax herself, but the chances of conceiving from this were slim. 

“I will get a washcloth,” Castiel mumbled, ducking into their bedroom’s adjoining bathroom. He emerged a moment later and proceeded to clean up his wife’s back, as well as himself. 

“Well that was unexpected,” Daphne commented, sitting up and kissing him lightly. He smiled at her softly and turned away to put on some clothing. “I’m going to finish up dinner now, provided Kitty hasn’t gotten into it.” 

“Sounds good, I will be down in a few,” Cas replied. When he heard his wife walking down the stairs, he groaned and flopped onto his back on the rumpled bed. He knew he should be relaxed and sated, but instead he felt guilty, and that restless itch beneath his skin wasn’t gone. On top of that, he knew Daphne was disappointed that he had chosen not to finish inside of her. But he wasn’t ready to bring a child into his already complicated marriage. He wasn’t going to even touch the knowledge that he had been thinking about green eyes and freckles while buried inside of his wife. 

Castiel was well and truly in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If that sex scene seems poorly written and rushed, it was intentional. I felt it was appropriate to convey how the sex itself likely felt. Bad sex is no fun.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update for a while - hope you enjoy it! I need to focus on my DCBB for a bit! :)

Castiel hadn’t seen Dean in a couple of weeks, not since the day he had picked up his car from the shop. He had purposefully avoided Singer’s Auto, and kept to a simple routine of going to and from work, spending as much time at home as possible, and going out only to attend Church. He was attentive with Daphne as well, attempting to atone for his mental infidelity. 

However, in a small town like theirs, it was impossible to avoid someone forever, as Cas discovered when he arrived at the church’s annual picnic and spotted Dean, standing at the grill, giving cooking tips to his father-in-law. 

“How could I forget that Bobby comes to this each year?” he groaned to himself. Naturally, Dean would come with his uncle to the event. “Lets get this over with then.” 

Resigned to having to face Dean sooner, rather than later, Cas strode up to the grill. He plastered a smile on his face and greeted Zachariah and Dean. 

“Cas!” Dean exclaimed. “What have you been up to? I haven’t seen you around.” 

“Ah, yes, I have been busy,” he responded. Thinking that he might have found a way out, he asked Zachariah if he required assistance with any part of the picnic. “Happy to lend a hand with anything,” he added. 

“Thank you, Castiel! I actually need to check in on a few things - can you take over here?” The older man motioned to the grill with the spatula and Cas sighed. That was exactly what he didn’t want. 

“Sure thing,” he agreed with a smile, tucking himself away behind the grill as the other man slipped away. 

“How’ve you been, Cas?” Dean asked, leaning up against the pillar of the pavilion with a beer in his hand. Cas noted how much the other man’s freckles seemed to stand out against his skin in the sunlight, and cleared his throat before responding. 

“I have been ok. My car hasn’t broken down again so that is a plus,” he said with a grin. Dean took a swig of his bear, and Cas watched the muscles of his lean throat work with fascination. The distraction was enough for him to miss as the grill began to flare, flames shooting up to consume the hamburgers on its rack. “Oh shit!” He yelped, as he felt the heat lick at his arm. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” 

Castiel lept back away from the grill, and dashed to grab a bottle of water from the cooler on the nearby picnic table, which he tossed to Dean so the other man could pour it over the top of the food and douse the flames. 

It was Dean who broke the awkward silence the scene, and its vulgar language, had created. Without warning, the sandy-haired man broke into a full and uproarious laugh. Cas could feel the eyes of offended parents watching him as he returned to the cooking area, Dean continuing to snort and chuckle as he did so. 

“Dude, you moved so fast!” He managed to say, doubled over at the waste and gasping for breath, his eyes wet with tears. 

“Well if you were about to catch fire, wouldn’t you?” That only made Dean laugh harder. 

“You barely singed your arm hair!” Dean roared, tears now streaming down his cheeks. 

Cas shot him a look and stuck his tongue out at the other man. 

“Oh, real mature,” Dean countered, before proceeding to stick his own tongue out. Cas laughed at that, and Dean gave him a cocky grin. 

“What’s so funny over here, boys?” Daphne had wandered over while the two men were bantering, an amused look on her face and an empty platter - likely intended for the now burnt burgers - in her hands. 

“We had a minor incident,” Cas told her. She smiled, and brandished the platter toward him. 

“Are the burgers ready?” She asked. At this, Dean burst into another fit of laughter, simultaneously popping open the now-closed hood of the grill and waving frantically at the crisped hunks of meat inside. 

“That must be the incident?” Daphne raised an eyebrow and Cas nodded. “I’ll let daddy know we need more burgers.” She swiftly kissed her husband on the cheek and strode away. Dean recovered from his latest round of breathless laughing and wiped at his cheeks, grinning. 

“I am, admittedly, not great with the grill,” Cas confessed. “But you seem to know your way around - perhaps you could take over?” 

“Of course man.” Dean opened his hand for the spatula. When it was placed on his palm, he closed his hand around it and pointed it at the other man. “One condition. You gotta stand here and learn how to do it right.” The men traded places, and Dean showed Cas the basics of grill use until Daphne returned with a new platter of meat. 

“I suppose we shouldn’t entrust these with you, Castiel?” 

“Cas has graciously agreed to allow me to man the grill,” Dean said with a grin, that cocky grin that made Cas’ penis twitch with interest. He hurried to look away and heard Daphne laughing. Dean took the plate from Daphne. “I’m great at handling meat,” he said with a wink. 

“Dean!” Daphne flushed from her neck to the roots of her hair, obviously shocked. 

“Calm down, Daphne - I was joking!” Dean laughed, patting her on the shoulder. “You’re so red!” 

“Alright, well, you boys have fun,” Daphne waved awkwardly and hurried away from the grill, which made Dean laugh again. 

“Did you see her face? I totally forgot that she doesn’t know I swing both ways,” Dean remarked. He lined the burgers up on the grill. 

“Well, don’t tell her that, she won’t let us hang out anymore,” Cas took a swig from his beer and moved closer to watch Dean work. 

“Really? Why? I didn’t peg her as a bigot.” 

“It’s not the other people she worries about,” Cas answered honestly, before stopping to wonder if he was divulging too much. To cover up his hesitation he drank from his bottle again. Dean flipped a couple of patties and pushed the meat around on the grill to allow for more even cooking. When he realized Castiel wasn’t going to continue on his own, he decided to push the issue. 

“Hmm? I mean, any dude who is into other dick would be all over you. But you don’t like dudes, so why worry?” 

“Because… well. Dean, I haven’t known you long, and that is a story I would rather divulge someplace a bit less public, and with a lot more alcohol…” Cas admitted. In truth, he had never told anyone about how he met Daphne, and how he had ended up married to her. 

“Oh, ok Cas, I totally get it. Sorry I asked,” Dean apologized. 

“No, no, it’s ok Dean. Suffice it to say that Daphne worries. Now, why don’t you make good on your promise to teach me the intricacies of grilling?” Cas nudged Dean’s shoulder and the other man moved aside to allow Castiel room to view his work, the conversation dropped. 

 

Three hours later found Castiel well and truly drunk. He didn’t normally indulge in much alcohol but the strain of being around Dean, as well as Daphne and Zachariah, all day was making the hazy fog of drink quite appealing. 

“Cas, buddy, I think you’ve had enough,” Dean told him, grabbing his wrist to prevent him from reaching into the cooler for another beer. The green-eyed man seemed to be sobering a bit, having stopped drinking a while before. 

“‘Mfine,” Cas protested, slapping at the other man and missing by a wide margin. “Jus’ alil tipsy.” 

“Uh huh, and I’m Mother Teresa,” Dean raised an eyebrow, and shut the lid. “You’re wasted, man.” 

Cas snorted something unintelligible and made to stand up. Suddenly, the Earth shifted beneath him, and he found himself on his face in the grass. 

“You’re fine, huh?” Dean asked from above. Daphne made her way over and sighed audibly, staring down at her husband who was attempting, rather unsuccessfully, to stand up again. 

“Oh, Castiel!” Daphne exclaimed. “You’ll never make it home in this state! We walked here.” 

Cas flopped over on his back, mumbling again about being fine. Daphne frowned deeply. 

“Hey, I live right over there above the shop,” Dean pointed out, gesturing in the direction of Singer’s. “Want me to take him to my couch for a bit? Then you can come get him when you’re ready to leave, I could drive you both home. Or, he’s welcome to crash for the night if he needs to. He’s not in any shape to be walking home, at any rate.”

“Oh, I don’t want to impose, Dean!” Daphne glanced from her husband - who was still rolling on the grass - to Dean, her hazel eyes wide. 

“It’s no bother. You can’t handle supporting his weight on your own, and there’s still a crowd here. I was gonna head back anyway, I’m sure Bobby’n’I can get him situated.” 

“Oh, thank you Dean! I really appreciate that. You always were a sweetheart.” Daphne kissed him on the cheek and then leaned down to tell her husband what was going on. Dean waved Bobby over from his place near the fire pit. With little effort, the two men got Cas upright, his arms braced over their shoulders, and headed back toward the auto shop. 

“Bobby, youre strng fur annnn ol man….” Cas slurred. Bobby huffed. 

“And you’re a lightweight, son,” the older man admonished. “Shouldn’t make such a spectacle of yourself around so many people.” 

“Mfine,” Cas insisted again. 

The halting, stumbling walk through the length of the park and across the road took much longer than normal, courtesy of the inebriated accountant hanging like dead weight between Dean and Bobby. When they reach the steps to the apartment above the shop, Dean thanked Bobby for his help. 

“The stairs are too damn narrow for three grown men, probably be easier if I help him up myself,” Dean explained. Bobby nodded. Having lived above the shop for some time after it was first open, he was well acquainted with the lack of space in the enclosed stairwell. 

“Alright, jus’ be careful. I’ll go back over and tell Daphne that he made it.” Bobby then returned back the way they had just come, leaving Dean to ponder the best way to get Castiel up the stairs and onto the couch in one piece. 

“Ok Cas, I need you to help me here,” Dean said. “I’m gonna walk behind you. Need you to make your way up the stairs as carefully as you can.” 

“Am I going to your apartment, Dean?” Cas asked, as if he hadn’t already been told that he was. 

“Yeah Cas, you’re gonna crash on my couch. You’re drunk. C’mon, let’s get you up there.” He thumped the other man between his shoulder blades and opened the door to the stairs. “Alright, you first.” 

Cas took a couple of tentative steps, gripping the hand rail like a lifeline. He glanced back to ensure Dean was following, his eyes wide. 

“Keep going, buddy. It’s not that far.” 

The two men made their halting way up the stairs, and into the small apartment Dean called home. He clicked on the light, and grinned. 

“Well, this is it. My castle. Why don’t you go lie down?” He motioned toward a worn blue couch situated not far inside the door. “I’ll get you some coffee.” 

Cas nodded, and stumbled toward the piece of furniture. He managed to get himself situated without falling on the floor, which was a huge feat. A few minutes later, Dean emerged from the kitchen with a mug of steaming black liquid. 

“Dean, you are amazing,” Cas breathed as he took the cup. 

“So I’ve been told,” Dean replied. “Scooch over’n’ I’ll put on some Dr. Sexy. I got the latest season a few days ago.” 

As Dean loaded the discs into his DVD player, Cas moved over to make room for the other man on the only piece of sitting furniture in the room. 

“Sorry bout the cramped space,” Dean apologized. “I don’t get visitors often.” 

“‘Sfine Dean, I like being near you,” Cas said. “I like you very much Dean.” 

“Erm, thanks, Cas. I like you too.” Dean hit play and the tv brightened to show the opening credits of the two men’s favorite show. 

“Mglad you brought me here,” Cas mumbled. Dean smiled over at him. 

“That’s what friends are for.” 

They sat in comfortable silence, watching the television, until Castiel spoke again. 

“I want to kiss you, Dean,” he said. He was obviously still drunk, but his words were less garbled and he seemed more alert. 

“Cas, you don’t just say shit like that,” Dean had moved so that he could look clearly at his friend after he had declared his desire to lay a smacker on him. Cas shrugged, so nonchalant that one would think he hadn’t just told another man that he wanted to kiss him. 

“Why not, Dean? It’s true.” Cas turned those piercing blue eyes on him, and Dean swallowed thickly. 

“Because, Cas - you’re married. And you aren’t gay,” Dean replied when he found his voice. 

“Pffft, Dean. I’m married cause Daphne bullied me into it. She thinks her vagina can cure me of my sinful desire for other men.” Castiel used air quotes around that last part, a habit Dean found to be very cute. 

Dean was stunned by the other man’s admission, and reminded himself that Castiel was very, very drunk. And not very used to it, from what he had seen so far. 

“Okay Cas, I think it’s time for you to get some sleep,” Dean countered. 

“Only if you kiss me g’night,” Cas whispered, leaning forward into Dean’s personal space. Dean sighed, and hoped to God that Castiel was drunk enough to forget everything about the night as he resolved himself to a quick peck on the other man’s lips, to shut him up and get him to go to sleep. 

“Ok, fine,” he muttered, and he met the other man halfway, placing his lips lightly on Cas’ perpetually chapped mouth and pulling quickly back. “Now go to sleep.” 

“Deeeeeeean,” Cas whined. “Thas not even a kiss.” And with that, he lunged forward and locked his lips on Dean’s. Dean froze, unsure what to do, and then unwillingly found himself responding in kind, forcing Cas back as he took control of the kiss, opening his mouth and deepening it. Cas hummed happily and allowed Dean to take the lead. 

Dean pushed Castiel down on the couch, aligning their bodies and laying himself on top of him as he buried his hand in the other man’s dark, messy hair. Cas was responded immediately, his hands finding their way to Dean’s back and digging in through his shirt. 

The feel of Cas’ fingernails broke Dean out of his daze, and he pulled abruptly away. 

“Ahh shit, I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I shouldn’t have… I am an asshole.” He stumbled off of the couch, as Cas sat up and smiled. 

“Sok, Dean. Best good night kiss ever.” 

And with that, the dark-haired man promptly passed out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I'm going to give you one more, only because I had to get it out, it wouldn't stop pestering me while I was trying to work on other things. 
> 
> Don't get used to it. ;)

Cas woke up with the worst case of cotton mouth he’d ever experienced, a pounding headache, and an uncertainty about where he was. He groaned as he sat up, taking in the threadbare blue couch he was lying on, the plaid sleeping bag that had been draped over top of him, and the whistling form of Dean Winchester in the adjoining kitchen, making coffee. 

“Morning, sleeping beauty!” Dean greeted when he noticed Cas was semi-conscious. Cas groaned in response, causing the other man to laugh. “Got a bit of a hangover, huh?” 

“Shut up, Dean,” he grumbled, pressing his palms into his eyes and willing the throbbing to subside. 

“No can do, buddy. Daphne said she was gonna swing by for you after church, so I’m gonna get you fed and functional beforehand,” Dean then proceeded to crack some eggs into a pan. “How do you like your bacon? A bit crisp or a little lighter?” 

“I don’t want food. I’m going back to sleep.” Cas flopped back down on the pillow and pulled the sleeping bag over his head. 

“No can do, grumpypants.” Dean lowered the flame under the eggs and then made his way to the couch, where he pulled the blanket off of the dark-haired man hiding underneath. “You need to eat. Come sit at the table, I will get you some water and Tylenol.” 

By the time Cas stumbled his way, moaning and complaining, to the table after making a pit stop in the bathroom, Dean was cooking the bacon. He sat down, head in his hands, and tried to summon the willpower to take the two white pills on the table in front of him. 

“I thought I dreamt coming here last night,” Cas grumbled. “Does that mean I kissed you last night too?” 

Startled by the question, Dean dropped a piece of bacon roughly back into the pan, splattering hot grease on himself. Cursing and hopping around, he evaded Cas’ question for as long as he could manage. Once he had wiped the grease from his face, and situated the meat, he turned and faced the bedraggled man at the table. 

“Yeah, I’m afraid you did. But you were drunk, no big deal. We all do stupid shit we don’ mean to when we’re drunk.” Dean turned back to the stove, thinking the line of questioning through. 

“I meant to do it though, Dean. Being drunk just spurred me on. I… I am so sorry.” Cas looked up from the table, his eyes wide and bloodshot. Dean decided it was a good time to get the other man a cup of coffee. 

“How’dya take your joe?” He asked. 

“Black is fine,” Cas responded. “Don’t avoid me, Dean. I am trying to apologize for making unwanted advances on you. You are my friend, perhaps the best friend I have had in a long time. I don’t want things to be awkward.” 

Dean handed him a mug, decorated with a picture of a sleek classic car, and then turned off the stove, placing the remainder of the bacon onto the plate and blotting the grease off with a paper towel. Then, he set the platter of bacon and the pan of eggs on the table, and handed two plates and two sets of silverware to Cas. 

The two men filled their plates, and once everything was settled, Dean spoke. 

“Cas, man, I like you. I don’t know what is going on in your marriage, and I ain’t gonna force you to tell me. But I’m here for you, and I’m not gonna hold a damn good kiss against you. No harm, no foul.” He shoved a fork full of eggs into his mouth. 

“You thought it was a good kiss?” Cas was pushing his own meal around on his plate, his stomach lurching at the thought of eating. He hadn’t been this hungover since college and he was too old for these sorts of drinking binges. 

“Damn straight,” Dean replied with a wink. The compliment made Cas smile. 

“If we’re going to be hanging out,” Cas mimed air quotes around the last two words, “then you really should know about my issues, as Daphne calls them.” 

“Only if you wanna tell,” Dean cautioned, waving his fork in Cas’ direction. The dark-haired man nodded. 

“It will be good to get this off my chest. Daphne and I met in college. She found me in the chapel one night. She had come to pray. I was there because I was confused. I was having increasingly strong urges to lay with other men, and I had been raised to believe that these sorts of thoughts were a sin.” Cas took a deep, shuddering breath. “Daphne was so good to me. She became a friend, a confidant. Her deep faith was appealing. We started dating, because she believed I could make the choice to turn away from my homosexual urges. We lost our virginity together, and she thought she had cured me. But deep down, I was unsatisfied and she figured it out after a while. She pressured me to marry her, then, which I did to make her happy and because I didn’t see any other way. She lives in constant fear of the real me. It is becoming harder and harder to hide.” 

“Shit, Cas... “ Dean whispered. “That explains the tension I felt between you guys yesterday.” 

“We… we are not intimate often. She is unsatisfied, sexually, emotionally. I believe that is why she wants a child so badly. To fill some void I leave in her.” 

“I had no idea, man. You guys seem like a perfect couple.” Dean’s head was spinning at the revelation Cas had sprung on him. 

“Daphne works hard to maintain a facade of happiness. And I do love her, Dean. But not in the way she deserves.” 

“Have you guys, you know, talked about this at all? Seems like something you should discuss with her, not me. I’m just some guy you know.” Cas shook his head and sighed heavily. 

“She avoids the topic. I believe Zachariah is aware but I cannot talk to him without him relaying my words to her. And things just keep getting worse. You’re the only person I trust enough to tell this to,” the look in Castiel’s eyes made Dean’s heart ache. “We have not known each other long, but I believe we share a more profound bond than most.” 

Dean thought back on all of the times he had spent with the other man and agreed that there had always been something between them, something pure and honest. “Yeah. You’re right,” he managed to say through the lump in his throat. “But why are things so bad now? How long have you been married?” 

“We have been married for eight years,” Cas responded easily. “And… things have always been rough. But I believe your arrival in town may have caused some increased tension.” Dean raised an eyebrow at that and Cas dropped his gaze, a blush building over his cheeks. “You are… a very good looking man. And the only open bisexual I know. It has caused me some thoughts that I had managed to repress for a very long time. I…. I apologize if that is awkward for you.” 

Cas’ flush had now spread down his neck and he looked everywhere but at the man sitting across the table from him. There was a very pregnant pause, and then Dean spoke again. 

“Nah man, it’s not awkward. I’d be lyin’ if I said I hadn’t thought the same thing ‘bout you. Although I felt pretty bad about it, thinking you were straight.” Dean then shoved Cas’ plate further toward him. “Now, if we’re done with this strange heart-to-heart, you gotta eat. I don’t think Daphne wants you back in this condition. I’m gonna hop in the shower real quick. Make yourself at home.” 

Dean clapped him on the shoulder as he made his way from the room, leaving Cas feeling strange and raw in the kitchen. 

Castiel had never revealed his history with Daphne to anyone. No one, aside from Daphne and probably Zachariah, knew about his attraction to men or his unsatisfying life with his wife. He wasn’t sure what had prompted him to spill everything to Dean, but it seemed the correct step, especially following the drunken kiss of the previous evening. He felt lighter for having told someone, but emotionally he was stripped bare. 

The news that Dean found him attractive also left him with some uncomfortable emotions, and Cas wasn’t sure how to channel them. He didn’t want another Dean-related lust-fueled rut with his wife, and perhaps now he could feel less guilty about taking care of himself with those green eyes in his mind, but that didn’t seem right either. 

He heard the shower start up, the pipes rattling a bit in the old apartment, and he made a decision. He wasn’t sure what spurred him on as he stood up and made his way into the bathroom for the second time that morning. All he knew was he needed to do something, take some action, and make a choice that made him happy for once. 

“Cas?” Dean called as he heard the door to the room creak open. “You need something?” 

“Yes Dean. I need you.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My DCBB isn't finished yet but close enough! I had to give you guys another chapter.

A loud thunk indicated that Dean had dropped something. The soap, or shampoo, Cas wasn’t sure. 

“Erm, you wanna repeat that for me?” The other man asked. 

“I need you, Dean.” Cas repeated, his voice sure. He took another step into the room and closed the door behind himself. “On me, in me, I need your body in some fashion.” 

The sound of water pouring down from the showerhead was loud in the room, where both men stood silently, drawing the steamy air into their lungs. It was Dean who broke first. 

“Cas, I… fuck.” The shower curtain pulled back so Cas could see Dean’s face. “Lord knows I want that. Look at you, man. But what you’re talking about… it’s cheating. You got Daphne, and happy or not, she’s your wife.” 

“Dean, I am almost 30 years old. Don’t you think I can make decisions for myself?” Cas reached down and peeled off his t-shirt, revealing the lean lines of his body. Dean found himself biting his lip as he watched. “I’m fairly certain I am a gay man, who has never been with another man, and has been trapped in a lie of a marriage for 8 years.” Next to go were the rumpled jeans Cas had fallen asleep in, and then his plain white boxers. Dean groaned as he saw Cas’ penis stirring to attention amid the dark curls of his groin. 

He swallowed hard and reached down to touch his own growing erection as Cas pumped his own once, twice, three times. 

“Cas, get in here and make this quick,” he moaned. 

It took the other man no time at all to climb into the shower with him, and capture his lips in a fierce kiss. 

“Fuck, Dean,” Cas gasped out as Dean pushed him up against the side of the shower and their erections pressed together. “I’ve never felt this much want before.” 

“Yeah, Cas - you’re probably gay,” Dean replied. He reached down and twisted his hand around both of their members. Cas bucked his hips into the hold and whined with pleasure. Dean kissed him again, plunging his tongue into the other man’s mouth as he pumped their cocks. 

“Dean, oh, Dean,” Cas murmured. Dean began to kiss and suck at the other man’s neck, making his way to his nipples, which were apparently extremely sensitive. Cas cried out as Dean suckled at one of them. 

Dean continued his downward descent, dropping to his knees and pushing Castiel firmly against the shower tile so he could take the other man’s throbbing erection into his mouth. Cas made another noise at that, and instinctively pushed Dean’s head more firmly against his groin as Dean sucked and licked at him. Dean’s right hand stayed positioned on his sharp hip, keeping him against the wall, while his other hand traveled to Cas’ rim, teasing at the edge of it with one finger. 

Pulling off of Cas’ cock, Dean quirked an eyebrow at him. “You ever had any anal stimulation?” Cas shook his head. 

“No, no - Daphne won’t allow it. But God, Dean, don’t stop,” Cas’ voice cut off with a strangled moan as Dean dipped his finger past the puckered entrance and simultaneously took his erection back into his mouth. Dean’s own boner was hanging painful and rock hard between his legs, but he wanted to see Cas lose himself more than he cared about his own completion. 

One finger pumping in and out became two, and then with a twist of his wrist, Dean hit Castiel’s prostate and the other man cried out as he pumped a load of cum into Dean’s mouth. 

Once Dean had worked him through his orgasm, he stood up and kissed Castiel again. “That was so fucking hot, Cas,” he groaned, finally bringing his hand to his own penis to relieve some of the pressure. 

“That… was the best orgasm I have ever experienced,” Cas managed to say. 

“Yeah, well, it’s even better when it’s a cock in your ass and not a couple of fingers,” Dean moaned, wishing that he had one of his shower toys handy to give the other man a demonstration.

“Do you need help with that?” Cas looked down at where Dean’s hand was working himself furiously. 

“God yes,” Dean replied. Cas batted his hand away and gripped his penis, tentatively working him, gaining rhythm and confidence as he went. It wasn’t long before Dean was toppling over the edge himself, calling out Castiel’s name as he went. As he rode the aftershocks, Cas leaned forward and took the lobe of his ear in his mouth, sucking at it a moment before whispering to him. 

“Next time, you’re going to show me how it feels with a cock in my ass,” Cas said, and then he stepped out of the shower, leaving Dean blinking wide-eyed behind him. 

 

When Daphne arrived at Dean’s apartment, Cas was in the shower, alone and actually getting clean. Dean let the other man’s wife inside and offered her a cup of coffee. It was indescribably awkward to be playing host to the wife of a man whose ass your finger was inside of not too long ago, but Dean was an expert at putting on a good face. 

“It really was sweet of you to take care of my husband for me last night,” Daphne said as she accepted the mug of black coffee from Dean and sat at the kitchen table. “I don’t know how I ever would’ve gotten him home.” 

“Ahh, it was no problem. Dude basically came in and passed out,” Dean replied, scratching the back of his head absently with one hand. “I fed him and let him use my shower - not an imposition. ‘Sides, it gets kinda lonely living up here on my own, it was nice to have some company.” 

“Truly Dean, I am grateful - Castiel doesn’t have many friends, and I’m glad to see he has made such a good one.” Daphne reached her hand out and laid it on the top of Dean’s own, smiling brightly. 

Dean almost choked then, recalling the feel of Cas’ penis in his mouth, the taste of his come on his tongue. Yeah, only a truly good friend would suck the other one’s dick. He played off his reaction as a cough and took another sip of his own coffee to avoid saying anything in response. How did he end up in this position anyway? 

The sound of the water cutting off in the bathroom caught Dean’s attention. 

“Um, did you bring Cas any fresh clothes?” He asked Daphne. She shook her head. 

“Oh! No I didn’t think to!” 

“I’ll grab one of my old t-shirts and a pair of sweats for him to borrow - would you mind running them in to him?” Daphne nodded, and Dean wandered into his bedroom, pausing a moment to look in the mirror over his dresser at his reflection. 

Dean had never considered himself a cheater. He never once cheated on Lisa, and he wasn’t sure what he thought of being the “other woman”. With a sigh, he resigned himself to telling Cas that their little tryst in the shower had been a one-time thing and couldn’t happen again, before pulling out the promised clothing and returning to his kitchen to hand them off to Daphne. 

Daphne was so happy and eager to foster his relationship with Cas, but if she knew that he was attracted to her husband in a sexual way, that he felt drawn to him more than he’d ever felt with Lisa, he knew Cas would be forbidden from seeing him. What was it that Cas had said? That Daphne lives in constant fear of the real him? 

The door to the bathroom clicked as it opened and the Allens stepped out, followed by a billowing wall of steam. Apparently Cas liked his showers just slightly cooler than hellfire. 

“Thank you for the clothing, Dean,” Cas said, motioning to the old band shirt and baggy pair of sweats he was wearing. “I promise to return them.” 

“No rush man,” Dean responded, trying not to stare at the sharp angles of the other man’s hip bones as they peeked over the top of the pants. “S’the least I can do.” 

Daphne came up and kissed Dean quickly on the cheek. “Thank you again,” she whispered. Dean just nodded, feeling even more awkward now that both she and Castiel were in the room. “I’ll meet you at the car, Cas!” 

Cas and Dean watched her leave, and then turned to each other, each speaking at the same time. 

“Dean - “ 

“Look, Cas - “ 

They laughed, and then Dean shook his head. 

“What day does Daphne have choir practice?” He asked. 

“Tuesdays,” Cas replied simply. 

“Well, I was thinking maybe you’d want to come hang out, get a pizza?” Dean asked. He cleared his throat and shifted his weight awkwardly from foot-to-foot. 

“That would be great,” Cas said with a smile. “I’ll see you around 5?” 

“Sounds good. See ya, Cas.” 

“Goodbye, Dean,” Cas responded, and then he too left the apartment. Dean stood for several minutes staring at the door and wondering why the hell he’d just invited the other man over, and failed to mention the fact that they absolutely could not be intimate again. 

“Son of a bitch,” he groaned, before walking to the couch and flopping onto it face-first. He’d basically just invited Cas over for a freaking date.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to give you guys a little present in honor of it being Friday. I wrote this pretty quickly, I promise I'll go back and edit at some point. 
> 
> Fair warning, this starts to get into some strong religious themes. I am NOT trying to convey any message about religion here - I am merely pointing out some flaws that we all know exist. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Castiel wasn’t sure what Dean intended with his invitation for pizza and “hanging out” on Tuesday, but the idea of spending more time with the other man was appealing. He smiled as he climbed into the church’s minivan and buckled himself in. 

“You seem chipper,” Daphne observed. “Did you avoid a hangover, then?” 

“Ah, no. I do still have something of a headache. I am actually desperate to lay down and take a nap,” he answered. He reached across and took his wife’s hand, deciding to change the subject. “How was service?” 

“Oh, you should’ve been there! Father was so engaging today!” Daphne exclaimed. Cas had to stop himself from noting that she said that every week. “And, there’s a new family in town! The Turners. They have a nice boy named Jesse who will be joining your youth group.” 

Castiel had forgotten about the youth group his father-in-law had asked him to help with. “But isn’t that for… troubled youth?” He asked. 

“Oh, yes. Well, this Jesse seems to be following a path that you would be familiar with. I thought it’d be beneficial to give you the chance to help him through these sinful thoughts.” 

It was all he could do not to groan. What Daphne was suggesting, if he was understanding correctly, completely disgusted him. “Daph… I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that,” he said sincerely after a long moment of hesitation. His wife squeezed his hand. 

“Oh! Oh no, of course! If you aren’t ready to share your story, I understand!” She backtracked quickly and Cas let out a breath in relief. “I won’t force you. I know it’s a deeply personal thing.” 

They pulled into the driveway of their house, and Cas climbed out. “So when does Zachariah wish to start this group? Last time we spoke he hadn’t figured all that out.” 

Daphne shut the door on the church’s van and locked it with a click of a button. She made her way to his side and wrapped her arms around one of his. “He is thinking next month. Maybe Wednesday evenings after service. But nothing is set up officially yet. If you have an idea, you should let him know at dinner tonight.” 

Zachariah often came to dinner at their house on Sundays, much to Castiel’s dismay. He wasn’t surprised to hear the other man was attending tonight, but he wasn’t pleased about it either. 

“Yes, we’ll discuss it then.” He stretched as they walked in the door. “I’m going to go lay down for a bit.” 

“Okay, I will wake you up in a couple of hours,” Daphne replied, kissing him quickly before bustling out of the foyer, presumably to get dinner started. Castiel sighed and ran a hand through his hair, making his way up the stairs to his bedroom. 

He decided against changing his clothing as he climbed into bed, and nestled himself into the smell of Dean on the borrowed shirt he was wearing as he drifted off to sleep. 

 

Daphne made a hearty dinner of roast, vegetables, and potatoes that night. Having eaten nothing since the breakfast at Dean’s, Cas found himself starving. He listened halfheartedly as Daphne and her father discussed his sermon that morning, and what they thought the Christmas pageant should be that year. When the conversation turned to the new family at the church, however, Cas listened more intently.

“His mother says she catches him looking at dirty magazines full of men!” Daphne said casually, like revealing a near-stranger’s dirty laundry to her father was commonplace, which for her it was. “He’s just hit his teenage years, and they can be so hard for anyone. But he definitely needs some guidance.” 

“A perfect candidate for our new youth program, then,” Zachariah agreed. “We can steer him back to the straight and narrow before he falls any further off the path. Wouldn’t you agree, Castiel?” 

“I suppose so,” Cas replied, cringing inwardly as he said it. “Have you decided on any other details for the program?” 

“Garth has agreed to help out as well, so it will be the two of you, primarily. I’ve made him promise to leave that absurd sock puppet at home. I have a few different programs I’ve been looking into - I’ll bring some materials by for you to look at next week,” his father-in-law told him. 

“I look forward to seeing them,” he lied. While Cas thought that getting truly at-risk youth involved in the program was a great thing, he wasn’t sure they should start identifying things like homosexual proclivity as one of the behaviors they were trying to “fix”. But Daphne and Zachariah were both convinced he was a “convert” who had been turned away from his evil tenancies and reunited with God. If only they knew what he’d been doing in the shower with Dean less than 12 hours ago. 

With a mumbled apology, he excused himself from the table, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach and blaming his lingering hangover. His wife watched him with worried eyes as he made his way upstairs. He went into the master bathroom and shut the door behind him, before standing in front of the sink and staring at himself in the mirror. 

_Castiel found himself in the chapel that night, kneeling in a pew and staring up at the crucified Christ, after the most recent in a seemingly endless string of sexual arousals precipitated by seeing his roommate, Ezekiel, in a state of undress. At 18, he was still a virgin. In fact, he had never been kissed. Not because he was unattractive - no, the girls he had gone to high school with had made it clear that he was desirable - but because no boy had ever tried to kiss him. When he thought about kissing, he always thought about kissing boys._

_“Lord help me,” he prayed, his hands clasped together and his forehead resting atop them. “I am so confused.”_

_He heard the back door to the chapel creek open, and turned to look as a young woman entered the room. Her brown hair was pulled away from her face with a headband, and she wore a simple gold cross around her neck, nestled just above the hollow of her breasts. Cas wondered if that was an intentional choice, or if she unknowingly drew attention to her feminine assets with her choice of necklace._

_“Oh, I’m so sorry! There’s not usually anyone in here,” the girl said, making her way to the front._

_“All are welcome in God’s house,” Cas responded automatically, recalling something the preacher from his family church had said many times. He had trusted the man, and felt like he had been speaking directly to him at the time._

_“That is true,” she smiled at him and sat in the pew across the row from Castiel. “I’m Daphne.”_

_“Castiel,” he replied._

_“Like the angel?” Daphne was smiling now, and Cas nodded._

_“Yes, my parents are quite religious. I have an older brother named Gabriel, and a younger brother named Samandriel.” Cas laughed, and the girl smiled more brightly._

_“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Castiel,” Daphne extended her hand, and he took it, shaking it briefly._

“All are welcome in God’s house,” he reminded himself, splashing cold water on his face and reminding himself to breath. He had always seen his meeting Daphne that night in the chapel as the answer he had been searching for, but now, he questioned whether God really cared at all who he loved. Weren’t there more important things for an all-powerful being to worry about than who had sex with whom? 

There was a soft knock on the door, and then his wife came in. 

“Are you okay?” She asked. “I know this is about more than your hangover.” 

“Daph… I can’t force some boy to think there is something wrong with him,” he turned to face her, and she frowned. 

“Castiel, he needs your guidance. You’ve been there, you defeated those demons,” Daphne reached her hand out to rest it on his arm, and he flinched. 

“I can’t do it,” he whispered. 

Daphne came up to him then wrapped her arms around him, pressing her face into his chest. He pulled her close to himself, and took a shuddering breath. 

“I’ll talk to Daddy,” she told him. “Maybe Garth can deal with Jesse.” At that, Castiel pushed her away from him, holding her at arm’s length by her shoulders. 

“No, Daphne. Jesse doesn’t need to be in that program at all.” He was certain he was almost growling at this point. “I won’t do it if the only reason he is part of it is because he has an attraction to other men. I know it’s important to you to ‘save’ the wayward sinners, but I won’t make this boy hate himself.” 

Daphne nodded curtly, swallowing hard as she looked into his stormy blue eyes. “Of course, love.” She took a step back. “I will talk to Daddy.” 

Daphne left the room then and Castiel sagged back against the vanity, pinching the bridge of his nose and wondering how his life had become so confusing. 

 

Monday and Tuesday passed slowly for Castiel. His confrontation with his wife over the boy Jesse had left him deeply bothered and he knew the only person he could really talk about it with was Dean. Daphne had been walking on eggshells around him and the topic of the Turners, and the youth program, was very obviously avoided. 

Tuesday evening, Castiel made a quick stop at home to change his clothes and scribble a note to Daphne in case she beat him home, and then drove to Singer’s, where Dean and Bobby were gossiping near the cash register just before closing time. 

Cas felt his stomach flutter as Dean turned and gave him that grin that made him weak every time he saw it. Bobby raised his hand in greeting, which Cas returned. 

“How ya feelin’, idjit? You drank an awful lot on Saturday,” Bobby inquired as Cas walked through the door, making the bells ring. 

“I’m fine, thank you. I had a mild hangover on Sunday but I’m fine now.” Cas leaned against the counter and smiled. “Thankfully someone stopped me before I crossed the line into blackout territory.” 

“Yeah, well, I didn’t want to watch you make even more of an ass of yourself,” Dean responded, laughing as he did so. “C’mon, let’s go figure out what we want on that pizza I promised.” 

The two men headed upstairs to the apartment, leaving Bobby to lock up the shop below. Dean grabbed a takeout menu from the local pizza place off the refrigerator and tossed it at Cas. 

“I dunno what you like on yours,” he explained. “I’ll eat just about anything that isn’t rabbit food.” 

“Mushrooms and bacon?” Cas suggested, and Dean shrugged. 

“The bacon negates the health benefits of the mushrooms. I’m down.” Dean dialed Pizzaland and placed the order before plopping on the couch. “It’ll be half an hour. You don’t have to stand there the whole time.” 

Cas sat down beside him. “It might behoove you to invest in additional furniture,” he suggested. Dean laughed and slapped him on the back. 

“You’re the only one who ever comes up here,” the other man noted. “But I probably should look into it. One of these days I might get Sammy to come visit, or even Ben.” 

“I do hope to meet them both one of these days,” Cas commented. “Although, your son hanging around might make Daphne even more anxious for a child.” 

The mention of Castiel’s wife changed the mood immediately, and Dean sat forward, his elbows on his knees and his face serious. “How is that, by the way? You and Daphne?” 

“Well, on Sunday I did tell her in no uncertain terms that I wouldn’t be part of ‘turning’ a possibly homosexual teenager into a ‘reformed’ straight man,” Castiel mimed air quotes around the words that made him uncomfortable, and Dean’s expression fell. 

“What kid is that?” Dean asked. 

“It’s a new family, the Turners. They have a young teenage son, Jesse, who apparently tends to be attracted to other men, so I’m told,” Cas cleared his throat as his emotions returned. “Both she and Zachariah implied I should speak with him, as a kindred soul.” 

“Because you’re gay, and they think they’ve cured you?” Dean’s eyes held some indecipherable emotion, and Cas nodded. 

“Yes,” he muttered. “I can’t bring myself to make that boy feel like there’s something wrong with him. That’s what they always did to me. That’s what Daphne still does to me, even if she doesn’t notice she’s doing it.” 

Cas was shaking now, a mixture of rage and anguish, and Dean reached out to take his hand, squeezing it tightly. 

“Hey, hey, look at me,” he commanded. Castiel turned his gaze to Dean’s face, and Dean looked in his eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with you, or that kid. It’s brave of you to stand up for him.” He reached forward and brushed a stray tear from Cas’ cheek. 

“Thank you, Dean.” He whispered. The two men stared at each other, and then Cas leaned forward and pressed his lips to Dean’s. Despite the chant from his brain saying “stop, stop, stop”, Dean leaned into the kiss and deepened it, his body’s want overwhelming his brain’s logic. 

A knock at the door - presumably the pizza - broke them apart, both men out of breath and flushed with desire. Neither one knew what was going on, but both knew they were in deep and falling fast.


	8. Chapter 8

Both men were happily eating pizza, Cas tucked away on one side of the couch, Dean sprawled on the other with his feet propped up on the coffee table, when Dean decided they needed to have a serious conversation. 

“So, uh, Cas. What is this?” He asked. Cas put his slice on his plate, which he balanced on the arm of the couch, and raised an eyebrow. 

“What is what?” Cas looked genuinely confused, and Dean cleared his throat, motioning with his hand between the two of them. 

“This, uh, thing we have going on,” he explained. 

“We are friends, who are hanging out and eating pizza?” Cas replied, uncertainty in his voice. Dean sighed. 

“Dude, I mean this thing we have going on.” 

“Oh…. you mean the kissing, and the other things,” the dark haired man blushed a bit, and looked down at his lap. 

“Yeah, that.” Dean said. “I mean, you are my friend Cas. But just friends don’t generally touch each other’s junk. And I don’t want to be the other woman.” 

“You’re a man, Dean,” Cas replied without hesitation, causing Dean to chuckle. 

“It’s a phrase, Cas. It means I don’t want to be the one who breaks up a marriage,” Dean put his empty plate on the coffee table and turned himself to face Castiel. “I don’t want to be your gay experiment to see if you really like dicks.” 

Cas was silent for a long moment, picking absently at something on the leg of his blue jeans. When he spoke again, he looked up. 

“Dean, you aren’t just an experiment. I felt an instant and strong connection with and attraction to you from the moment we met. And maybe I pushed things a bit that morning in the shower, but I had never felt quite so free and in control of my own body. With Daphne, things are always awkward, but I felt none of that with you. I feel none of that with you.” 

“I wanted to tell you that day that that sort of thing couldn’t happen again,” Dean confessed. “But I couldn’t. I still can’t. I don’t know why - I don’t want to encourage you to cheat on your wife, I don’t want to hurt her. But I can’t stay away from you.” 

“So, what is going on?” Cas asked him, scooting forward a bit so that his leg was brushing Dean’s. Dean shook his head. 

“I haven’t got a clue, man,” he pinched his nose at the bridge, and Cas hesitantly placed his hand on his leg. 

“Well, whatever it is, I’m serious about it,” Castiel offered. Dean dropped his hand down to Cas’ own, and laced his fingers with his. 

“I feel like an ass for saying it, but I am too,” Dean breathed. 

“So, why don’t we just see where things go? I don’t feel guilty. Daphne has pushed me to pretend I’m someone I’m not and I don’t have to be that person with you,” Cas looked at Dean. “And maybe this will be something that blows over quickly. But if it isn’t, we’ll cross the bridge when we come to it.” 

“If you’re sure you want to, Cas. It’s your marriage on the line, not mine. I just want to make sure you’re 100 percent ok with what’s going on and you aren’t gonna hate me when all is said and done.” 

In response, Cas kissed him, pressing him back against the arm of the couch and conveying his passion through action. “I don’t think I could ever hate you, Dean Winchester,” Cas murmured against the other man’s lips. 

Dean kissed back now, fevered with how much he wanted the other man. The worry in the back of his mind was replaced with a fierce need. The feel of Cas’ lips on his own, the brush of their stubble, was intoxicating. 

Cas brushed his fingers up underneath Dean’s t-shirt, seeking out the feel of skin. When he was with Dean, he felt more bold and in charge than he felt in any other part of his life. He wasn’t afraid to ask for what he wanted. “Take this off, Dean,” he demanded. The other man complied quickly, and then reached to divest Castiel of his own shirt. 

A flush of desire was coloring Dean’s neck and chest and Cas lowered his head to kiss along the marbled patterns it left on his skin, highlighting his freckles. 

“You tasted me, now let me taste you,” Cas murmured, his hand falling to the waist of Dean’s blue jeans. 

“Fuck yes,” Dean hissed. Cas dropped to his knees beside the couch, unclasping Dean’s pants and pulling down the zipper, careful to avoid catching it on the sensitive skin of his cock, which was poking through the slit of his boxers. Dean lifted his hips to allow Cas to shimmy his jeans and boxers down, his erection springing free as the elastic passed below it. 

Cas was momentarily stopped short by the thought that he was about to suck another man’s dick, something he had thought about so many times and had always made himself feel guilty for imagining. Then, with a thrilling feeling of finally doing something for himself, he pushed Dean’s thighs apart and tentatively took Dean’s erection in his mouth. 

Castiel was in experienced, and Dean had had a lot of blow jobs in his life. But Cas made up for his lack of hands-on knowledge with an obvious enthusiasm, and it had been a long time since Dean had had a mouth on his cock, so he sighed with pleasure and held himself back from thrusting up into the wet heat of Castiel’s throat. 

“God Cas, yes,” he moaned. 

Cas hadn’t had many blow jobs himself - Daphne only gave it when she was well and truly inebriated - but he remembered well the feel of Dean’s mouth on him, and imitated the things Dean had done that felt good. 

He swirled his tongue around the head and applied pressure with his hand in tandem with his mouth. Dean’s cock leaked precome and Cas was shocked at the salty taste, and hummed with pleasure. The vibration caused Dean to gasp in pleasure and Cas added that to his mental notes of what pleased the other man. 

“Keep doing what you’re doing, fuck, Cas that feels good,” Dean encouraged him. Cas’ free hand roamed upwards and fondled Dean’s nipples, skimming his skin with gentle fingertips. 

Dean was moaning loudly at this point, and he only managed to give Cas the briefest of warnings before he was spilling himself into Cas’ mouth. Cas gagged and sputtered, causing a coughing fit to overtake him. Dean sat up rapidly to pound him on the back, and after it passed, Castiel looked at him apologetically. 

“I’m sorry,” he managed to choke out, causing Dean to laugh. 

“Dude, no need, I did the same thing after my first blow job. And you’ve got some natural talent.” Dean reached over the arm of the couch and grabbed a handful of tissues, handing half of it to Cas and using the rest to clean himself off. 

Cas wiped his chin and hand, and then managed to stand up. “Is there some mouthwash?” He asked. Dean nodded. 

“Yeah man, under the sink - take your time.” 

His orgasm left Dean ravenous, and he grabbed his half-eaten slice of pizza and polished it off while Cas gargled loudly in the bathroom and washed his hands. When Cas re-emerged, Dean pulled him back down on the couch and kissed him again. It was still fairly early in the evening, so the two men popped in a movie to watch and settled in together in comfortable silence to watch. 

 

Cas headed out around 9 p.m., kissing Dean goodnight and climbing into his Lincoln to make the short trek back home. He wondered why it felt so easy to be around Dean, and why his own marriage was never as comfortable or easy as the time he spent with the other man. He pondered if other extramarital affairs happened in a similar fashion, and thought perhaps he might understand a bit more now that he had undertaken one himself. 

It hit Cas then, the fact that he was willingly and happily cheating on his wife. 

“What the fuck am I thinking?” He asked himself, pulling his car into a parking lot and stopping it so that he could rest his head against the steering wheel. His respiration increased and he began to feel that familiar shaking feeling on the inside that signaled an oncoming panic attack. 

He popped open the glove box and pulled out his emergency bottle of Xanax, dry swallowing a pill and hoping it would kick in soon. He ran a hand through his messy hair and tipped his head back against the headrest. 

When had he become this person? Had he always been him, just too afraid to show it, like he was with his homosexuality? He realized that if he hadn’t met Daphne that night in the chapel so many years ago, he probably would have explored who he really was a bit more during college. Instead, he had shoved his true self into a box and shut it tight, trying to fit the standard that Daphne set for him. He thought that was what he wanted, but now, he wasn’t sure what he really wanted anymore. 

His heart rate slowed, and his hands steadied, and Cas pulled out of the lot and headed back home. The house was still dark, meaning it was a late night at choir practice for Daphne. Thanking God for small blessings, Castiel trooped up the stairs to shower and scrub his mouth with his toothbrush. 

Hopefully things would be clearer after a good night of sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In celebration of my completed (very rough) draft of my DCBB, have an extra long chapter with some sexy times!

Dean spoke with Sam almost every day by text messages, but he liked their weekly phone conversations more. Because their mother had died young, and their dad shipped them off to Bobby’s or some other obscure relative’s on a regular basis, Dean practically raised his younger brother, who now lived in California, studying law and planning a wedding to his college girlfriend, Jessica. 

“How’re you holding up?” Sam asked, the same as he had every week since Dean and Lisa had split and Dean had moved into the apartment above Singer’s. 

“M’good, Sammy. Works good, lifes good,” Dean replied. He was multi-tasking, eating dinner as he talked to his brother. “I sorta met someone.” 

“Hey, that’s great! What’s her name?” 

“His name is Cas,” Dean shoveled another mouthful of spaghetti in. 

“Ahh, sorry man, I didn’t even think about that,” Sam apologized, and Dean could hear Jess asking a question in the background. “So when did you meet this Cas?” 

“A couple of months ago?” Dean estimated. “Met him through Bobby, had to tow his car.” 

“You guys been dating long?” Dean was silent for a minute. He wasn’t sure how to respond. 

“Well, we’re not dating, technically. I mean, we’re a thing, but… it’s complicated?” Dean could have slapped his own face for that reply. 

“He’s not married, is he?” He wasn’t surprised that Sam had guessed correctly right off the bat. He knew Dean-speak better than Dean himself. “Dean?” 

“He, uh, yeah. He kind of is.” Dean shoved his plate away from himself and ran a hand over his face. “But Sam… he’s different. I can’t explain it. The second I met him, I felt like I knew him. And, he’s married to a woman, not a man. He’s miserable. When he’s with me, he’s a different person.” 

“Dean… are you sure you want to do this?” The concern was evident in his brother’s voice. 

“I wish I wasn’t. I wish I wasn’t so drawn to him. But… Sam. I’ve only known him a couple months and it’s like I can’t imagine my life without him. It’s fucking ridiculous,” Dean sighed. 

“You’ve got it bad,” Sam noted. “Just… be careful, okay? I don’t want to see you hurt again.”

“I think he’s worth it,” Dean confessed. “But enough heart to heart bullshit. How’s the wedding planning going?” 

They talked for about a half an hour, discussing the wedding, and when Sam and Jess were going to come visit, and about Dean’s plans for the future (of which there weren’t many). When they hung up, Dean felt a little lighter than he had before the phone call. It was still early, and it was a Friday night, and Dean decided he didn’t want to stay in. 

After a quick shower and a change of clothes, Dean decided to drive the half hour to the next big town over to pay a visit to his Aunt Ellen at her bar, something he hadn’t done since he’d moved back into town months ago. 

“Dean!” His cousin, Jo, squealed with delight when she saw him walk in. The thin blonde girl had been standing at the bar, and ran to his arms. She was quickly followed by a redhead, her girlfriend, Charlie. 

“My two favorite ladies!” Dean hugged both back. “Hey Aunt Ellen!” 

His Aunt Ellen was an intimidating woman, pretty and blonde with a no-nonsense attitude and not a fear in the world. The women weren’t actually Dean’s blood relatives - Ellen was Bobby’s ex-wife, and Jo wasn’t Bobby’s daughter - but that was close enough for Dean. 

“Well Dean Winchester - I heard you were back in town, but haven’t seen you. I thought I was being lied to!” Dean made his way back to the bar, and received a hug from the woman. 

“Well, Bobby’s been keeping me busy. And I haven’t felt much like going out,” Dean told her. 

“That’s no excuse. Bobby never stays open past five and doesn’t make you work weekends,” Ellen chided him. She and her ex husband had a surprisingly close relationship. Bobby said the marriage had ended simply because he and Ellen were better friends than they were lovers. 

“Yeah, yeah, m’sorry. Won’ happen again,” Dean slid onto a barstool. Charlie hopped up on the one beside him, and Jo sidled back behind the bar, where she was working for the night. 

“So, Dean, now that you’re back in town you should come LARPing with me again!” The redheaded girl punched him in the shoulder and grinned. “The Queen has been lonely without her handmaiden.” 

Dean had gone LARPing with Charlie a few times over the years, but when his relationship with Lisa had taken a turn for the worse, he hadn’t managed to make it down for any of the events. While he didn’t openly show it, he was a nerd at heart, and the roleplay of LARPing was a lot of fun for him, despite the fact that Charlie had deemed him her handmaiden at his first ever tournament and the position had stuck. 

“I definitely need to get back into it,” he told her as he accepted a beer from Jo. “When’s the next one?”   
“In a couple of weekends! Oh Dean, it’ll be awesome having you back!” She hugged him again, and Dean found himself grinning. 

He knew Charlie through Jo. The two had met at the local community college, and became fast friends. Eventually, their relationship had grown into something much deeper. When Dean and Charlie were introduced, they quickly formed a bond of their own. Dean considered her the sister he never wanted, and was thrilled that she and Jo were still together. 

“You know, I know this geeky guy who might love to join us,” he mentioned after a moment of thought. He hadn’t heard from Cas since they had hung out on Tuesday evening but knew the other man was busy. “He’s married into a pretty uptight family and I think LARPing would be an awesome way for him to unwind.” 

“The more the merrier!” 

“You know, I still don’t get the LARP love,” Jo remarked as she made her way back from serving a man at the other end of the bar. 

“Why do you even keep her around?” Dean asked Charlie, faking his best offended tone. Charlie grinned. 

“She’s a good kisser,” she said with a laugh and Dean gave a loud gag. 

“Alright, alright, you two go sit somewhere else,” Jo scolded. “I gotta work.” She waved her dish rag at them and Dean stuck his tongue out before hopping down and heading over to his favorite corner booth. Charlie tagged along behind him. 

“Soooooo, Dean. Why are you hanging out here on a Friday night instead of taking advantage of your bachelorhood?” Charlie wiggled her eyebrows as she stretched out on the opposite side of the booth. Dean took a swig of his beer and contemplated telling her about the situation with Cas, deciding against it after a moment of thought. 

“I’m just not ready to get back on the horse yet, you know?” He told her. “I was with Lisa for a long time. I don’t even know how to date anymore.” 

“Oh, shove it, Dean Winchester. You’re still so hot you’d almost turn my lesbian head. You could have anyone you wanted. You just wait, I’m gonna get you laid LARP weekend.” She pointed her finger at him and winked. “Everyone wants a piece of my handmaiden.” 

“I didn’t say I wasn’t getting any,” Dean protested. 

“Your own hands don’t count, Dean,” she countered and he smiled. 

“Yeah, yeah, shut up. We can’t all be you and Jo,” he finished off his beer. “So give me the details on the next tournament.” 

 

Cas had maybe been avoiding Dean since Tuesday, but he was happy when the other man broke the silence via text message. Most of the guilt brought on by his panic attack had subsided, but he wasn’t sure how to initiate conversation with Dean, or anyone for that matter. 

_From Dean: Hey man, going LARPing in 2 weeks. Wanna join?_

_To Dean: What is LARPing?_

_From Dean: Live Action Role Play. Google it._

Cas sighed and pulled up the Google app on his phone, typing in LARP and clicking first the Wikipedia article, and then the Urban Dictionary definition. He found himself surprised that Dean participated in such a thing, but was also intrigued. 

_To Dean: What does one do while LARPing?_

_From Dean: That’s the beauty of it - you make it up as you go along._

Daphne came into the room then, a bowl of ice cream for each of them in her hands, and smiled down at her husband. “What are you looking at?” She asked. 

“Live action role playing - have you ever heard of it?” Cas asked her, certain she probably hadn’t. To his surprise, she smiled and nodded. 

“Actually, yes. My college roommate did it for a while. They didn’t call it that back then, but I’m pretty sure it’s the same concept,” Daphne replied, sitting down on the couch beside him and tucking one leg up under her other one. “I think she still participates on occasion, according to her Facebook.” 

“Leah did LARP? Huh, I never would’ve known,” he shrugged. “Apparently Dean does it. He invited me to the next tournament. It’s in two weeks.” He set aside his phone and took the dish of ice cream from her. 

“Oh! You should go. I’ve been saying you need a hobby other than watching Ancient Aliens,” she teased, bumping shoulders with him and grinning. 

“I don’t watch it that much,” he retorted. “Do you wish to come too?” 

“No thank you - I don’t think it’s really my cup of tea. But I think you’ll have fun. Tell Dean you’ll go.” With that, Daphne sunk further into the couch, a spoonful of cookie dough ice cream in her mouth and a smile on her face. Cas picked his phone back out to send a quick reply before he settled in with his dessert. 

_To Dean: I’ll give it a shot._

_From Dean: Good, come over Tuesday. We’ll talk about it. :)_

 

“So tell me about LARPing,” Cas said as soon as he walked into Dean’s apartment. Dean laughed and shut the door, following Cas into the kitchen so they could divvy up their Chinese takeout. 

“Oh man, it’s the best,” Dean took a bite of eggroll that he had plucked from the bag before Cas took it over. “Our LARP takes place in the Kingdom of Moondoor. We are ruled by a Queen, my friend Charlie.” 

“Moondoor. Interesting. What is your character, Dean?” Cas was mixing some rice in with his beef. Dean reached around him to grab his container of sweet and sour chicken. 

“I… uh, well I’m Charlie’s handmaiden,” he said. 

“Handmaiden?” Cas grinned, and Dean chucked a piece of chicken at him. 

“Shuddup. It’s still awesome,” Dean laughed. Then he popped a piece of chicken in his mouth. 

“Ok, so what do you do while LARPing?” Cas wandered over to the couch and took his normal spot at the end. Dean followed him, munching on yet another eggroll as he walked. 

“Well, our society is medieval in nature, but every group has a different setting in which they function. Fictional, historical, fantasy - it’s totally up to the group. And then we just… live our lives? Fight fake battles, write the history of the society we live in.” Dean plopped down and pushed his feet up against Cas’ leg. Cas pushed them away. 

“Well, I am excited to experience it,” he said. 

“When we’re finished eating, I’ll pull up the Moondoor website and show you what we’re all about. You need to be prepared if you’re going to hang out with the Queen’s handmaiden,” Dean winked, pushing his foot back up against Castiel. This time, Cas let it stay there. 

“Do we stay in a hotel or what?” 

“Nah man, even better! We have tents! We all camp out in the park, like we would if we were really fighting on a medieval battlefield.” Dean tipped his head back and sighed. “Man, I’ve missed it! Can’t wait to go again.” 

Cas smiled over at Dean, happy to see him so relaxed. 

“What’r’you grinnin’ at?” Dean said. 

“You,” Cas responded simply, and Dean nudged him playfully with the foot that was pressed up against his thigh. “So who is Charlie?” 

“Charlie is like my little sister. She’s a total geek, and she’s a wizard on computers. You’ll love her,” Dean sat back up so he could actually eat his dinner. “She’s dating my cousin Jo. They live over in Randolph. Jo works at her mom’s bar, The Roadhouse, and Charlie works for KU. Can I ask you a question, Cas?” 

“Of course, Dean,” Cas responded simply. 

“What’s your favorite color?” 

“I, uh, I would have to say blue. Why?” Cas’ surprise was evident in his voice and Dean smiled. 

“No reason. I just think it’s strange, I consider you one of my best friends, and I’ve had your dick in my mouth, but I don’t really know that much about you.” 

“Well, what is your favorite color, Dean?” 

“Red.” Dean replied. They had finished eating by this point, and he pulled Cas over to him to kiss him firmly on the lips. “So whaddya say we keep things PG for a bit and spend some time really getting to know each other?” 

Cas kissed him back, smiling against the other man’s lips. “I think that is a wonderful idea, Dean.” 

 

By the end of the night, Cas knew that Dean’s birthday was January 24 and he hated to celebrate it; that his favorite food was pie, closely followed by a good bacon cheeseburger; he had a fear of dogs from an attack as a child; and he loved Game of Thrones. Dean also knew Cas’ birthday, which was September 14, but discovered that Cas was one of those people who loved celebrating it; that he hadn’t originally been a business major in college, but had started off studying theology, which was something he was interested in; that he too loved burgers but he preferred ice cream for dessert; and that he had read the Song of Ice and Fire series but had not seen any of Game of Thrones. 

“That is an atrocity!” Dean exclaimed when Cas told him he hadn’t seen any of the HBO show. “Next week we’re definitely spending the entire night watching it. Marathon. I won’t take no for an answer.” 

“Are we turning Tuesdays into a weekly thing, then?” Cas inquired. 

“Unless you have a complaint,” Dean told him and Cas shook his head. The men kissed again, deeply, before Cas extracted himself from the couch. 

“I really should get home, though,” he said. “I will continue to research LARPing. And am excited to watch Game of Thrones next week.” 

“Sounds good - hey, shoot me a text, ok?” Dean didn’t want to sound needy but going so long without hearing from Cas the previous week had worried him. Cas smiled. 

“Of course.” 

 

“So this must be Cas,” Charlie grinned widely. Dean and Cas had driven the two hours down to Kansas City. 

“And you must be Charlie. Pleased to meet you, my Queen,” Cas bowed at the waist and Charlie let out a peel of glorious laughter. 

“Oh, Dean - I like him already!” She rushed forward and hugged Cas. “He’s cute, and he respects my crown! I think I’m going to appoint you head of my Queen’s guard!” 

Dean grinned, pleased to see his friends getting along so well. He was excited to spend the weekend with the both of them, away from his responsibilities at home, away from the lingering cloud of Daphne and real life. 

“So where are we crashing? These bags aren’t getting any lighter.” He asked. 

“Oh! I arranged for you guys to have a tent by mine - wouldn’t do to have my handmaiden too far away from me! I hope you don’t mind sharing,” Charlie told them excitedly. “C’mon, follow me. Everyone is just getting settled, we won’t formally start up til dawn.” 

They made their way through the bustling camp, filled with canvas tents and dotted here and there with a more modern tent. The smell of campfire smoke permeated the entire area, and Dean was thrilled to see that the event had grown quite a lot since the last time he was able to attend. 

Charlie’s Queen’s Tent was situated at the middle of camp, a hulking behemoth of brown and red canvas with a flag fluttering overtop. Dean knew she was able to fit an entire Queen-size bed in there. Beside it was a plain brown tent, marked with the same flag, that he correctly assumed was for him and Cas. 

“Should be a comfortable size for two guys. Make yourselves at home, recoup from the trip. Maybe I’ll see you at dinner?” Charlie opened the flap to the tent and motioned them inside. “If not - see you at sunrise!”

With that, the Queen departed, leaving Dean and Cas feeling lighthearted and excited in her wake. 

The two men entered their tent and went about situating their belongings, before Dean grabbed Cas’ hand and pulled him against himself. 

“We can sleep together tonight, if you want,” he whispered. 

Cas kissed him, and smiled against the other man’s lips. “Good. Now can we put an end to this PG crap?” 

Dean groaned and deepened the kiss. “Hell fucking yeah we can.” 

Dean tied the tent flap closed and turned back to Castiel, eagerly reclaiming his mouth and letting out a moan of want. He pushed his hands up underneath Cas’ t-shirt and delighted in the feel of his skin beneath his fingertips. Cas pulled away and pulled off the offending piece of fabric to give him better access. Dean followed suit, and when they converged again, it was to the delightful feel of their bare chests pressed together. 

“Fuck, Cas - all I can think about is you,” Dean murmured, as Cas bit and sucked his way down Dean’s neck. “Want you so bad.” 

The two men had stuck to their plan of spending their time getting to know one another, and had only gone so far as to kiss one another over the previous two weeks. There was a charged air of need between them as they shucked their respective pants and fell together onto the pair of cots they had shoved together to make one large bed. 

Their cloth-covered erections rubbed together, making each one gasp in pleasure, and Cas slid down Dean’s body, pulling his boxer-briefs down with him so he could take Dean’s erection in his mouth.   
Cas had found himself addicted to the musky taste of Dean on his tongue, the salty, bitter tang of his precome thick and heady. Dean let out a long moan and threaded his fingers into Cas’ dark hair as the other man enveloped his penis in the wet heat of his talented mouth. He was tempted to let him continue on this way, the pleasure was so intense, but this wasn’t what Dean wanted. 

“Cas, Cas, wait, come up here,” he managed to say. Cas whined, but complied, situating himself so his hard want was rubbing against Dean’s thigh. “Cas, I want to be inside you,” Dean told him, and Cas felt his dick throb with desire. “Can I?” 

“Oh God, yes,” Castiel groaned. Dean was pleased with his reaction, and he rolled off the cots to rummage in his bag for a tube of lube and a condom. 

“I was hoping you’d say that,” he said, tossing the two items on the blanket beside Cas and bending to pull his white boxers off. “I’ve been imagining it since you told me you wanted to feel it back in the shower.” 

Dean leaned down and sucked hard on one of Castiel’s nipples, leaving him panting and gasping as Dean reached down and jerked at his length a few times. Cas knew the basics of preparation for homosexual intercourse, but having never experienced it himself, he found himself a bit nervous. Dean noticed, and took things slowly, kissing and caressing down his abdomen and around his pelvic bones, laving attention on his inner thighs and testicles. 

Soon, Cas found his legs being spread, and felt Dean’s tongue lick tentatively at his hole. Cas gasped, and then urged Dean to do it again. Dean was more tenacious this time, licking and sucking and reveling in the scent and taste. 

When his tongue breached the muscle, Cas groaned. “More, Dean, oh God, more,” he panted from the top of the bed. Dean grabbed blindly for the tube of lubricant, and messily squeezed some onto his fingers so he could ease one in alongside his tongue. As Cas’ moans increased in frequency and volume, Dean pulled his head back and inserted a second finger so he could begin to stretch Cas open. 

Two fingers became three, and Cas was crying out for Dean to give him more. 

“Shhh, Cas, gotta keep it down!” Dean scolded, grabbing the condom packet from the bed and tearing it open with his teeth. He rolled the condom on and looked at the man on the bed. “Ok, it usually is easier to do it on your hands and knees the first time - “ 

Cas cut him off. “No. No, I need to see you Dean,” he panted, and Dean nodded. 

“Yeah, yeah okay - we can do that,” Dean whispered. He lubed up his dick, and lined it up with Cas’ opening. “Ready?”

“Just fuck me already,” Cas panted. 

Cas felt a pressure as Dean’s erection pushed slowly into him, inching slowly with delightful stretch and burn. Cas had never felt such pleasure in his life. Soon, Dean was fully seated inside him. He rested his forehead against Cas’. 

“Fuck, Cas, you feel awesome. So tight,” Dean panted into his mouth. They rested for a minute, waiting for Castiel’s body to adjust to the feel of the intrusion, and then slowly, achingly, Dean began to move. He set a slow, agonizing pace that hit Castiel’s prostate with every few strokes, soon reducing the dark haired man to a moaning mess. 

“Dean! Right there, fuck!” Cas could feel his orgasm building, and his own cock had barely been touched. A few more well placed thrusts and Cas toppled over the precipice, coming with a strangled shout and painting his chest with come. His ass clenched around Dean, whose own motions were becoming erratic and soon he followed him over the edge, his erection pulsing as he filled the condom with his own release. 

Sweaty, panting, and sated, the two men lay tangled together for a long few moments. 

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas whispered, kissing him deeply. Dean pulled out, groaning as he did so, and kissed Cas gently on the forehead as he prepared to clean them both up. 

“No, Cas - thank you,” he responded, feeling a familiar and frightening emotion building in his chest as he looked down at the man in his cot. “Now let’s get presentable and grab some food.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this brief little chapter full of fluff and smut. The real shit show begins in chapter 11.

“So, you and Dean, huh?” Charlie plopped down on the log by the fire, uncomfortably close to Castiel. Dean had run into an old friend, Benny, and wandered off to visit with some of the people he hadn’t seen since he had stopped attending the LARP events. Cas hesitated a moment. 

 

“I didn’t think he told you,” Cas replied, picking at the food on his paper plate. He was a bit shocked by Charlie’s up-front question but decided not to let it show. 

 

“Dude, he didn’t have to. If I didn’t pick it up from the looks you guys give each other, you certainly made it clear with that little performance back in the tent.” Charlie wagged her eyebrows, causing Cas to blush at the implication that others had heard their activities, and then her focus seemed to catch on something near Cas’ plate. “But, aren’t you married?” 

 

Cas figured she must have seen his wedding ring, and sighed. “Well, yes, I am.” 

 

“So what’s the deal then?” Charlie asked, and when Cas opened his mouth to protest, she cut him off. “Don’t tell me it’s a long story. I don’t have anywhere pressing to be, and Dean is like my big brother. I want to make sure he isn’t gonna get hurt.” 

 

“Dean said you have a girlfriend, right?” Cas asked her, and Charlie nodded. “So are you like Dean, or are you strictly attracted to other women?” 

 

“I am a chicks-only kind of girl,” Charlie replied. 

 

“And your family, they’re accepting of that?” Castiel inquired, and she nodded again. “Well, imagine being raised to feel that your sexuality was a sin. And imagine that just as you are finally starting to realize that you truly are gay, you meet someone who is genuinely interested in you, who repeats what you’ve been told your whole life, that homosexuality is a sin. That is what happened to me. I met my wife, Daphne, when I was in the middle of a crisis resulting from my attraction to my college roommate. She happened to walk in as I was asking God for help fighting my sinful thoughts. I was young and foolish and thought God gave her to me as an answer to my prayers.” Charlie looked stricken at that, and Cas gave a sad smile. “I love her, but I am not sexually attracted to her, and I cannot give myself to her in the way she desires very often. It is a struggle to get through the act. But she genuinely thinks she cured me of my homosexuality.” Talking about his sexual preferences with Charlie didn’t seem strange, knowing she was an open minded individual, and a fellow homosexual. 

 

“So where does Dean fit into all of this?” Charlie raised an eyebrow. 

 

“Dean was the first openly bisexual person I’d ever met. Not only that, but I felt an instant connection to him. Trust me, at first I wanted nothing more than to avoid him and to push all of the feelings away. But I’m drawn to him like a magnet. I cannot explain why.” 

 

“I saw something online once, that said some people are drawn to one another because they were the same cosmic particle, torn apart by the Big Bang and constantly trying to reconnect,” Charlie said. Cas smiled at that. 

 

“That theory seems like it might be plausible in this case,” he conceded. “I certainly feel like there is something greater at work in my meeting Dean.” 

 

“So, you’re having an affair with Dean?” Charlie was blunt this time and Cas ran a hand through his already messy hair, and nodded. 

 

“Yes. I am not proud of it, but I am not ashamed of Dean, or of my feelings for him. I simply don’t know what to do next,” he admitted. “I don’t want to hurt Daphne. But I want to be with Dean.” 

 

“Well, big boy, you better figure it out. Dean Winchester doesn’t get this way about just anyone. He’s gone on you, and I don’t want to see him get hurt.” Charlie’s tone was warning and Cas couldn’t blame her. When said out loud, it didn’t seem like a good situation, and no matter how right it felt, he knew his arguments seemed paper thin. But the thought of not having Dean in his life made something inside of him ache like he had been stabbed with a knife. He was fairly certain that hurting Dean would cause him just as much hurt, and told Charlie as much. She leaned forward and hugged him. “Good luck then, soldier.” 

 

With that, she changed the conversation’s direction and began to tell him what he could expect in the morning. At some point, Dean and Benny had wandered back to the group and Dean wrapped his arm around Cas’ waist. He could feel Charlie’s gaze on them but couldn’t help but to let himself relax into the warmth. He didn’t doubt Charlie was going to corner Dean at some point too, but he was happy to be in that moment. 

 

He must have dozed off, listening to the excited chatter and bathed in the heat of the campfire and Dean’s body. Soon, he found himself being led back to the tent, and tucked into the cot. Then, Dean’s familiar shape was pressed against his back and the other man was planting kisses on the back of his neck, as he drifted back into sleep. 

 

Dean couldn’t believe how much fun Cas seemed to be having with LARPing. He couldn’t help but stare at the other man as he grinned goofily and talked strategy with Charlie for their upcoming battle. Cas and Charlie clicked, and were well on their way to becoming fast friends, and it thrilled Dean to no end. 

 

Waking up beside Cas that morning had been thrilling for Dean, who missed sharing his bed with someone. Cas was grumpy when he awoke, a side of him that Dean had originally thought was simply due to hangover all those weeks ago, but was apparently just his personality. They had lingered in bed as long as possible, kissing deeply and reveling in being together, before Charlie had rallied them out of their tent at into her ranks. 

 

“A Queen needs her handmaiden!” She scolded as she rounded them up, smiling from ear to ear underneath her large gold crown. “Do not bring shame on our household by keeping Dean from his duties, Sir Castiel.” 

 

“Forgive me, Your Highness,” Castiel apologized, bowing deeply, which only made Charlie smile more. 

 

“Forgiven. Now come along, men - we have a war to wage!” Charlie had brandished a wooden sword then, and the campers around her let out a cheer, and their day had started. 

 

Now, they were ensconced in Charlie’s tent, him and Cas, Benny, a scrawny Asian kid named Kevin, Charlie, and Charlie’s ex, Gilda. “We meet on the battlefield here,” Charlie was saying, motioning to a map in front of her. “And we are outnumbered.” 

 

“There’s forest cover along the two long sides of this field,” Cas pointed out. “Can’t we use that to our advantage?” Dean grinned and Benny elbowed him in the ribs. 

 

“The two of you are enough to make a man sick, brotha,” Benny drawled in his thick Louisiana accent. Dean simply shrugged. He was in too good a mood to care, and knew Benny didn’t mean anything by his comments anyway. LARPing was all about fun, and was just what Dean had needed this weekend. 

 

“If we use the forest cover, we need to put the majority of our people there,” Gilda pointed out. “When their forces get beyond our men in the treeline, we can come at them from both sides.” Gilda flipped her heavy curls back behind her shoulder as she pointed out a few strategic locations, Charlie and Cas nodding as they listened. Kevin chimed in at some point, making the argument for dividing the forces equally, and Dean drifted back out of the conversation to drink in the sight of Cas in front of him. 

 

Cas looked good in his period clothes. Too good, in fact. Dean wanted to take them off of him one-by-one, reveal his skin in inches, and savor every bit of it. He couldn’t wait to take advantage of their second night together to do so. That train of thought was leading to an uncomfortable tightness in Dean’s pants, and he shifted, trying to alleviate the pressure as he tried to derail the images of Cas naked and panting underneath him. 

 

“Dean,” Charlie’s voice now, cutting into his thoughts. “What do you think? You usually have an opinion on our tactics.” 

 

Dean cleared his throat, shifting again, before looking at the people before him. “I, uh, think Kevin is on the right track,” he said. He didn’t want everyone to know that he hadn’t quite been paying attention and figured hitching his wagon to the former AP student and current Dean’s list undergrad wasn’t a bad idea. 

 

“I disagree,” Castiel noted. There was a twinkle in his eye that Dean couldn’t mistake for anything other than mischief, and he hoped that look would translate in some way to their tent later. And there went his thoughts again. “I think Gilda’s plan of sending the majority into the treeline would be more advantageous. They will underestimate us when they see the smaller force and will be less ready for our attack from the opposite side.” 

 

Charlie was nodding, and Benny interjected his agreement. 

 

“I think you might be on to something, my good Sir,” Charlie said to Cas. “Thanks to Gilda for suggesting that. Why don’t we draw up a more formal plan based on this idea then?” 

 

In the end, Charlie agreed to lead the decoy troops on the open field, consisting mostly of newcomers and those who usually didn’t participate in the battle portion to bolster the numbers. Dean and Benny would lead the entourage into the forest cover. The battle was scheduled to begin at noon, leaving them time to grab some food and regroup after. 

 

“You know, Cas, you were really hot in there,” Dean whispered into the other man’s ear, pulling him against himself once they had gotten back to their tent. Cas grinned and kissed Dean hungrily. “You make me so crazy,” Dean murmured against his lips. “So fucking crazy.” 

 

With that, Dean shoved Cas back onto the cot and dropped to his knees. He unlaced Cas’ pants quickly and shoved them down so he could see Cas’ cock, which was rapidly filling. Dean moaned low in his throat at the sight, and pushed Castiel’s legs open to give himself better access. 

 

“Shhh, Dean - everyone heard us last night,” Cas warned with a gasp as Dean took his erection into his mouth. Cas didn’t think he’d ever tire of the image of Dean with his mouth wrapped around him. 

 

Dean kept his eyes locked on Castiel’s as he bobbed on his dick, sucking and swirling his tongue, hitting all the places he himself liked to be stimulated in. Cas pushed one of his own fists into his mouth and bit down, trying to keep himself silent. 

 

He would wonder, after, how he managed to come without drawing blood from his hand, with the intensity of the bite. Dean swallowed down the ejaculate without issue, and then pushed Castiel back down on the cot to kiss him fiercely. 

 

“Fucking amazing,” Dean whispered, sucking gently on Cas’ neck. Cas laughed, and reached down to palm at Dean’s own erection through the rough fabric of his handmaiden attire. 

 

“You’re pretty fucking amazing there yourself, Winchester,” Castiel replied, as Dean let out a moan. Cas took advantage and rolled them over so he was situated on top of Dean. “Now let me finish what I started last night.” 

 

Somehow, they managed to give one another a nice blow job and get cleaned up and fed before the battle’s start. 

Castiel took up his place at Charlie’s side, watching as Dean and Benny led the other troops into the cover of the forest. Charlie elbowed him in the side and grinned. “C’mon - let’s kick some ass!” With a whoop, she swung her fake sword over her head and the battle began.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took me so long to get this up! Life has been crazy.

Castiel was surprised to find Daphne home that night after his normal Tuesday spent with Dean. In the weeks since Castiel and Dean had began their liaison, she hadn’t once beat Cas home. He entered the house quietly, dropping his keys softly into the dish by the door, and finding his wife sitting on the living room couch. She was dressed in pajamas and looked a bit pale. 

“Daph?” He called to her gently as he entered the room. “Is everything ok?” 

Daphne looked up from her lap and Cas noticed she was holding something in her grip, but was unable to get a clear look from his angle. Daphne’s eyes met his, and she smiled softly. 

“I’m pregnant,” she said. 

Castiel Allen was a good man. At least, he thought he was, until he started cheating on his wife with another man. Even then, he thought himself a good man, albeit a confused one. But now, standing in front of his wife as she told him she was pregnant, he was certain he was not a good man. A good man wouldn’t be feeling the urge to flee as badly as he was at that moment. All he wanted to do was to return to Dean and forget this bombshell from his wife. 

“How?” He managed to croak out, his voice shaking. Daphne shrugged. 

“Pulling out isn’t foolproof if you aren’t using any other birth control, Castiel.” She replied simply. “Aren’t you happy at all?” 

Happy. Right. That was the expected emotion in this situation. For some reason, a smile wouldn’t come, no matter how hard Cas tried. “I. Uh, well. This is just unexpected,” he replied hesitantly, moving to the couch and sitting down, shaking, beside her. “When did you find out?” 

Daphne showed him what she had clutched in her hands then, a positive pregnancy test. “Just a bit ago. I haven’t been feeling well, and some of the ladies at choir suggested I do a test….” her voice trailed away and she looked over at him, her eyes filled with moisture. Cas wasn’t sure if they were tears of joy at finally getting the child she dreamed of, or sadness at the knowledge that he was unhappy with the development. 

“Oh.” Cas breathed out. “Well, make an appointment with Dr. Moseley tomorrow, ok. To make sure everything is alright?” 

Daphne nodded. “Of course. You’ll come, right?” 

“Yes.” He swallowed hard and averted his eyes then. The last thing he wanted to do was add another life to his screwed up little family, but he had been careless and it was here now. Whether or not he was ready, Castiel Allen was going to be a father. 

Daphne moved forward to embrace him then, and without thinking he took her into his arms. He heard her sniffle, and then she pulled back from him, her eyes wide. 

“Is that a hickey?” Daphne’s voice was low and accusatory. “Castiel, why is there a hickey on your neck?”

Cas swallowed then. Dean knew not to leave marks on his skin - but they had been particularly caught up in the moment that night, and Castiel couldn’t say with any certainty that the other man had not sucked that bruise onto his skin. 

“Who is she, Castiel?” Daphne was practically growling now, and Cas sucked in, unable to make himself say anything. “Have you been using Dean as a cover for an affair, Castiel? Has he been helping you get away with seeing another woman?” 

“No,” Cas finally managed to say. “No, no, it’s not like that - there’s no other woman I promise.” He grabbed her fluttering hands and squeezed them. “I have been with no other woman except you.” 

“Then why is there a mark on your neck?” Daphne’s eyes were filling with tears again, angry tears that were leaking from her eyes and slipping down over her red cheeks. 

“It’s Dean.” Cas said flatly, reasoning that it was better just to say it straight out without beating around the bush. Like ripping off a bandaid. Daphne’s expression became stricken and she pulled away from him, like he had visibly slapped her. 

“Excuse me?” 

“I have been… sleeping with Dean.” Strangely, it felt almost liberating to say it out loud, like clearing the air was the best thing he could have done. Daphne was sputtering and then suddenly her hand connected with his face. 

“How dare you!” She shouted, jumping up from the cushion. “I tell you we are going to have a baby, and you tell me you’ve been sinning against God with another man?!” Daphne pressed her hand to her chest like she was in pain. “I thought you were past this, Castiel!” 

“It doesn’t just go away, Daphne!” He yelled back. 

“I… I can’t even do this right now.” Daphne was gasping for air and despite how little he knew about pregnancy, Cas didn’t think it was good for her to be getting this worked up. He moved toward her, and she flinched away again. “Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me! I’m going to stay with Daddy!” 

He watched his wife storm out of the room, and out of the house, before his gaze dropped back to the pregnancy test on the coffee table. 

“Fuck.” He hissed out, before swinging his foot into the table and throwing it backwards with a crack. The pregnancy test went flying, hitting the television with a thunk and dropping to the floor. “FUCK!” He screamed again, and this time his fist connected with the mirror on the wall, then with the lamp beside the couch. His hand was throbbing, and he looked down to see several shards of glass embedded in it. Even that didn’t bring clarity, however, as he punched the mirror another time, hating his face as it was reflected back at him in the broken pieces. His back slammed into the wall, and he slid down it, burying his face in his arms as he was overtaken by sobs. He cried himself to sleep there, his hand slowly bleeding, and his living room destroyed, still wearing the clothes smelling of sex and Dean and happiness as he felt his life plummeting out of control. 

 

“Castiel.” 

He awoke to the soft voice of his father-in-law, who was crouched down beside him on the living room floor. Early morning light streamed in through the windows, bathing Zachariah in white. Cas’ hand was throbbing, and he looked down to find it a mangled mess. Zachariah helped him sit up, and flinched when he saw his glass-covered hand. 

“I’m going to call an ambulance, just sit still,” the older man told him. Cas’ head was swimming, and if he could speak, he’d tell him he definitely wasn’t going to go anywhere. But his throat was raw from his screams the previous night and his head was pounding. He heard Zachariah’s muffled voice and then the preacher was back at his side. “They’re on their way,” Zachariah informed him. Cas couldn’t nod - his head hurt too badly - and he didn’t want to speak, so he remained silent. 

“Daphne asked me to come check on you. I’m glad she did,” he heard his father-in-law tell him. “That hand of yours is in rough shape. You’ll probably need surgery. You’re lucky you didn’t hit your wrist and bleed out overnight.” 

Castiel looked straight ahead, trying to shut out Zachariah’s voice and the ache of his hand, and the pain of his life. 

“She told me what happened. She’s pretty broken up, but she loves you, Castiel, and I know with prayer and hard work you both can move past this.” 

The silence dragged on, and eventually the older man got the hint that Cas didn’t want to talk. Zachariah sat with him until the ambulance arrived, and Cas was shuffled into it. 

“I think he’s in shock,” he heard someone say. He allowed himself to be settled onto a stretcher and felt a prick in his arm and then the world went black. 

 

When he awoke the second time, he was in a hospital bed, and his wife was sitting beside him, her eyes red and puffy and her face pale. His right arm was bandaged and encased in a cast, and he felt dopey. 

“Oh, you’re awake!” Daphne said from beside him. “Thank God.” 

He turned his fuzzy gaze on her, and swallowed hard around the dryness of his mouth. She noticed, and immediately brought a cup of water with a straw up to his lips for him to drink from. 

“You messed up your hand pretty badly. They had to reconstruct it, you had a lot of broken bones and torn tendons. You may not ever recover full range of motion,” she told him. He simply nodded, looking away from her and out the window. “Castiel, won’t you talk to me?” Daphne was on his left side, and she gripped his uninjured hand in her own. 

“Why are you here?” He asked her, his voice thick from disuse. It felt wrong, and he realized he would much rather remain quiet. 

“Because I am your wife and I love you,” Daphne answered quietly. Castiel grunted in response. “Get some more rest, my love. We can talk after.” Castiel allowed himself to slip back into blissful unconsciousness. 

 

The third time Castiel woke up, Dean was sitting beside him, and Cas was convinced he must be hallucinating. “Dean?” He whispered. Dean’s head snapped up, and a look of relief flooded his features. 

“Oh my God, Cas, thank god -” Dean squeezed his hand, the same one Daphne had been holding. “When I heard the ambulance was at your place, I tried to call. You didn’t answer, not my calls, not my texts. Sam’s ex girlfriend, Sarah, is a nurse here and she got me the info on you coming in. What happened?” 

Cas took a steadying breath. He was confused and out of sorts and wasn’t sure why Dean was here and Daphne wasn’t. 

“Where’s Daphne?” Cas asked. 

“It’s Wednesday, she left for the evening service a bit ago.” Dean told him. “Or at least that’s what the nurse told me.” 

“She didn’t see you?” Cas’s heart rate picked up and he took deep lungfuls of air in an attempt to calm himself. 

“No. But why do you care? She knows we’re friends.” 

“She knows, Dean. About us. That’s… that’s why this happened,” he motioned to his hand. “She was home when I got home and she saw the mark you left on me, she accused me of sleeping with another woman. We had a fight, she left, I lost my temper. And she’s pregnant.” 

“Pregnant? Is it yours?” Dean’s eyes were large and stunned. 

“I - I assume so. I didn’t ask. But I don’t think Daphne would cheat on me.” Cas felt a pang of hurt at those words, because six months ago, he never thought he’d cheat on her either. 

“Shit.” Dean exhaled loudly. Cas closed his eyes tightly and steeled himself against what he was about to say. 

“I have to fix this,” he said after a moment. “For the baby. I need to try to fix things with Daphne.” He turned his head back toward Dean then, meeting his gaze. “I can’t see you anymore Dean. Not right now.” A tear slipped out then, trailing down his cheek and he squeezed Dean’s hand. “I… I think I love you, Dean. But I need to be there for the baby. Please don’t hate me.” 

Dean’s face fell, and he let go of Cas’ hand. He ached for the touch, but didn’t try to regain the contact as the other man processed what he had just said. After a minute, Dean steeled his features and nodded. He cleared his throat and nodded again. 

“Yeah, I get that. I totally get that. Just…. don’t let them change you, Cas. I’ll be here, if things don’t work out….” With that, Dean stood up and brushed his palms down the front of his pant legs. “I guess I’ll see you around then,” he mumbled.  


“Please don’t hate me, Dean,” Cas repeated. Dean nodded at him. “And tell your friend Sarah that she needs to be more mindful of patient privacy,” he added. Dean’s mouth lifted into a small smile. 

“Sure, Cas.” 

With that, the other man turned and left, breaking Castiel’s heart in the process.


	12. Chapter 12

Dean spent the next few weeks burying himself in work. He remained at the shop long after Bobby had locked up and headed out himself, only hauling himself back upstairs when he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer, or the growling of his stomach became too distracting. 

That first night after Castiel had broken things off between them, he’d gone to his apartment and drank himself into a stupor before calling his brother. The next day, he’d resolved not to drown his sorrow in alcohol, when he’d woken up late with a pounding headache, and gotten a thorough reaming from Bobby for his tardiness. 

So instead he ran on coffee and fumes, and eventually Bobby had had enough of that too. 

“What’s crawled up yer ass lately, son?” The older man stopped beside the car Dean was practically inside of, a beat up old Dodge Intrepid from the mid-90s. Dean cursed as he hit his head on the underside of the Dodge’s front hood, and stood up rubbing his scalp. 

“What’r you talking about Bobby?” He grabbed a grease rag off the roof of the car and wiped his hands on it. 

“Yer putting in so many hours I’m about to start chargin’ you rent on the downstairs too,” Bobby said. “An’ I spoke with Sam, he said you were seein’ someone an’ things went south…” 

“Ah fuck, Bobby. You think I’m in here bustin’ ass for you cause of a breakup?” Dean accused. 

“It’s a small town, Dean. People talk. I been hearin’ some things that are starting to add up.” 

“Yeah?” Dean huffed, tossing the rag to the side. “Like what?” 

“Well, I know you an’ Castiel were gettin’ pretty close there for a while, and now you’n’ him aren’t even speaking,” Bobby started, and Dean snorted. 

“Cause Daphne has a bun in the oven. Cas has better things to do with his time than hang out with me,” he countered. 

“Word round town is that things ain’t so great over at the Novak place. Rumor has it that things have been rocky for a while, an’ there’s even talk that Castiel cheated on Daphne, but no one can figure out who with, since the man is known to be a bit anti-social,” Bobby raised his eyebrow and Dean swallowed hard. 

“People need to mind their own fuckin’ business,” he spat out. 

“I ain’t accusing you of nothin’ Dean. I jus’ don’ want you workin’ yourself to death. When’s the last time you saw Ben? Maybe you should take a little trip down and spend some time with yer boy.” Bobby suggested. “Business is slow, an’ you’ve more than earned it.”  
Dean grunted to show Bobby he’d heard his suggestion, and walked away. Bobby sighed, and wiped a hand down his face, muttering “idjit” under his breath as he followed Dean from the shop. 

Dean hadn’t spoken to Castiel since that evening in the hospital, and he had assumed things were going well between the other man and his wife. He’d tried not to think about his fling with Castiel Allen, nor of the burgeoning feelings he had been experiencing in the time leading up to their untimely breakup. He didn’t particularly care what the locals thought of him, but their opinion of Cas was important. He was married to the preacher’s daughter, and by default was one of the more public figures in their sleepy village, despite his reserved and private nature. 

He walked to the coffee pot, aware that Bobby was following him. As he poured himself a cup of the bitter old brew, he cleared his throat. 

“Cas ‘n me, we were sleeping together,” he confessed. When he turned around, he was surprised to see that Bobby didn’t seem all that shocked by the news. “I wish I could say it was a mistake, but it meant something to me. He broke it off when Daphne found out about the baby. Daphne knows about it, he told her that night.” 

“I figured something like that might be going on, but what consenting adults do is their business,” Bobby said simply. “But you can’t hang ‘round here drowning your sorrows in work.”

“You trying to get rid of me, Bobby?” Dean smiled then, and Bobby snorted. 

“Don’t tempt me, boy. Now, why don’t you call up that ex of yours and see how your son is doing?” 

Dean was never quite so thankful for Bobby’s hands-off style of Mother henning as he was at that moment. He nodded, and choked down the last of the coffee from his cup. 

“Alright. I haven’t spent a weekend with Ben in a while. I’ll give Lis a call.” Dean and Lisa had parted on good terms, both realizing that staying together just for the sake of Ben was doing them all more harm than good. They had no formal custody arrangement, because Dean figured it was better for Ben if he was in a familiar environment more often than not, and because Dean had moved a couple hours away and didn’t want the distance to impact his son’s social life. 

“Good,” Bobby clapped him on the shoulder. “And go home, would ya?” 

 

Dean climbed the stairs to his apartment, kicking off his boots as he hit the speed dial for Lisa on his phone. His former fiancee answered after two rings. 

“Hey Dean,” she greeted. Dean smiled softly at her voice. 

“Hey Lis. How’ve you been?” He opened his fridge and grabbed a can of Coke, popping it open as he made his way back to the couch. 

“Things have been good. Ben’s doing well in school, says he has the world’s coolest teacher,” Lisa told him. 

“I was hoping I could get him for a weekend soon,” Dean said. “It’s been a while, and I’m pretty well settled in up here.” 

“Of course, Dean. He has a long weekend coming up. Why don’t you take him then?” Dean realized Lisa could probably use a break, and he was glad Bobby had pushed him to call her. 

“Yeah, of course. Just let me know when and we’ll figure things out,” he replied. 

He and Lisa caught up for a few more minutes, and Dean penciled the weekend in on his calendar with a smile. He missed his son, and was excited to spend some time with him. When he hung up the phone, he looked around and realized he probably needed to head to Goodwill and pick up some furniture. His couch was a pullout, so Ben had someplace to sleep, but a chair and some pillows, and some bedding, would be needed. Dean figured he could afford to splurge on some video games and an Xbox as well, and started putting together a list of things he should pick up over the next couple of weeks. 

By the time he finished his list, he realized he hadn’t eaten dinner yet. With a smile, he ordered some takeout, and for the first time since that day in the hospital, didn’t even notice that he was alone on a Tuesday night. 

 

A week and a half later found Dean an hour and a half south in Topeka, waiting for his son to load his bag into the Impala. Ben was dark haired like his mom, with her olive skin, and Dean’s green eyes. 

“Hey dad!” His son chirped as he hauled open the door of the Impala. Dean grinned and reached over to ruffle his hair. 

“Hey kiddo - you ready to go?” Dean waved at Lisa, who was standing on her front porch, and Ben nodded eagerly. “Alrighty, let’s hit the road then!” He made sure his son was securely fastened into the seat and pulled away from the curb. 

“I thought we’d hit the Roadhouse for some burgers, and then stop by the store and get stuff for some hot fudge sundaes - what do you say?” 

“Yeah!” Ben agreed, and Dean felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders as his son smiled in the seat beside him and fiddled with the radio. Ben was the only person in existence who was allowed to pick the music in the car when Dean was driving aside from Dean himself. 

Dean and Ben discussed Ben’s schoolwork, music and movies, and football as they made the trip to Ellen’s bar and grill. Upon arrival, Ellen and Jo descended on the boy with excitement, and Dean didn’t think he would ever stop smiling at the sight. For the first time in the better part of a month, Dean felt lighthearted and at peace. The aching throb of his heart was soothed completely by the cheerful presence of his only child. 

The pair ordered their cheeseburgers - Dean’s a double bacon burger, and Ben’s a burger with onion rings and barbeque sauce - and Dean happily listened to his boy chatter about the guinea pig his mom had gotten him over the summer. 

“A guinea pig, huh? What happened to the puppy?” Ben had been asking for a puppy since he was four years old. Dean wasn’t much of an animal person, and had always objected to the thought of adding a pet to the household before he and Lisa split. 

“Mom says I have to prove I’m responsible enough,” Ben grumped, taking a gulp of his chocolate milk. 

“Makes sense,” Dean mused. 

“I like Pickles,” Ben said of his guinea pig. “But I still want a dog. CJ got a puppy last year, it’s so cool! He’s huge!” 

Jo arrived then with their food, and she laughed at Ben’s continued tirade about how much he wanted a dog. “Keep at it buddy,” she said, ruffling his hair. “I had to wait til I moved out before I could, but it was worth it. My Diva is awesome.” She pulled her phone from her apron and showed the boy a picture of her dog, a mostly white Jack Russell Terrier with a spiked pink collar. Dean rolled his eyes and swatted the waitress’s arm away gently. 

“Ok, ok, you two - eat up, Ben. We have sundaes to make.” 

 

Dean grabbed a basket as he and Ben made their way into the supermarket. “So I’m thinking mint ice cream with hot fudge and peanuts, whipped cream, cherries. Whaddya say?” 

“Eww, no peanuts,” Ben complained. “How about sprinkles?”

“You got yourself a deal, young man,” Dean agreed with a grin. He snatched a weekly circular off the rack as they walked past, knowing he was going to need more groceries after Ben headed back home. The young boy’s appetite rivaled his Uncle Sam’s at his age, and Dean often wondered if his son was going to be as tall as his brother too. 

He walked at a leisurely pace, Ben running a bit ahead of him. Dean wasn’t concerned. The store wasn’t large, and he couldn’t get himself into any trouble. Or at least Dean hadn’t thought he could, until he heard the sounds of a collision, the soft smack of his son thunking into someone larger than himself. 

“Ben!” Dean called out, rushing to help the boy up. “Are you alright?” 

“M’fine dad,” Ben grumbled, climbing back to his feet. Dean made sure he was ok, and turned to apologize to the man Ben had run into. When he saw who it was, however, he froze. Standing before him was the man who had broken his heart a month ago, wearing slightly more stubble than he was used to, but decked in his familiar frumpy trenchcoat and with his normal shock of bedhead. 

Dean cleared his throat. “Sorry ‘bout that, man. He wasn’t watching where he was goin’ and I wasn’t paying enough attention.” 

Cas smiled, and shook his head. “No need to apologize. I must admit I wasn’t watching myself either,” he responded. “Is this Ben?” 

“Yeah, this is my boy. Ben, this is my, uh, friend, Cas.” Dean rubbed at the back of his neck, feeling uncomfortable. He wasn’t ready for casual chit chat at the grocery store, but he knew it would have been rude for him not to introduce his son to the other man. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Ben,” Cas greeted, offering his hand for the boy to shake. Ben took it and murmured a “nice to meet you too.” Cas straightened up then and smiled at Dean. “He has your eyes,” he observed. 

“Bout the only thing he got from me,” Dean replied. “But, hey, I promised this little man we’d have sundaes tonight. Can’t keep him waiting. It was good to see you.” 

“Same to you, Dean,” Cas said sadly. 

 

That night, as Dean laid in his bed staring sleeplessly at the ceiling, his phone buzzed on the nightstand. When he squinted at the screen, he saw a simple message: 

From Cas: I miss you. 

Dean didn’t reply. Instead, he turned his phone off and rolled over, ignoring the fresh pang in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh... maybe I should mention that my DCBB, "Salve Regina", will post on AO3 on November 13. 
> 
> Shameless plug. 
> 
> :)
> 
> And my first car was totally a 1995 Dodge intrepid, hence the vehicle choice this chapter. Random factoid.


	13. Chapter 13

THREE MONTHS LATER

The wind was chilled as it whipped Castiel’s trenchcoat about him. He pulled it closer to his body and tried to focus on what the salesman was saying despite his discomfort. 

“This particular model has the best safety features of any minivan on the market today,” the thin man - Aaron - was telling him. The vehicle in question was a deep blue Honda Odyssey. “It has superior handling, and wait til you see this interior! It even comes with a built in shop vac.” 

Cas feigned interest as Aaron showed him all of the vehicle’s features. “So whaddya say - wanna take her for a spin?” 

This was the car Daphne wanted, but he wasn’t sold on it. She had test driven it the previous day and asked him to come down and look at it too. 

“No thank you,” he responded. Aaron’s face fell and Cas knew the other man thought he’d missed out on the sale. “I intend to keep my own car, so all that matters is that Daphne likes the way this one drives. Are you in tomorrow?” 

“Oh, yes! Here, let me get you my card!” 

Five minutes later, business card in hand, Cas settled himself into his Continental and sighed. He picked up his cell phone and scrolled through his contacts before pressing one and putting the device to his ear. 

“‘eyyyyyyyyyy baby brother!” 

“Hello, Gabriel,” Castiel responded. “I’m buying a minivan.” 

“Ouch. How’d you get roped into that?” He heard Gabriel laugh. 

“You know how,” Cas said, and Gabriel sobered up instantly. 

“Is she still holding that over your head?” 

“I had an affair, Gabe. With another man. Of course she is.” 

Things in the Allen household remained unsettled. The couple had started marriage counseling with one Meg Masters, whom Castiel found likable, but the therapy didn’t seem to be helping. After Cas had bumped into Dean at the grocery store a couple of months back he made the mistake of reaching out to the other man via text message, which caused another argument with his wife. 

On top of the tension brought on by his infidelity, pregnancy hormones made Daphne volatile. The regular conflict had resulted in Castiel spending some time with Gabriel at his home in Kansas City, where his brother was an instructor at the Culinary Institute. Thankfully, Cas had several weeks of vacation accrued at work, and he had spent a good two weeks rekindling his relationship with his older sibling, who was going to be spending some time with Castiel and Daphne during the upcoming holiday break. 

“How many times do I have to tell you there’s nothing wrong with being with another man?” Gabe chided him from the other end of the line. “Don’t let those religious nutters get to you. Cheating on your wife isn’t a good idea, but it isn’t any worse if you do it with a man rather than a woman.” 

Castiel had learned while he was staying with the other man that his brother had had a number of relationships with other men. Gabriel was a true equal opportunity lover and saw any form of love as acceptable. Now, he was in a very serious relationship with a fiery real estate agent named Kali, but he had apparently been something of a casanova in the years before she came along. 

“I know, Gabe. But Daphne doesn’t see it that way.” 

“Why are you still with her Cas?” His brother asked him seriously, something he’d asked multiple times before. “You don’t have to be there just cause she’s pregnant.” 

“Yes I do,” Cas said quietly. 

 

The next day Daphne picked up their new minivan, and Castiel felt a little more of himself sink deeper into the depression that had been building since he stopped seeing Dean. 

“Oh, Castiel, I love it! It’s just perfect.” Daphne exclaimed as soon as she walked into the house. She was swollen with pregnancy, red faced from the cold, and radiating excitement. Castiel was standing at the stove boiling potatoes for dinner and he gave her a wan smile over his shoulder. 

“I’m glad you like it,” he said, before returning his attention to the pot full of spuds. His wife crossed the kitchen and wrapped her arms around him from behind, pressing her belly against him. 

“I do,” she whispered. “Thank you.” 

Intimacy was something the two had been struggling with since news of his affair had come to light. On top of the mood swings, pregnancy seemed to jump start Daphne’s libido. Unfortunately, Castiel could no longer pretend in the bedroom, and both parties were left unsatisfied. Cas himself wasn’t feeling particularly inclined to sexual activities as it was, with his recent dour mood. 

“You’re welcome, Daphne. These potatoes are about ready to mash - can you get out the stuff?” He ignored her body pressing up against his own, and was silently relieved when she pulled away. “What time will your father and Michael be arriving?” 

Michael was a new addition to the Church, a young pastor assigned to the knowledgeable tutelage of Zachariah. He was smart and had a dry sense of humor, and seemed well suited for close work with Cas’ father-in-law, who could often be prickly. Michael was also single, so he often accompanied Zachariah to family dinners. 

“They said they’d be here around 6,” she replied, setting the milk and butter on the center island. “I’m going to set the table.” 

Castiel watched his wife retreat sadly. They’d been dancing around one another for nearly five months now and he didn’t feel as if anything had truly improved. Daphne was excited about the baby and enjoying the holiday season at the church, as she always did, but he was unhappy and not certain Daphne noticed, or cared. With a sigh, he drained the potatoes and plugged in his hand mixer. 

He lost himself in the mindless tasks of preparing the potatoes and cutting the roast, changing into clean clothes just in time to make it down to dinner before the guests arrived. The addition of the other two men brought some noise into the silent house, and soon enough the group was seated and eating dinner together. 

“So, Daphne, I see you got the new car today!” Zachariah noted. “What do you think of it?”

“It is amazing!” She responded happily. “Smooth drive, amazing safety scores. The perfect family vehicle.” She was smiling, resting one hand on her many months pregnant stomach and waving a fork around in the other. 

“Do you think you’ll get rid of your old death trap now, son?” Zach turned his attention to Castiel, who bit back a groan at having to speak. 

“I don’t intend to,” he answered honestly. He knew it was the wrong response, but couldn’t find it in himself to care. 

“Why not?” Michael asked, and this served to only irritate Cas further. 

“It’s truly none of your business,” he snapped. “Please, enjoy your meal. I need to take a walk.” 

Castiel removed himself from the table with haste, grabbing his trench coat on the way out the front door, which he closed a bit harder than was probably required. He’d hardly made it through ten minutes at the meal and was a bit embarrassed at his own behavior, but truly he had reached the end of his rope.   
He found his feet following a familiar path, and he hated himself for it. Before long, however, he found himself standing in front of Singer’s Auto, looking up at the second floor and wondering what Dean was doing at that moment. It seemed unconscious as he climbed the stairs and knocked on the door. He only questioned his actions when the door opened to reveal a pretty blonde with a bright smile. 

“Oh, my apologies, I didn’t realize Dean had company -” he murmured, beginning to turn away before the woman touched his arm. 

“Hey, wait. Did you need something? Dean’s not in right at the moment, he and Sam ran down to the corner store. But I’m sure he’ll be back soon,” the blonde said sweetly. 

“Sam?” Something tugged at Castiel then, and he smiled. “You must be Jessica.” 

“Sure am! And you are?” Jessica pushed the door open then, and gestured for him to come inside. It felt strange to be back in the familiar space, but he was grateful for the warmth. 

“I’m Castiel Allen,” he introduced, and he knew the moment she recognized the name from the way she drew in a harsh breath. 

“Well, Castiel, I can’t say I expected you to show up but it’s not my place to turn you away. Can I get you anything to drink while you wait?” 

“Oh, um, a glass of water would be fine thank you,” he replied as he took a hesitant seat on the couch, noticing that Dean had added a few things to his living space in the time they had been absent from one another’s lives. 

Jessica brought him a glass of water and smiled again. “It is good to meet you, Cas, no matter what the circumstances are between you and my brother-in-law.” She sat down next to him. “What brings you by tonight, anyway?” 

“I’m not certain,” he said after a moment of hesitation. “Things have been… difficult… for me lately. I needed to get out of my house and apparently my mind recognized this as a safe place to retreat to.” 

“I get it,” she whispered, reaching over to clasp his hand in her’s. “And please, if Dean reacts poorly to seeing you here, don’t let it destroy that feeling for you. You hurt him, pretty bad. He’s still reeling. But he doesn’t hate you, I don’t think he has it in him to hate you.” 

Castiel felt a wash of affection for this relative stranger sitting beside him, and he squeezed her hand. “Thank you.” 

No sooner was it out of his mouth than the handle on the door turned, and an enormous man with shaggy brown hair walked in, followed by none other than Dean himself. Dean shut the door and locked it, and stopped dead when he saw Castiel sitting on his sofa. 

“Cas?” He rasped out, shock evident in his features. 

“Hello, Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These boys keep hurting each other, and me. I hate this chapter - I had a lot of trouble writing it, so I hope you didn't find it too choppy or strangely paced. I had emergency surgery at the beginning of the month so between that and finishing up my DCBB, I ended up mired in some writer's block. 
> 
> And if you haven't read it yet, be sure to check out my DCBB "Salve Regina"


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is a bit short! With the holidays coming up, I wanted to get something together for you sooner rather than later! And this one is essential to the shift into the second part of this story. Thanks for reading! :)

The last thing Dean Winchester had expected when he arrived home that night was to find Castiel Allen sitting on his couch beside his soon-to-be sister in law. It had been months since they’d last seen each other and longer since they’d spoken in any real fashion. Dean had worked hard to get the dark-haired man out of his head and move on with his life like he assumed Cas was doing with his. So why the heck was he in his apartment? 

He noticed Jess trying to discreetly usher Sam back out the door to give him space to talk to his ex-boyfriend and he was thankful for her foresight even if he wasn’t sure he was ready to face whatever was coming. 

Even after Sam and Jessica had departed under the guise of visiting Bobby, Dean stood frozen by the door, staring at Cas, who was picking at a familiar loose thread on his couch cushion. Finally, Dean broke the silence. 

“What do you want, Cas?” he managed to get out. Castiel looked up, his blue eyes wide and his face pale. 

“I - I don’t want anything from you Dean. I just want to talk,” he responded softly. “Can you at least come sit down?” 

Dean hesitated. While he had tried to get over Cas over the past months, the reality was that he hadn’t. He had gone on a couple of dates - always with women - but nothing stuck. Mostly he spent his time working, being a father to Ben, and spending time with Charlie and her merry gang of LARPers. At least while he was role playing he could pretend he wasn’t still suffering from a broken heart. 

He nodded after a moment, and went to sit on the opposite side of the sofa. 

“Ok, I’m sitting. Talk.” 

“I… I just needed to apologize to you, Dean,” Cas murmured. “The way that I left things, that wasn’t fair to you. And then I only made it worse by trying to text you even though I was trying to make things work with Daphne. I am sorry, Dean. For everything.” He looked up then, meeting Dean’s gaze with his own.   
“Do you regret what happened between us?” Dean asked. 

“Absolutely not,” came Cas’ certain reply. “I was truly myself when I was with you.” 

Dean nodded then, and looked away, unable to hold eye contact any longer as he felt tears welling up in his own. 

“You know, Cas… I’ve tried so hard to hate you over the last five months or so. I was falling in love with you, harder than I’ve ever fallen for anyone. And you pulled the rug out from under me, while you were sitting in the hospital with a busted fucking hand and I was worried out of my mind. But I knew you were married. I should never have let it get that far,” Dean choked a bit and a tear slipped past his eyelashes down his cheek. 

“Do you regret us, then, Dean?” Cas whispered. And it took Dean a length of time before he spoke again. 

“I wish I could. I wish I could look at it and see it as this giant fucking mistake that I let myself be led into because you have blue eyes and a nice ass. I want to regret it, so I don’t miss you every damn day. But I can’t. I fucking can’t.” Dean’s breathing was ragged by the end, tears streaming openly down his face. 

“I regret that I caused you this pain,” Cas said, his voice soft and unsure. 

“You should’ve told me you were still screwing your wife,” Dean hissed, and it felt like a smack in the face to Castiel. 

“I… wasn’t. I haven’t. Not since before we were together. Not since, either,” he admitted, and Dean turned his face back to him at that. 

“Then how’d she get knocked up?” 

“My daughter was conceived when I first began to feel attracted to you. I went home and attempted to channel my desires into marital affection. I was not careful about it, and as a result, Daphne became pregnant,” Cas sighed. 

Dean’s head was spinning and his heart ached. He couldn’t control the tears flowing openly now and he wanted to lash out, wanted to hit Castiel, wanted to kiss him. He squeezed his eyes shut and attempted to regain control of his breathing. All the while, Cas watched him with those piercing blue eyes. He needed to shift this conversation, and so he latched on to something that he didn’t think would be as painful. 

“So it’s a girl, huh?” He said after a series of deep breaths. Castiel nodded. 

“Yes. A girl. My house is now inundated with pink.” 

“And you and Daphne? Are you doing ok?” Dean didn’t want to bring it up, but he had to. 

“Not particularly, no,” Cas replied honestly. “As I mentioned, we have not been intimate with one another. Marriage counseling is doing us little good. But we are trying. No matter what happens at least we can say we tried.” 

The silence that followed stretched longer and longer. Dean wanted Cas to leave, but couldn’t bring himself to send the other man out the door, knowing it could be the last time he ever saw him and wanting just a few more minutes to take in his eyes and his stubble and the familiar disarray of his hair. 

It was Castiel who finally stood up to leave. “I know you have company, Dean. So I will get out of your hair. I apologize for interrupting and I really am sorry for hurting you.” 

“Thanks for the apology, Cas. I could lie and say I forgive you, but it wouldn’t be totally true. Maybe someday, but not yet,” was Dean’s answer. Cas nodded, muttering “yes, of course,” and they suffered an awkward parting at the door. As soon as the door shut behind Castiel’s descending form, Dean slumped back onto the couch and let himself be consumed with the grief that had threatened to overwhelm him during the conversation. 

When Sam and Jess returned later, they found him passed out on the sofa, his eyes rimmed with his sadness and the pillow wet beneath his face. 

“At least he didn’t get drunk,” Sam commented, looking about for any sign of alcohol and finding none. 

“I’ll go get his bed ready - you get him in there,” Jess volunteered. And between the two of them, they tucked the older Winchester brother into his bed and went to sleep uncomfortably on the pull out, which was not made for one single six-foot-four-inch man, let alone him and a grown woman.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays! Here's a little treat for you all. :)

Castiel absently scratched his fingers through his dark, close-clipped beard as he stared down at the newspaper, his coffee growing cold beside him. Staring back at him was an engagement announcement, reading "Daphne McNulty to wed Michael Clark in Christmas ceremony". Looking back at him was his ex-wife, her arm looped through that of the associate pastor at her father’s church. 

“You had to know it was coming, Cassie,” Gabe remarked, slapping his hand down on the paper from the other side. 

“Doesn’t make it easier,” Cas replied. “She’s the mother of my child.” 

“It’s been over a year since the divorce was finalized, baby bro. And we all know she was banging Michael before the two of you split. No need to look so glum.” Gabriel took the mug of cold coffee from beside Cas’ elbow and dumped its contents into the sink, rinsing it out and pouring him a fresh cup after. 

“We don’t know for sure she was sleeping with him, before,” Castiel pointed out, accepting the steaming beverage from his brother. Gabriel rolled his honey colored eyes. 

“I’d bet my bakery on it,” Gabe responded with a snort. The older Allen brother had opened a bakery about since months prior, and it was flourishing. “I mean, you hadn’t touched her for the better part of a year at that point, could you blame her?” 

Cas grunted, regretting for a moment the fact that he told his brother the whole sordid story, from his desperate prayer in the college chapel, to the first time he locked eyes with Dean Winchester, and all the way until the bitter end of his marriage. 

He and Daphne had tried to make things work until well after their daughter Claire was born in late March. But they both realized that they were only sticking it out for her sake. The illusion their marriage had been built on had been shattered the moment Castiel had drunkenly kissed Dean almost two years prior. 

Now, Castiel spent two weekends a month with his one-year-old, and lived with Gabriel in Kansas City. Or rather, he rented Gabriel’s place and, depending on the state of affairs in his and Kali’s volatile yet loving relationship, sometimes Gabriel was there and sometimes he wasn’t. 

Daphne had waited mere weeks after Cas had moved out - before the divorce was close to being finished - to make her relationship with Michael official. Most had seen it coming a mile away, Castiel included. Cas had tried to stick it out near town for Claire’s sake, but in the end decided a fresh start would do him good and took Gabriel’s offer of a place to stay and a good word for a cushy accounting position at Kali’s real estate office. His beloved Lincoln Continental had accompanied him, and he was happy to leave the horrific blue minivan behind. 

“Now the question is, when are you gonna get yourself back in the game, Cas?” Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows and Castiel rolled his eyes. 

“I’m fine, Gabe,” he argued. 

“Dude, medieval Popes got more tail than you do,” Gabriel said, popping a mini donut in his mouth. “When’s the last time you got laid? When you were with your green eyed adonis?” 

Castiel’s silence was answer enough for his brother, who almost choked as he started to laugh. 

“Ok, tonight we are going out.” Castiel opened his mouth to argue and Gabriel shushed him. “No no - you don’t get a choice. Meet me down at Myrrh at 7.” 

 

The bar Gabriel picked was near Penn Valley Park. Myrrh was modern and clean, with gentle lighting and comfortable seating. Gabe told Castiel that he knew the owner, a man named Balthazar, whom he hoped Castiel would hit it off with. 

“I’m not looking to be set up, Gabriel,” Cas complained as they entered the establishment. 

“No worries, Cassie,” Gabe soothed. “I just want to introduce you. Balthy is smart and has this sexy accent, and I think the two of you would enjoy each other’s company.” Cas wasn’t fully convinced, but allowed himself to be led along. They found two empty spots at the bar, and a blonde bartender made her way over to them. 

“Bela, my love!” Gabriel declared, and the woman rolled her eyes. 

“Gabriel. Where’s Kali?” 

“She’s got a few showings set up with a big client,” Gabriel explained. “This is my baby bro, Castiel. He’s recently single, and recently out, if you catch my drift.” Gabe winked and Castiel sighed. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” he said. “I apologize for Gabriel. Unfortunately you can’t choose your family.” 

Bela laughed and took their drink orders before bustling off with assurances that she would let Balthazar know they were looking for him. 

“DO you really need to mention that I’m gay when you introduce me to someone?” Cas complained after Bela had departed. 

“Sorry Cassie. I’m just so thrilled to know you’re finally being true to yourself!” Gabriel apologized. It had been a long road for Castiel, from admitting his affair to Daphne to telling her he was gay and unwilling to hide it any longer. It had been a couple of months after Claire was born, when Daphne had vainly attempted to initiate sex and Castiel had shut her down, as per usual. But then, he’d done something different. 

_Cas gripped Daphne’s forearms gently, guiding her to sit beside him on the bed. “Daphne, you know I can’t,” he murmured, his blue eyes serious as they caught her gaze._

_“Why not? This is what God intends for a man and his wife, Castiel,” she replied, pushing her hair back behind her ears like she tended to do when she was nervous._

_“Because I’m gay. And I’m tired of pretending I’m not.”_

_Daphne recoiled, pulling the bedsheet up to cover her exposed breasts. “I thought you’d gotten over this,” she whispered, repeating her words from all those months ago._

_“It’s not a disease, Daphne. It’s just who I am.” Daphne frowned, and moved further away from him._

_“You’re stronger than this sin, Castiel,” she said, and he clenched his jaw, unwilling to raise his voice despite his anger for fear of waking up Claire, who was sleeping in the next room._

_“Love, in all its forms, is not a sin,” he replied. Daphne was silent and refused to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry Daph. I’m going to go sleep on the couch. I’ll leave tomorrow.”_

He had moved into an extended stay motel near the hospital the next day, and Daphne had filed divorce papers within the week. But while she had quickly moved on, Castiel had not dated anyone since his divorce. He hadn’t even attempted to contact Dean. He’d simply moved to Kansas City and lived his life. 

Bela returned with his beer and a fruity concoction that Gabriel had ordered, and told them Balthazar was on his way up. 

“Lighten up!” Gabriel instructed. “I’m just trying to expand your social circle.” At that moment, a man rounded the corner and broke into a grin upon seeing Gabriel. 

“Gabe!” He exclaimed, coming around the bar. “Hello, Darling!” 

He and Gabriel embraced warmly, and then Balthazar turned to Castiel. “And who is this handsome fellow?” 

Castiel stuck out his hand. “Castiel Allen. Gabriel’s brother.” Balthazar gripped the offered hand and shook it, a grin on his face. 

“So very good to meet you!” He said. Cas had to admit there was a certain charming joie de vie about the man, and he definitely had an attractive accent. “Why don’t we find somewhere to sit and talk that’s a little less public?” Balthazar cast a glance at Bela, who was quite obviously eavesdropping. 

Balthazar led them away from the bar, Gabriel hot on his heels, Castiel lagging behind just enough that he could take in the rest of the establishment as he followed. 

“Cas?” He heard the voice before he saw the face, and suddenly he had an armful of Charlie Bradbury. “Voldemort’s balls, it is you!” She hugged him even more tightly. 

“Erm, hello, Charlie,” he mumbled into her red hair, which had been cut much shorter than the last time he saw her. “What are you doing here?” 

“LARPing, silly!” She pulled back to arm’s length and grinned. “Don’t tell me you forgot our magical weekend so easily.” 

“Oh yes, I had forgotten which park that took place in,” he replied. 

“And why’re you here?” Charlie questioned. 

“I live here,” he said simply. “I’m with my brother. He knows the owner.” Castiel motioned toward Gabe and Balthazar and Charlie smiled at them and waved. 

“Well, just a heads up cause I think you deserve one - Dean’s here,” Charlie told him when she turned back around. “He’s the one who spotted you actually. Didn’t think it was you cause of this peach fuzz.” She grabbed at his beard. “He took off to the bathroom. If you get to your table you should miss him. Good luck, soldier.” She saluted him then and winked, before heading to her own group. 

Castiel’s heart was beating hard in his chest, and he clenched one hand into a fist as he made his way to the other two men. Gabriel instantly took notice of his changed mood. “Little bro you look like you saw a ghost. Who was that fiery chickadee?” 

“That was an old friend, Charlie. I just need to sit down, I was surprised to see her,” he tried to reassure, sliding into the booth beside Balthazar. Gabriel eyed him strangely but said nothing.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote this chapter 123,000 times and I still don't like it. But I owe you guys something! And the next one is already better than this one. :)

Dean Winchester knew God hated him. Why else would he have plunked Dean down in this bar in Kansas City on the very night that Castiel Allen decided to visit it? He had spent the better part of the last hour watching the dark-haired man over the rim of his beer glass, as Charlie and Benny cast him worried glances and tried unsuccessfully to pull him into their conversation. 

And try as he might, Dean couldn’t help but notice how good the other man looked. He was wearing his hair a bit longer, and had a neatly trimmed beard accenting the line of his jaw. He looked less weary than the last time Dean had seem him, so many months ago. He looked more comfortable in his skin. 

Dean hadn’t expected to ever see Cas again. After news of the Allens’ divorce had spread around town, Dean had hoped Cas would come to him. Instead, he learned that Castiel had moved out of town. That was over a year ago. Dean had no clue the other man moved to Kansas City, although now that he thought back, it made sense given that Gabriel lived here. Seeing him now, with his arm slung around a blond-haired man wearing an obnoxious v-neck, made all of Dean’s repressed feelings for Castiel James Allen come rushing to the surface. 

“Dean, you ok?” Charlie’s voice was soft and her touch on his arm gentle. He cleared his throat and gave a wan smile. 

“‘course Charls, m’fine.” He replied. 

“You wanna get out of here? Benny is heading back. I think I’m gonna catch a ride with him.” Charlie offered. Dean shook his head. 

“Nah, think I’m gonna get another drink up at the bar. Not quite ready to pack it in.” 

Charlie hugged him tightly. “Ok. Just, make smart decisions.” Dean squeezed her and plopped a kiss down on the crown of her head. 

As Charlie and Benny headed out the door, Dean headed up to the bar. He plunked the beer glass on the counter and hopped up on a stool, purposely putting his back to the booth where Castiel was now obviously drunk, and getting a little bit handsy. 

“Rough night?” The perky bartender, Bela, asked as she picked up his empty. 

“Any idea who that guy is in the v-neck back there?” Dean inquired, ignoring her question in favor of jerking his head in the direction of Castiel. “I know Cas and Gabe but I’ve never seen their friend before.” 

“Oh, that’s Balthazar. He’s the owner here,” she said as she filled his glass. “Gabe brought his brother in to meet him tonight. Looks like they’re hitting it off. You friends with them?” 

Dean merely grunted as he took back the glass and swigged some of the amber liquid. 

“Ok there, cowboy, it was nice talking to ya,” Bela said, realizing that Dean wasn’t in the mood to talk. She saluted him and departed, leaving Dean to his brooding thoughts.

 

Balthazar’s mouth tasted like liquor, and his clean-shaven face rasped underneath Castiel’s beard. Cas hadn’t kissed anyone in so long he had almost forgotten the thrum a truly good kiss can send through his body. He hadn’t intended to even respond to the other man’s advances but a couple of beers and the knowledge that Dean was somewhere nearby had lowered his inhibitions. 

It felt good to have someone else’s hands on him. Even after admitting to himself that he was gay, and outside of his time with Dean, Castiel had never had much of a libid. In this moment, however, he felt the pull of arousal. He forced himself back from Balthazar, and smiled. 

“Somethin’ wrong, Cassie?” Balthazar asked, his accent smooth and inviting. Gabe was certainly right about that. 

“No! Nothing’s wrong, Balthazar. I just… we’re in public. Perhaps we should dial things down.” Castiel suggested. 

“You’re right, I apologize!” The sandy haired man laughed. “I’m so at home here, I got a little carried away. Would you like another drink?” 

“I’m ok, thank you. I do need to visit the restroom though. I’ll be back,” Cas excused himself with another smile and a quick glance about to ensure Dean was not present along his path. 

Castiel was in the bathroom for under a minute before he felt himself being shoved forward against the wall. 

“Tell me you aren’t going home with him,” a familiar voice rasped in his ear. Cas turned himself and shoved the other body backwards, looking into the green eyes of Dean Winchester as he did so.

“Dean?” 

“Tell me you aren’t gonna go home with him, Cas,” Dean pleaded. He looked stricken, his beautiful face pale. Cas licked his lips, which were still swollen from kissing Balthazar, and shook his head. 

“I - I am not sure,” he replied, his head foggy from drink and adrenaline. 

“Cas, please don’t.” Dean begged. “I know you don’t want him.” 

“How do you know I don’t?” Cas challenged. Dean was right - when it really came down to it, of course he was - but he didn’t like the implication that the other man still knew him so well. 

“I don’t. God Cas… just…” Dean ran a hand through his hair, which had grown a bit since Castiel had last seen him, and was parted differently than before. “Please don’t go with him.” Dean stepped back then and looked away. 

“Dean?” 

“I can’t sit there and watch you go with him. Not when I know you just met him, and not when I still need you so bad,” Dean whispered. “If you want to go, I won’t stop you. But I needed you to know how I felt.” 

Their eyes met then, and both fell into that familiar habit of staring for a pace too long. “I still need you too,” Cas murmured after a moment. Dean rushed back toward him again, then, and kissed him fiercely, crushing their lips together with all the force of their months of mutual longing. Cas may have been kissing Balthazar just mere minutes ago, but that was nothing compared to this. The feel of Dean’s mouth on his was so right, it brought a moan up in his throat. 

“God I’ve missed you,” Dean whispered into his mouth. 

“Dean,” Cas breathed out, locking eyes with the other man. 

“C’mon,” Dean tangled their fingers together and led Cas out the bathroom door.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up. I had a hard time with it - but not to fear! The rest should be back to a more normal schedule. :)

Dean had forgotten how perfectly right it felt to have Castiel’s body pressed up against his own. The other man had obviously been working out in their time apart, and he manhandled Dean with an ease that stoked the fire in his groin even higher. 

“Dean,” Cas breathed out, nipping at the skin just behind Dean’s ear. And it was amazing to hear that gravelly voice, so close to his earlobe that it tickled across the sensitive skin. Dean was on his back on Castiel’s amazingly comfortable bed, his clothes long shucked and left on the floor so his skin could be explored inch-by-inch by the dark haired man above him.

Cas had started sucking on Dean’s pulse point now, and he let out a long moan. He was harder than he’d been in a long time, aching to be touched, and he knew Castiel was dripping pre-come already. How they’d gotten this far with just foreplay was beyond him. 

“C’mon Cas,” he whined, unashamed of the need in his voice. “Fuck me already. Need it. Need to feel you.” He arched his back, seeking any pressure to take some of the ache in his lower half. “Needed you for so long.” 

“Oh I’ll fuck you, Dean. I promise,” Cas grumbled back. He was working his way back down Dean’s body now, dipping his tongue momentarily into Dean’s navel and eliciting a gasp from the other man.

Without warning, Castiel wrapped his mouth around Dean’s cock, causing Dean to buck his hips up involuntarily. Cas grasped his hips and pushed them down, a silent reprimand that had Dean apologizing between ragged breaths. Dean bunched his fingers in Cas’ dark hair, his other arm flopping over his eyes. 

Cas went to work eagerly on Dean’s erection, letting out his own moan when he tasted the heady salt taste of pre-come on his tongue. But just before Dean reached orgasm, he pulled off and moved his mouth southward, past his balls and to his ass. There, he began the process of prepping Dean, first with his tongue and then with fingers too. Dean didn’t know when he’d grabbed the bottle of lube, but he felt the familiar cool slide of it against his entrance and let out a whine he would deny to his dying day. 

“Are you ready for me, Dean?” Cas asked, and Dean managed a broken “yes, fuck, please” before Cas was rolling on a condom and lubing himself up. 

The feeling of Cas breeching him was like coming home and Dean couldn’t help the emotion that rolled up within him, causing a lump in his throat and forcing a tear down his cheek. Cas wrapped him up in his arms, breathing into his mouth as he slowly thrust into him. 

“Missed you so much,” Dean mumbled, and Cas thrust harder, more emotionally as he moved toward his own completion. Dean whimpered again as Cas took hold of his erection, thrusting his fist in time with his hips, and bringing Dean to an overwhelming orgasm just before he reached his own. 

“I missed you too,” Cas whispered.

 

Being together again was a work in progress. It hit Dean in a moment of clarity soon after they had reached their mutual orgasms and curled around one another that he didn’t truly know him, this version of Cas who was comfortable in his own skin and happier than he’d ever seen. 

“I think we should do things the right way, this time,” Dean informed Castiel the next morning, as they were nursing their respective hangovers with a greasy breakfast and strong black coffee. 

“And how would that be?” The other man replied, biting into a piece of bacon. 

“I mean… we have different lives than we did before. I think it’d be good if we got to know each other again, as people.” Dean wasn’t sure why he was so nervous making the suggestion, but the fact that he knew almost nothing about Cas’ life now bothered him. He was sitting in an open-layout apartment in one of the more expensive complexes in Kansas City, looking at a different version of the man he loved. 

Dean wasn’t stupid. He knew his own life had changed. He was a part owner of what was now known as Singer-Winchester Auto Repair and Restoration. Their restoration business had taken off after Dean’s prowess with rebuilding classic cars had gotten around, and they were looking to open a second shop in the near future. Bobby had been involved in a crash about nine months prior that left him paralyzed from the waist down, leaving Dean to oversee most of the shop’s day-to-day business. Once Bobby had realized Dean wasn’t going to run the place into the ground, he’d promoted the younger man and given him full control over the restoration side of the operation. 

“That makes sense,” Cas agreed after a moment of thought, his brows drawn together like he was wont to do when considering something. “And… we do live quite a ways apart now,” he noted. 

Dean grinned at that. “Maybe not for long. Bobby wants to open up a second shop near here. Since the one back in town has been retrofitted for his wheelchair, and is basically his home, this one would be mine to handle. I’d be looking to relocate.” 

“Wow, things must be thriving for that to be an option,” remarked Cas. “I had heard about Bobby’s paralysis. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” 

Dean cleared his throat, looking away from the other man and out the sliding glass doors of the balcony, where a bright morning was slipping into afternoon. When he looked back, his eyes were wet. “Why’d you go, Cas? Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?” 

“We hadn’t parted on the best of terms, Dean. That last time we spoke, you weren’t ready to forgive me. I figured it would be easier for you if I just let you be.” Cas’ expression was open and honest, and he didn’t flinch from Dean’s gaze. 

“I never stopped thinking about you. Wonderin’ where you’d gone,” Dean admitted. “Bobby told me what he’d managed to get from Daphne, but she’s been understandably tight lipped about you.” 

“I’m sorry Dean. I didn’t think you’d want to see me.” Now he did look away, ashamed of his own actions so long ago. 

Dean set down his fork, and licked his lips. “I love you Cas. I never stopped. I tried seeing other people, but they were never good enough, never you.” 

“Last night was the first time I’d even gone out with anyone,” Cas confessed. “I didn’t want anyone else. I only went to Myrrh because Gabriel forced me to.” 

Tears were slipping down Dean’s cheeks now, tears of joy at being reunited with the man he loved so desperately, and tears of anger at having been separated from him for so long because of the things he had said before. 

“If we do this again, we do it right this time, Cas,” Dean repeated. “I won’t hide you again, and I want to be a part of every part of your life.” His voice was choked with emotion, and Cas reached across the table to take his hand. 

“I want nothing more, Dean.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you live under a rock, there is a spoiler for "Game of Thrones" in here.

The two men decided to spend their day lazily, watching television and talking about their lives. Dean told Cas that Ben had finally worn his mother down and gotten a puppy, a beagle he called Bowser. Cas showed Dean photos of Claire, who was a smiling infant with blonde hair, big cheeks, and Cas’ striking blue eyes. 

They had just watched Ned Stark get his head lopped off (“That Joffrey’s a dick”, Dean noted) when Gabriel came bursting into the apartment, ranting about being left behind at the bar the previous night with the man he had intended to set his brother up with by said brother.

“You better have a damn good excuse for high-tailing it out of the bar like your ass was on fire, bro!” Gabe chastised as he made his way into the living room, stopping short when he noticed Castiel was not alone. “Oh, hello - I didn’t realize Cassie had company.” 

Cas pulled himself away from where he had been lounging comfortably against Dean, and sat up with a groan. 

“Hello, Gabriel,” he greeted. 

“Hiya, Cas! You wanna introduce me to the strange man in our apartment?” Gabriel waggled his eyebrows and grinned. “If he’s the reason you left us in the dust, well - go you!” 

“Gabriel, don’t be an ass. This is Dean. Dean, this is my older brother, Gabriel.” 

Gabriel sauntered into the room now, flinging himself into the chair beside the sofa and plunking his feet up onto the coffee table. The entire time, he was looking at Dean. “You mean, THAT Dean?” 

“Yes, Gabe. That Dean. I apologize for not letting you and Balthazar know. I ran into him last night at Myrrh. It was all quite quick and unexpected.” 

“Oh, Dean-o! It’s so nice to finally meet you! The man who finally pushed my baby brother out of the closet!” Gabe exclaimed, throwing his arms open wide as if he was asking Dean to come hug him. Dean remained seated, and looked at the other man warily. 

“Erm, hi….” He replied tentatively, raising one hand awkwardly in a grudging wave. 

Castiel was watching the interaction with a guarded expression, waiting for the inevitable uncomfortable jibe from his brother. 

“Well, Cassie, I have to say I can forgive you taking off with this one. I mean, look at him.” The older Allen brother winked at Dean and Cas rolled his eyes. “But you probably do owe Balthy an apology. He’s pretty put out that you did, well, put out. At least not for him.” Gabriel was outright grinning at his own attempts at humor. 

“Oh my God, Gabriel.” Cas sighed, dropping his head into his hands. 

“Hey, uh, I actually think apologizing to that Balthazar guy might not be such a bad idea,” Dean chimed in. “I feel a little bad about how I handled things last night.” 

“Oh buddy, he’s gonna love you,” Gabe remarked. “Why don’t the pair of you come back down to Myrrh tonight? I’ll make sure Balthy can squeeze your apology into his busy schedule.” With that, he pushed up off of the chair and clapped Cas on the shoulder. “I gotta get back out there, Kali is waiting. Just wanted to check in and make sure you weren’t dead in the bathtub or something. I’ll tell her you said hi!” 

Gabriel grabbed a handful of the M&Ms he kept in a dish on the kitchen island on his way past, and flounced back out the door as suddenly as he had swept in, leaving Cas staring wide-eyed in his wake. 

“So, that was fun,” Dean said with a snort. Cas sagged back into the couch and groaned. 

“I apologize for Gabriel. He has always been somewhat intolerable, even for his own family,” Cas said. 

“He’s right though, you know?” Dean replied, pulling Cas back down against him and kissing the hair on top of his head. “It was kind of shitty for us to run out last night without saying anything. I mean, you were kind-of sort-of on a date with that Balthazar guy.” 

“Far from it,” Cas muttered. “I told Gabe I didn’t want to be set up. I was only kissing him cause I was drunk, and his accent is particularly attractive.” 

“Still. We should say sorry.” 

“And we will, Dean. But right now, I want to watch some more Game of Thrones and try to pretend my head doesn’t still feel like someone is sticking an ice pick in it.” 

 

Cas had fallen asleep not long after Gabriel’s visit, and once Dean extracted himself from the other man’s octopus-like hold, he called Charlie to let her know what was going on and to beg her forgiveness for missing the LARP event that day. 

“Dean, even LARP can’t stand in the way of true love,” Charlie admonished. 

“C’mon Charles, we don’t even know if this is gonna work out the second time around,” Dean mumbled. He ran a hand through his hair as he paced back and forth between the bedroom and master bathroom. 

“Well, it has a better chance this time,” Charlie pointed out. “Neither of you is married.” 

Dean agreed, and promised to call Charlie when he got back to his hotel to talk some more. Then he flopped heavily back onto the other man’s bed and stared at the ceiling. 

It was hard to believe that he was laying there at that moment. Only 24 hours before, he had been completely unaware of where Cas was living, and had thought the other man was permanently gone from his life. Now he was sprawled across his bed, which still smelled of the sex they’d had the night before, and could hear Cas snoring in the other room. 

Yeah, he could get used to this - but did he dare? It wasn’t him who had ended things last time, and it had caught him completely off guard, shattered his heart, and broken his trust. Despite it all he had never stopped loving Cas. It had been the end of his one promising relationship with a beautiful, vivacious girl named Cassie who knew Dean was still pining for the other man. 

Fuck it if Dean couldn’t let this opportunity slip past him. If he got his heart broken again, at least they’d given it an honest shot the second time around. That was the best they could hope for. And damn, Dean truly thought Cas might be “the one” for him. That wasn’t something he could just let go of. 

 

Dean was still staring at the ceiling when Cas ambled in, his hair even more disheveled than usual and a small smile on his face. 

“How long was I out?” He inquired in that rough voice of his. Dean sat up and reached out a hand for him, pulling him into the v of his legs. 

“Half an hour maybe. Forty-five minutes, tops,” Dean replied. 

“Mmm. My head feels better,” Cas told him, tipping his head up with a finger hooked underneath his chin. Cas leaned down and met his lips chastely. Dean met the kiss, and opened his mouth to deepen it. 

Dean ran his hands up the backs of Castiel’s thighs and cupped his ass through his sweatpants, tugging him closer and dipping his tongue into his mouth. Cas responded eagerly, moving to straddle Dean’s lap on the edge of the bed and tangling his hand in the short hair at the back of Dean’s head. 

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean moaned as the other man rolled his hips against his own. “What happened to taking things slow?” 

“We can do that after this. Right now, I want to make up for lost time,” Cas said firmly, pushing Dean back onto the bed and crawling up his body. Their kissing grew more heated, and Cas’ hand roved down underneath the elastic band of Dean’s borrowed sleep pants to his erection. He gripped it firmly and looked down at Dean’s lust-blown green eyes. “Right now, I want you inside of me.” 

Cas made quick work of Dean’s pants, and his own, keeping the other man on his back with a firm hand on his chest. Dean was trembling with desire as he watched Cas take control, prepping himself before sliding a condom down Dean’s dick and lubing him up. 

When the dark-haired man sheathed Dean inside of himself, Dean let out a cry. It was unbelievably hot to see Castiel taking charge and fucking himself on Dean’s cock. “Cas, Cas, Cas,” he chanted breathily. Cas leaned down and again captured his lips, never losing his rhythm as he did so. He bit at Dean’s bottom lip and groaned as he found the right angle to stimulate his prostate. Dean’s attempt to reach for Castiel’s weeping dick was in vain, as Cas batted his hand away. And then the other man was coming, just like that, untouched and all over Dean’s chest. 

Cas rode Dean through his own orgasm, and Dean knew his own completion was coming quickly. This time he reached for Castiel and pulled his chest flush with his own, smearing Cas’ own semen on him as he took over to meet his own pleasure. He came with a shout, and held the other man closer to him for as long as they could stand to, reluctant to ever let go.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing but fluff and nonsense here, people. Fluff and nonsense.

It’d been a long time since Castiel had been on an honest-to-goodness date. He and Dean had never really done it, because of the whole having an affair thing, and he and Daphne hadn’t taken the time to go out together like that in years. So he was notably a bit nervous as he tried to decide what to wear to his first date with Dean. 

“It’s kinda funny,” Gabriel noted from the doorway to his bedroom, where he was leaning against the door frame and sucking on a sucker, “that you’re going on a first date with a man you were doing the horizontal tango with for almost a year.” 

“Shut up, Gabe. And it was like six months.” Cas snarked, irritable from his inability to choose a shirt to wear. He scratched at his beard and tossed another piece of fabric across the room. How did he not notice before how much he hated the entirety of his wardrobe?

“Just making an observation. Anyway, what’re you so worked up for? The guy has seen you naked and he’s still ass-over-teakettle crazy for you. Just wear what you want.”Cas glared at his older brother over his shoulder and Gabe shrugged. “Just tryin’ to help,” the older Allen brother said. 

“Don’t you even try to look good for Kali anymore?” Cas inquired, as he reached out to pick up a black dress shirt he was fond of. It was simple, yes, but he thought it fit him well. If he left off the tie and rolled up the sleeves, it might make a sufficient date shirt. 

“Sure I do,” Gabe responded. “But Kali is a whole different animal from your Dean-O. I gotta keep up with her or she’ll leave me in the dust. It’s why I love her.”

Cas tugged on the shirt and did up the front buttons, leaving the top two casually undone. He glanced at the clock to see how much time he had before Dean arrived. It was Friday, and he was driving out to the city from a week spent back at the main shop, so Cas knew he’d be a little late due to traffic through the western portion of the city.

“Where are you boys headed, anyway?” Gabe popped his lollipop obnoxiously and grinned at his brother’s disgusted face. 

“I think we’re going to hit up Smoke Burger,” Cas told him. “It’s not the fanciest place, but it has the best burgers, and that’s all that matters to us. We might swing into Myrrh on the way back.” 

“I’ll let Balthy know you might be stopping. That way he can put you on the list,” Gabe said. 

“Thanks.” Cas took one final look in the mirror and resigned himself to the fact that his hair would never cooperate no matter how hard he tried to tame it. 

“Anyway, I’ll be at Kali’s tonight so you kids have fun,” Gabriel told him. “I left a pie on the counter for your boy toy.” 

Forty five minutes later, he and Dean were tucked away at a table inside Smoke Burger. Despite how busy he was getting the second location of Singer-Winchester going, Dean still managed to look stunning in a simple black t-shirt with a hunter green overshirt and a pair of form flattering jeans. If it hadn’t been for their declaration to take things slow, Castiel would have been tempted to take full advantage of his empty apartment tonight. 

“I don’t know if we’re going to be able to find a place in Kansas that fits our needs,” Dean said with a sigh. “Which means we’re going to have to get our paperwork together for a Missouri location. You know how I hate paperwork.” 

“That’s what your lawyer is for, Dean,” Cas noted. “You need to focus on finding the right location, regardless of which side of the state line it happens to fall on. Have you talked to Kali?” 

“Gabe’s girl? Why would I do that?” Dean took a sip of his soda. 

“Kali’s firm specializes in industrial properties. I’m sure she could help you find what you’re looking for. In fact, I know we have a couple of listings open right now that would probably be a fit. I don’t know much in the way of details, since I just work in finance, but I remember seeing them. And of course we work in both Kansas and Missouri.” 

Dean considered this for a moment, his eyebrows drawing together over his slim nose. When he looked up, he grinned. “Why didn’t you mention it sooner, Cas? That’s a great idea.” 

“I’ll text you her number. Just let her know who you are and how you got it. She’s quite particular.” 

The waitress came along with their meals - a heaping barbeque burger for Dean and a cheesy mushroom swiss burger for Castiel - and the two men dug in with gusto. Coming here had been an easy decision for the two men, both of whom had an unhealthy addiction to burgers of all forms. Dean let out a moan, muttering about the “Earth shattering taste” that was his meal, and Cas kicked him underneath the table. 

“What about apartments?” Cas asked, when he finally came up for air. “You’re going to need one of those, too.” 

Dean wiped a smear of sauce off of his chin and shrugged. “I want to find a location first. I’ve gotten used to being pretty close to the shop, I’d like to find a place nearby if I can, with space for Ben to visit.” He popped a french fry in his mouth and Cas nodded in understanding. 

“That makes sense,” he said. “I’m sure Kali can find you exactly what you need. It will be nice to have you here all the time.” 

Cas found that he desperately missed Dean when the other man was away, now that they had reconnected. They texted off and on through the day, and talked most evenings, but it wasn’t enough. The prospect of Dean moving to Kansas City was thrilling. 

“So, hey,” Dean chimed in after a moment of silent eating. “Sam and Jess finally set a date.” 

“I can’t believe they still hadn’t tied the knot after all this time,” Cas noted, and Dean laughed. 

“Believe it or not, it was Jess who kept dragging her feet. Said she wanted Sam to focus on school.” Dean grinned, obviously thrilled at the prospect of his brother finally marrying the girl of his dreams. “Anyway, the wedding is in October. I’m the best man of course…. But I was wondering if you might be my plus one?” 

Dean seemed bashful as he asked, and it warmed Castiel’s heart. The wedding was two months away, and here he was making plans to be Dean’s date. Neither one of them questioned the presumptiveness of asking such a thing at this point - each one knew they couldn’t stay away from one another, so what was the point? 

“Yes, of course!” Cas responded. “I would enjoy that.” 

“Cool,” Dean took his hand across the table and squeezed it. 

“Do we need anything else over here?” The waitress, a pleasant brunette named Aimee, asked as she bustled back over to their table. 

“Just the check, please,” Cas replied cordially. Aimee told them she’d be right back, and departed again.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff here. Plot incoming next chapter.

The space Kali found was perfect, just like Cas had said it would be. The former warehouse afforded Dean plenty of space to turn this shop into Singer-Winchester’s restoration center and parts warehouse. As summer melted into fall, Dean found himself signing a lease on half of a duplex two blocks from the shop, with three bedrooms and a garage to park his Baby. 

“You did good, boy,” Bobby complimented, rolling his chair along inside of the building and listening to Dean’s plans for the area. “I’ll miss you over at the main shop, but I think you’re gonna do jus’ fine here.” 

“Thanks, Bobby,” Dean said with a grin. He still couldn’t believe he was standing inside of his own business. When he’d moved into the apartment above Bobby’s almost three years ago, he’d never expected his life would turn out this way. For the first time in a long time, Dean truly felt like he had his shit together. 

“How long d’ya think it’ll take to get ‘er up and runnin’?” Bobby asked. Dean shrugged. 

“I have a contractor coming in to talk things over on Monday. With Sam’s wedding in the mix, it’ll probably take a little longer, but I’m hoping by November 1. I’ll let you know once I set things up for the renovations.” 

“Sounds like you got it all under control,” the old man noted. Dean grinned at that and nodded. 

“Yeah, for once I think I do.” The praise from his surrogate father figure made Dean feel even more like he was on the right track. “You got the names and numbers of the people looking for restoration work with you?” 

“Sure do - it’s gettin’ long, too. You’re gonna be busy when this place is ready.” Bobby reached into the leather bag he kept slung over the back of his chair and fished out a file folder, which he handed over to Dean. It was thicker than Dean expected. 

“You aren’t kidding,” he noted. 

“Do I look like a kidder to you?” Bobby grumped good-naturedly. “Now, I thought you promised me dinner. Let’s get this show on the road, kid.” 

 

The meeting with the contractor took up most of Dean’s day, but by the end, he was pleased with the start they were making. As he locked up the shop for the night, he was grinning ear-to-ear. He realized that he needed to start interviewing potential employees, and find some software for his budding business. Thankfully, he knew just who to ask for help with that problem, and he shot off a quick text to Charlie before climbing into the Impala and heading to Castiel’s apartment. Today was the other man’s birthday, and they had dinner plans. But first, Dean wanted to give him his gift. 

Dean wiped his palms on his blue jeans, licking his lips nervously as he watched Castiel fumble with the wrapping on his present. It was mid-September, and Dean had agonized over this gift for the past two weeks. 

“You are a terrible wrapper, Dean,” Castiel scolded good-naturedly. He was still dressed in his white shirt from work, and a pair of black pants, but he’d pulled off his tie and undone a couple of buttons to be more comfortable. 

“Not everyone is Snoop Dogg,” Dean joked, earning him an eye roll from his boyfriend. “It’s the effort that counts, right?”

Castiel had finally worked the haggard balloon-print paper off of the simple white box, and Dean swallowed hard as the other man opened the lid and looked down at the simple silver key, hanging on a key ring that read “Be Audit You Can Be”. Castiel’s dark brows furrowed over his nose, and he looked up, obviously confused. 

The two men had done well in taking things slowly since they had reunited. They spent weekends together whenever possible, but neither one neglected their individual responsibilities to do so. They went on dates, and talked long hours on the phone, and texted throughout the day. Dean wasn’t certain that this wasn’t moving too fast, but after finding out that the lease on the very expensive apartment they were sitting in was almost up, he decided to take a chance. 

“Will you move in with me?” Dean asked, speaking quickly before he chickened out. “I know we are taking things slow, but it’s so silly for you to keep paying on this place without Gabe living here and I have three bedrooms so if you don’t want to sleep with me, it’d still be cool and -”

Castiel cut off Dean’s nervous rambling with a swift kiss. When Dean sat back, he saw that Cas was smiling. “Of course I’ll move in with you, Dean. Yes. And there’s no way I’m not sharing your bed.” 

Dean couldn’t hold himself back, pulling the other man tightly against himself to kiss him thoroughly and deeply. They had spent some time making out and groping since they got back together almost two months ago, but hadn’t taken things any further. The timing felt right, though, and Dean let himself get swept up in the feeling of the other man’s body against him. His hands found their way to the remaining buttons on Cas’ dress shirt, and he worked them open one by one, his mouth making its way down the other man’s pale throat. 

Cas moaned as Dean’s lips latched onto his pulse point, and he shoved his boyfriend back. “Not here. Bedroom.” He tugged Dean along by his arm, all but dragging him into the other room, eager to have their mouths pressed together again.   
They fell clumsily to the bed, too wrapped up in one another to care about grace and appearances. Dean had managed to get Cas’ dress shirt off, and followed suit with his undershirt so he could take one of the other man’s dusky nipples into his mouth. Cas buried his hands into Dean’s hair, not holding back the appreciative noises that fell from his mouth. Dean’s hands moved lower, finding the other man’s belt buckle and working it open. 

Feeling too exposed while Dean was fully dressed, Cas hauled Dean’s shirts off, and both shucked their own pants and boxers, feverish in their need. Dean then resumed his journey of kissing down Castiel’s body, shoving him over onto his back so he could trail down his stomach and take the other man’s cock into his mouth. Cas gasped at the contact, and his head fell back against the pillow as he tried to keep himself from thrusting up into Dean’s hot mouth. 

“Wait. Dean, wait,” he managed. 

“Something wrong?” Dean asked, his voice rough with desire. Cas simply grinned deviously down at him, and shook his head. 

“No, no, everything is great,” he replied. “I just… I want to do you too.” Dean raised an eyebrow and his face broke into a smile. 

“You mean… sixty nine?” 

“Yes… c’mon Dean,” Cas pleaded. Dean shoved himself up, and swung his leg around to position himself over the other man, his heavy erection hanging into his face. Cas murmured something and then took it into his mouth, and Dean happily returned his attention back to Castiel’s own penis. 

 

Half an hour later found both men sated and content, wrapped up in one another on Cas’ bed. Dean rested his head on his boyfriend’s chest, and sighed deeply. 

“So you really want to move in with me?” He said after a few minutes. His finger absently traced at the other man’s abs. 

“Of course, Dean,” Castiel answered. “I can’t believe you have to ask again.” He tightened his grip on the other man’s waist, pulling him closer. “But we missed our reservation at the restaurant.” 

“Who cares,” Dean muttered, pressing his face against the other man’s skin. “I’m pretty sure you’ve still had a happy birthday. I’m beat.” 

“Then let’s just stay here.” Cas suggested. 

“Let’s. Happy birthday, babe.” Dean said, the heavy pull of sleep tugging at him.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because it's my birthday I decided to give you all a gift! Enjoy!

When he stopped to think about it, Castiel didn’t really have many physical possessions. The apartment came furnished, and anything that wasn’t provided had been purchased by Gabriel when he moved in. When he moved out of the house he shared with Daphne, he took only a few things, such as clothing and books. In the end, it took him a single day to pack his life away in boxes for the move to Dean’s. 

“Well…. That’s kind of depressing,” he said to himself, alone in the bedroom, staring at the boxes on the bed. 

His life at the One Light Apartments had been dull, but stable. Gabriel had come and gone as he pleased, and Castiel had more or less had the place to himself. He’d been able to take the time to figure out who he was without Daphne, and for that reason he would always look on his life here with gratitude. But it was time to move on, and if he was honest with himself, this place had always been too fancy for him. He was much better suited to Dean’s duplex. 

With a sigh, he retreated to the living room to fetch the dolly he had borrowed from the shop, wheeling it into the other room to begin loading the boxes onto it. 

Cardboard containers labeled simply “clothes”; “dvds”; “books”; “memorabilia”, “miscellaneous”, all stacked nicely onto the dolly with room to spare. The lease wasn’t technically up until October 31, so Cas had plenty of time to come back if he had forgotten something. Without a second glance, he rolled the dolly and its cargo out the apartment door and down to the elevator. 

“You leaving us?” His next door neighbor, a short, round man named Marv, asked as he stepped out into the hallway. 

“Yes, I’m moving in with my boyfriend,” Castiel confessed. “He’s opening a business out on the East Side, and he found a place nearby.” 

“Good for you, Castiel. I hope everything works out,” Marv said. The elevator chimed and the doors slid open, letting off a young woman from down the hall and her small dog. Once she was clear, Cas pushed the dolly onto the lift and pressed the button for the lobby. 

 

The duplex itself was modest, located a few blocks south of the shop in a residential neighborhood. Dean said he had met the other tenant, a single man by the name of Chuck, and he seemed unobtrusive. Cas parked his Lincoln and popped the trunk. Dean wasn’t home, but had texted him to say he wouldn’t be gone much longer. He was sure he could get all the boxes moved inside before the other man arrived.   
The three-bedroom sported one room downstairs and two upstairs. The master bedroom was upstairs, and featured an attached bathroom. The other upstairs room was small, and Dean had set it up as an office, leaving the downstairs room for guests, and for Ben when he stayed. Cas hauled the boxes of books to the office, his clothes to the bedroom, and his miscellaneous items he set in the spare bedroom for the time being. By the time he was finished, he was exhausted. But just as he was about to fall onto the couch and rest, the doorbell rang. 

With a groan, he pulled himself back up and to the door, beyond which he found a dark haired woman. 

“Hello?” He greeted uncertainly. The woman, who had olive skin and a bright smile, offered her hand to shake. 

“You must be Castiel!” She said. “I’m Lisa.” 

Understanding dawned on him then, and he took her hand. “I am. It’s nice to finally meet you, Lisa. Where’s Ben?” 

“Oh, he took Bowser down the road, wanted to get some energy worked out of him,” she told him, referring to the dog she had gotten the boy the previous year. “Dean always lets him bring Bowser along when he stays.” 

That was news to Castiel, but he had no objection to the dog’s presence. He sometimes missed the cat he had shared with Daphne. But leaving her behind had been for the best - Claire adored her. 

“Well, come on in Lisa. Dean isn’t here yet but he should be any minute. You’re welcome to wait until he arrives,” Cas invited, stepping aside so she could make her way through the door. 

It was a bit strange to be standing there alone with Dean’s former fiancee, but Cas felt no jealousy or ill-will toward the woman. Dean and Lisa had been together a long time, and their decision to break things off had been mutual and well thought out. That they remained close friends was no surprise, with their lengthy history and their child. Castiel could only hope he and Daphne could foster a close relationship someday, when the memory of their parting was less vivid. 

“It’s so good to finally put a face with the name,” Lisa remarked, as Ben and an exuberant young beagle crashed through the door. The dog made a bee-line for Cas, jumping up on him and howling in the way only hounds can. 

“Bowser, no!” Ben commanded, tugging the dog’s leash until he dropped back to the floor. “Sorry ‘bout that.” 

“It’s no problem at all,” Cas responded with a smile. He had only met the boy once, a couple of years before. He’d grown since then, and was approaching his teenage years. Ben unclipped the dog’s leash after he settled down, and Bowser took off, nose to the floor. 

“So you’re dad’s boyfriend, huh?” Ben looked up at him, green eyes squinted, hands on his hips. Cas was sure the boy didn’t recall their run in at the supermarket so long ago, so he just nodded. 

“I am. I hope that’s ok with you.” Castiel looked over at Lisa, who was leaning on the counter that separated the living room and kitchen, and she grinned. 

“Well. Dad likes you, and Bowser likes you. So we’re cool.” Ben said with a nod. From outside, they heard the familiar rumble of Dean’s Impala as it pulled into the garage, causing the boy to rush back outside to greet his father and his dog to begin howling in another room. 

“I think that went well,” Lisa noted, and Cas agreed. He heard Dean’s voice as he and the boy approached the door and felt warmth in his chest at the thought of this being his life. To be able to be with the man he loved every night, and share in his family. It was like a dream.

His attention was pulled away as his phone vibrated in his pocket. He excused himself, and ducked upstairs to answer the call. His screen showed it was Daphne. 

“Hello, Daphne,” he said as he picked up. 

_“Hi, Castiel. How are you?”_ His ex-wife asked. 

“I’m fine. I just finished moving my boxes into the new place,” he sat down on the bed and looked at what he had to unpack. 

_“I’m glad you’re getting settled. Look, that’s part of the reason I called,”_ Daphne noted. _“Michael and I asked Samandriel if he would serve as our officiant, as Father Jacob passed away a few weeks ago.”_

“My brother?” Cas asked. 

_“Of course. It’s not a very common name, is it? Anyway, he and your mother will be attending the wedding. And since she is traveling into and out of Kansas City, Naomi offered to drive Claire to you after the service, so you don’t have to drive to take her for the week and so she can visit. She says she hasn’t seen you since our divorce.”_

“Did you stop to think that there is a reason for that?” Cas replied, dread pooling in his stomach. 

_“She deserves to know. Especially now that you’re living with Dean.”_ Daphne said simply. 

“That’s not your decision to make, Daphne,” he growled back at her. 

_“She offered to take Claire and I couldn’t say no. It helps me, it helps you. I’m sorry Castiel. I’ll get you the final details when I have them.”_ With that, Daphne hung up, and Castiel hurled his phone across the room.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This writer has her groove back!

Dean found him there in the bed an hour later, when he came up to check on him after getting Ben and the dog settled and seeing Lisa off. Cas had burrowed himself into the blankets, breathing in the heady scent of Dean. His phone still laid against the far wall, screen cracked in two places. 

“Cas?” Dean said quietly, coming to sit beside him on the bed. “What’s going on?” 

“She’s coming here,” Cas muttered, and Dean’s eyebrows meet over the bridge of his nose in confusion. 

“Who?” He asked. 

“Naomi Novak-Allen.” Castiel responded, spitting the name out like a curse word. 

“Your mom?” Dean’s confusion only deepens as Cas mumbles in assent. “Why? Why’d you throw your phone? What’s happening in your head, babe?” Dean lays down, curling up around him and pulling his boyfriend close this chest. “Talk to me, please.” 

“Daphne called. You know I’m taking Claire while she and Michael are on their honeymoon…. Well, apparently their officiant for the wedding died, so she asked Samandriel to marry them, since he’s a minister.” Cas heaved in a breath. “He and my mom are coming out for the wedding, and Naomi is going to bring Claire back here to me on her way to the airport. She mentioned the idea to Daphne and Daphne said it was fine - she…. She didn’t even consult me! She thinks my mom needs to know.” 

“She wants to force you to come out to her, you mean?” Dean whispered, and Cas nodded. “Fuck.” They laid in silence for a time, each relaxing at the sound of the other’s breathing, until Dean spoke again. “We could just pretend we’re roommates?” 

“I’m so tired Dean. Of lying, of hiding….” 

“We’ll figure it out. I promise. C’mon, Ben and I have to get to our final fitting. Come with us. It’ll get your mind off of things.” Dean kissed Castiel’s head, trying to convey his devotion through the physical contact. Sam’s wedding was the following weekend in Lawrence, and they had a lot to do to finish preparing. “Then we can hit up a barbeque joint on the way home. And get you a new phone.” 

Castiel agreed, and climbed out of the bed. “I’ve been lugging boxes all day. Do I have time for a quick shower?” 

“Sure babe. I’m gonna go down and make sure Ben is getting ready. See you in a few, ok?” Dean kissed him quickly and smacked him on the ass, ushering him toward the small attached bathroom. 

 

The following days were hectic for Dean, filled with Best Man wedding prep. Sam and Jess flew into Kansas City on Tuesday, and the three of them made the forty-five minute trek to Lawrence to visit Father Jim, the officiant who would be presiding over the ceremony, the next day. He had been a personal friend of Dean and Sam’s father, and when the decision had been made to hold the wedding closer to Bobby due to his recent paralysis, Father Jim had been the obvious choice. Lawrence was still a bit of a haul from Green, but Ellen insisted she was happy to pick him up and bring him on her way. 

Castiel found himself alone in the new place more often than not that week, which wouldn’t have been an issue, but it gave him too much time to think. Finally, he broke down and called Gabriel, who showed up on Thursday evening with takeout Chinese and a bottle of some sweet, flavored vodka. “Evenin’ bro!” He greeted, barging into the apartment like he owned the place, grinning from ear-to-ear. 

“Hello, Gabriel,” Cas greeted, taking the plastic bags full of food from his brother and putting them on the counter. 

“I hear we need to have a little talk about the Wicked Witch of the Northeast.” Gabriel handed the vodka over once the food was situated, and then promptly started digging through the fridge. 

“Yes. It would seem that our Mother has decided she dislikes the lack of communication I have with her, and would like to reconnect by ambushing me under the guise of delivering my daughter to me for the week after Daphne’s wedding,” Castiel said. Of Naomi’s three sons, only Samandriel had followed in the family business. Castiel’s grandfather, James Novak, had been a pioneer in television evangelization, rubbing shoulders with the likes of Rex Humbard, Oral Roberts, and John Hagee. Naomi had gone on to marry a relative of the wayward A.A. Allen, and had hoped her sons - all three - would become pastors and evangelists. Gabriel never showed the slightest interest in pursuing religious life of any sort, and Castiel had changed paths in college, leaving only Samandriel to make Naomi’s dreams a reality. Consequently, neither Gabriel nor Castiel had much contact with her or their youngest brother.

“Which is all well and good except you live with your boyfriend and Mother is too shrewd to believe he’s just your roomie?” Gabriel finally shut the refrigerator, turning and leaning back against the door with a raised eyebrow. In his hand he held a bottle of chocolate syrup, and Cas didn’t even understand why he had it, but didn’t ask. 

“Precisely. Dean suggested it, but I don’t think she will believe it. And even if she did, I’m tired of hiding who I am, Gabe. What should I do?” 

“Well, you and I both know Naomi is never going to be thrilled at the thought of having a gay son. She’s too concerned with image, with the reputation of Novak Evangelical Ministries. You’re not a Novak, and you’re no longer active with the business, but you’re still an heir to Grandaddy’s fortune. Being gay isn’t going to sit well with her. She might disinherit you.” 

“I don’t want or need the money, Gabe. You know that. I’m comfortable, Dean’s business is going to take off… You and Alfie can divide it 50/50 for all I care.” 

“Oh no, little bro - I’ve already been written out of the will.” Gabe popped open a box and handed it to Castiel with one of the plastic forks. 

“What? Why?” Cas grabbed a container of white rice and set about mixing the rice with the beef and broccoli Gabriel had just given him. 

“Kali is Hindu and I won’t convert her. Apparently that’s unacceptable. Not to mention the fact that I haven’t married and impregnated her yet.” 

“When did this happen?” 

“Couple years ago? I’m not sure.” Gabriel shrugged as he poured chocolate sauce on some shrimp fried rice. Castiel tried not to think about his brother’s questionable taste in food. “I figure I shouldn’t have to change who I am, or who Kali is, just so Naomi can keep having brunch with Joyce Meyer.” 

“Ugh, I can’t stand that woman,” Cas noted offhandedly, and Gabriel laughed. 

“Mother, or Mrs. Meyer?” The older Allen had finished mixing his revolting concoction and was now happily shoveling chocolate covered rice and vegetables into his mouth. Castiel shook his head and sat down at the island bar. 

“Is both an acceptable answer/” He said after a moment. Gabriel snorted, and then coughed as he choked on the food he had sucked into his windpipe. After his fit was over, he grinned. 

“So are you going to join me in the flock of black sheep?” He asked. “I’m pretty lonely over here.” 

“I’m not sure I’m brave enough to tell her,” Castiel confessed, his eyes downcast as he picked at his food. “I’ve spent so long trying to be someone I’m not, and I’m just getting comfortable with the idea of Castiel Allen as a gay man with an ex wife and a daughter and a steady boyfriend. I don’t know if I’m ready to throw our bigoted mother into the mix.” He heard Gabriel shuffle and settle himself into the stool to his right. 

“You’ve got Dean. You’ve got me. You have so many people who will be here for you. Do it before she brings Claire, so your daughter doesn’t have to be a part of it. Make sure Dean-o is with you, and don’t let her make you feel like less of a person. You are intelligent, loving, sometimes funny… You are worth so much more than she will imply.” It was rare for Gabriel to be this serious, and Castiel looked up at him. “Mother doesn’t get to dictate how you feel about yourself. Only you get to do that. And I am so proud of who you’ve become, Cassie.” 

Cas met his brother’s eyes, which were soft and full of unspoken love. He and Gabriel hadn’t been close until recently, until things fell apart with Daphne, but they had spent a lot of time together since and Gabriel was perhaps his closest friend. His behavior was abnormal and showed Castiel just how he felt about the matter at hand. 

“You’re right,” he said after a moment. “I should introduce her to Dean beforehand.” 

“Attaboy, Cassie.” Gabriel replied with a grin, punching him in the shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Supportive Big Brother Gabriel, don't you?
> 
> Also I apologize if you are a fan of Joyce Meyer.... Castiel's views reflect my own.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for a wedding, bitches.

He woke up to the caress of a hot, wet dog tongue on his face. There was a dog licking his face. Why was there a dog licking his face? Dean dragged his eyes open and came face to face with Bowser. 

“Bowser, go lay down,” he commanded groggily, throwing an arm over his face with the intention of falling back to sleep. The dog ignored his instruction and dropped onto his elbows in a play bow, letting out a “woof” as he did so. 

“Shut him up,” Cas grumbled from underneath the covers beside him as the dog huffed out another bark. 

“Bowser, go bother Ben,” Dean said. The dog jumped up on the bed and began licking Dean’s face again, and he groaned. “Fine, fine, I’m up.” He shoved the dog away from his face, and Bowser jumped back down, happily wiggling as Dean hauled himself up and out of bed. Cas mumbled something incoherent and burrowed deeper under the blankets. 

Dean shuffled into the bathroom to pee, Bowser on his heels as he did so, and then he made his way downstairs to take the dog out for his own bathroom break. On his way past, he peeked into Ben’s room to find the boy sprawled across the entirety of the double bed, most of the bedding kicked off onto the floor. He smiled, and then headed outside after clipping on Bowser’s leash. The early autumn day was dawning bright and crisp, perfect for Sam and Jessica’s wedding. His little brother was finally getting hitched and Dean couldn’t be happier for him. There were few people in the world more suited to one another than Samuel Winchester and Jessica Moore. 

Bowser happily sniffed his way down the sidewalk, tail wagging as he did so. Dean couldn’t believe he was up this early, walking a dog. He didn’t even like dogs - that was Sam’s thing. But Ben was totally devoted to the troublesome beagle and that was enough for him. 

When they got back to the duplex, Dean hung up Bowser’s leash and went to start a pot of coffee. While it was brewing, he took a quick shower, and attempted to wake up his boyfriend. 

“C’mon babe. We have a wedding to get ready for,” Dean shook the dark-haired man, who was still trying to bury himself in blankets. “I have coffee started.” 

“No.” Cas grumbled from inside of his nest. 

“Yes. Please.” Dean had learned that his boyfriend hated nothing more than mornings. Castiel would crawl out of bed only after much pleading and a promise of coffee, his hair even more disheveled than normal and his eyes squinted against the sunlight. 

“Fine. Only because there is coffee. And I like your brother.” The bundle of comforters began to move and Cas finally emerged, looking irritated and tired. Dean never found him cuter. 

“Go take a shower. I’ll start breakfast, and haul Ben out of bed.” 

 

Twenty minutes later, Ben was grousing at the injustice of being awake, Cas was showered and working on his first cup of coffee, and Dean had a hearty breakfast ready for each of them. He was the lone morning person in a house filled with night owls at the moment, and he took great pleasure in irritating his boyfriend and son with his chatter. Bowser followed at his heels, tail wagging and tongue hanging out one side of his mouth. 

Cas glowered at him over the rim of his coffee mug, and Ben didn’t look up from the omelette he was devouring with the enthusiasm of an almost-teenage boy. Dean smiled. Despite their dark moods, he was in his element, cooking for his family, surrounded by them. 

“Ben, once you finish up there, go get in the shower so we can start getting you into your tux,” he instructed as he grabbed two pieces of toast and passed them over to Castiel. “And take your mutt with you, he hasn’t left me alone all morning.” There was no heat to the last part, as Dean was fond of the dog, though he didn’t like to let anyone else know. 

“What time are you supposed to meet up with Sam?” Cas asked, more talkative now that he had caffeine in his system. 

“The ceremony is at one. I’m supposed to be in Lawrence around 11.” Dean finally plated his own meal and took the seat his son vacated on his way to bathe. “We have some time before we have to hit the road.” 

“I’m looking forward to seeing you in your tuxedo,” Cas remarked, one side of his mouth lifting into a smirk. 

“I hate it,” Dean confessed. “It’s uncomfortable. But Sam loves it and today is for him, and Jess.” 

“I’m glad they’re finally getting married,” Cas said. He smiled and met Dean’s gaze. Dean’s expression was soft and thoughtful and he smiled back at him. Dean didn’t know what was going through the other man’s mind at that moment, but he knew he was wondering if it would ever get to that point for Castiel and himself. He couldn’t help wanting it, aching for it. But he also knew that Castiel had a lot to work through, and the shadow of a previous failed marriage hanging over him. Dean himself knew it was too soon to be thinking these thoughts, but he thought them anyway. No harm in wondering, he figured. 

“Me too,” Dean finally replied, before continuing with his own breakfast. 

 

Ben had a heck of a time getting into his tuxedo, but eventually, all three of them were dressed and ready. Dean and Ben were decked in matching tuxes, deep grey in color with blue vests and ties. Castiel had put on his best suit, which was black, with a deep grey undershirt that matched Dean’s tux and a black tie. 

“Dang, don’t we clean up good?” Dean commented as they locked up and headed out the door, Bowser howling unhappily from the other side. Chuck had assured them the dog quieted down after a few minutes, and wasn’t a bother, but Dean still felt badly. 

Ben grumbled and fussed with the collar on his shirt and Dean slapped his hand away, leading the way to the Impala. The drive to Lawrence was quiet - Ben had shoved his earbuds in as soon as they climbed into the car, and Cas stared out the window as they zipped down Interstate 70. It was a comfortable silence, broken only by the sounds of traffic and Dean’s classic rock. After about twenty minutes, Dean reached over and took Cas’ hand in his own, keeping them secured together through the rest of the trip. 

Both the wedding and reception were being held at The Castle Tea Room. When Dean pulled into the parking lot outside the elegant location, he found Sam standing on the front steps waiting for him. 

“Dean! Hey!” Sam hopped easily down the stairs, his long legs carrying him easily to the Impala’s side. 

“Heya Sammy!” Dean greeted, pulling his taller brother into a tight hug as soon as he closed the car door. “Everything ok?”

“Oh yeah, fine. Just nervous, ya know?” Sam grinned as his nephew clambered out of the Impala. “You look great, Ben!” 

“This thing sucks,” Ben commented, tugging at his tuxedo grumpily, and Dean barked out a laugh. 

“You can change before the reception,” Cas reminded him. “Hello, Sam.” 

“Cas! It’s great to have you here, man.” Sam made his way over to his brother’s boyfriend and pulled him into an embrace. 

“I’m glad to be here,” Cas said sincerely.

“C’mon, let’s get inside,” Sam said, practically vibrating with his excitement. 

 

The ceremony was beautiful. Jess looked stunning a lacy white dress, the sleeves sweeping down over her wrists, the high neck accentuating her chin, her blond hair pulled up in a messy updo accented with baby’s breath and small blue flowers. Sam looked hopelessly in love, a tear trailing down his cheek when he spotted her making her way down the aisle.  
The service itself was short, for which Dean was thankful as he felt his son shifting anxiously beside him. Rings were exchanged, a kiss sealed the deal, and Fr. Jim was introducing Mr. And Mrs. Samuel Winchester for the first time. 

“That was beautiful,” Cas noted as he met Dean outside the tea room. 

“I’m just happy he’s happy,” Dean said with a smile. 

 

__

_Wise men say_  
_Only fools rush in_  
_But I can’t help  
_ _Falling in love with you_

__

Shall I stay  
_Would it be a sin_  
_If I can’t help  
_ _Falling in love with you_

__

Like a river flows  
_Surely to the sea_  
_Darling so it goes_  
_Some things…  
_ _Are meant to be_

Dean held Castiel close, the other man’s head on his shoulder and his hair tickling his nose. He used to think this song was just a cop-out of a wedding song, but hearing it in a new, feminine voice, with the man he loved despite so many obstacles in his arms, he realized just how true it was. His chest felt tight, his body warm, and his heart so full it was bound to burst. 

He pulled his boyfriend closer, and kissed the crown of his head, before he started singing softly. “Take my hand… take my whole life too… For I can’t help, falling in love with you….” He heard a sniffle and looked down to see tears tracking down the other man’s face. 

They danced until the end of the song, and then Dean led Castiel out of the hall into the cool night air. 

“You ok?” Dean asked, and Cas nodded. 

“Yes. Just feeling a bit emotional, is all. It’s a wedding after all,” Cas sniffled. 

“I know it’s more than that. Talk to me, Cas,” Dean whispered. 

“I spoke with Gabriel the other day, about our Mother. And I’ve decided to come out to her, before Daphne’s wedding. I want to take control of it, let her know that I love you, and nothing she can say will change that.” He took a deep breath. “I won’t do it til the shop is open. But I want to do it on my terms.” 

“You know I’ll be there with you,” Dean reassured him. “Will you be visiting her in person? Or does she Skype?” 

“She lives in Upstate New York. I’d rather not go all the way there. We’ll see.” Cas tipped his head forward so his forehead was resting on Dean’s chest. Dean held him closely, their silence comfortable as he provided comfort to the other man. 

“You’ll get through this, Cas. Someday, we’ll look back on it and it will seem strange that you were so worried.” He whispered. Dean couldn’t say how long they stood there before Charlie came and fetched them, saying it was time for cake, tugging them both back into the reception.


	24. Chapter 24

By the time Dean was officially ready to hold his grand opening, the wait list for classic car restoration at Singer-Winchester’s Kansas City division was over 10 long. 

“Holy crap,” Dean’s receptionist - a perky blonde woman named Donna with a heck of a Minnesota accent - said when she saw the file. “We’re gonna be busy.” 

“Sure are, Donna. Better get yourself ready!” Dean laughed. Their grand opening was a week away, and he wanted to be sure everyone knew their roles and responsibilities beforehand. His crew was hand-picked, a hodge podge of experienced mechanics - some taken from the original shop in Green - and new graduates. He hoped the group would come to work together as a family. 

Among his staff was Benny, a fact that thrilled Dean to no end. The burly Cajun was a heck of an artist and his skills translated well to detailing and painting vehicles. He was the first hire Dean made for the new shop and was also Dean’s shop manager. Charlie had offered to handle his IT needs remotely, which he had happily accepted for both this location and the original. Donna was his full time receptionist, and he intended to hire a part timer sometime in November. For now the accounting would remain with the company Bobby had been using for years, but Dean knew if they continued to expand it would need to be handled differently. 

Dean made his way through the converted warehouse, taking in the preparations being made for their opening. A logo had been designed, and an illuminated version of it was being hung on the wall. Tools were being organized, the warehouse in the back inventoried. In a week’s time, this place would be humming with activity and Dean couldn’t wait. 

His phone rang then, and he stepped out the nearest door to answer it away from the hubub inside. 

“Hey babe,” he greeted, seeing Castiel’s name on the display before he took the call. 

_“Hello, Dean,”_ Cas said from the other end. _“Is this a good time?”_

“Sure, what’dya need?” 

_“I’d like to go get Claire with you along, but I don’t want to take you away from the shop. What time do you think you’ll be home?”_ It was the first weekend that Claire Allen would be spending with her father in his new shared space with Dean. Daphne had visited the previous weekend with the child in tow, to check it out and let their daughter get acquainted with the space and with Dean. Cas had been a bundle of nerves about the visit all week. 

“I think I’ll be good to get out of here around two. Will that work?” Dean leaned against the side of the building. 

_“Yes. I am done at the same time. We can meet up at the house and take the Impala, if that’s ok?”_

“Absolutely, Cas,” Dean replied. “We can get dinner on the way home too. That way we can let Claire get settled in after we get back and not worry about cooking. I mean, it’ll be close to 8 or after by the time we get back in.” 

_“OK. I’ll see you around 2:15, then. I love you,”_ Cas said. 

“Love you too. See you later.” Dean hit the red “end call” button on his screen and shoved the phone back into his pocket, smiling like an idiot. 

“Hey, boss!” One of the new mechanics, a military man named Cole, waved Dean over as he walked back inside. “We’re just about to turn on the sign.” 

“Oh, sweet!” Dean was excited at the prospect and framed his mouth with his hands, shouting for his staff to gather round to see the logo lit. 

 

By 2 p.m., most of the work had been completed for the day and Dean figured they were ready to open their doors to the public on Monday. 

“Alright, everyone - go home, get some rest this weekend, and let’s get in here bright and early on Monday to kick things off right,” Dean instructed. 

“Got big plans for the weekend, boss?” Benny asked as they gathered up their things to lock up. 

“Sure do. Cas’ girl is coming to stay. First time.” Dean told him. Benny clapped him on the shoulder and grinned. 

“Sounds like you’re in for a good one. Enjoy it, y’hear? You’re gonna be her stepdad someday, you gotta bond with that little lady,” Benny instructed, and Dean smiled. 

“We’ll see about that,” he deflected. He had confided in Benny about his hope that he’d spend the rest of his life with Castiel, and the other man liked to tease him. Once everyone had made their way out, Dean locked up the front doors and made his way out the back to do the same there. He waved at a couple of the guys as they pulled out of the lot, and hauled himself into his own sleek, black Chevrolet. 

Home was not far from the shop, only a few blocks away, but Dean stopped by the store to grab a few drinks and snacks for the road before making his way to the duplex. He smiled when he saw that Castiel’s Continental was already parked at the curb. He had tested his potential mechanics by tasking them with restoring his boyfriend’s “pimpmobile” to its former glory, and they had done a phenomenal job. The gold car now shone in the late autumn sunlight, more safe and reliable than it had been in over a decade. 

Dean whistled as he made his way up to the door, swinging it open and shouting an exaggerated “honey I’m home!” as he strode through. 

“Every night, Dean… really?” Cas greeted, his expression mockingly exasperated. He was in the kitchen, unloading the dishwasher. 

“You know you love it,” Dean told him, wrapping him up in his arms from behind and kissing the base of his neck. 

“I do,” Cas confessed. “I very much do.” 

“I got some snacks and stuff in the Impala. I’m gonna go wash up and change while you finish that.” He told the other man, who hummed in agreement. “I’ll be right back.”

 

They were on the road not long after, and got to Green around 5 p.m. It was the first time the two of them had returned to town together, and it was strange to Dean to pull up outside the house that Castiel used to share with Daphne, and that she now shared with Michael. He saw the curtain on the front window pull aside momentarily, and as they exited the Impala, the front door opened and Daphne came out to greet them. 

“Do you have a car seat, or do I need to lend you mine?” She asked, looking suspiciously at the vehicle. Dean smiled. 

“Cas brought one home the other night. Had one of Gabriel’s cop buddies help us install it.” Cas shuffled awkwardly beside him, and he took the other man’s hand, squeezing it tightly. 

“Ok. Well, c’mon in. I’ll finish getting her ready,” Daphne said. 

Despite his prior friendship with Castiel, Dean had never actually been inside the house. Whenever they spent time together, it was away from prying eyes at his place. The interior was warm and homey and Dean wondered how much it had been changed since his boyfriend had lived there a couple of years prior. 

“Have a seat in the living room. Michael is dressing her, I’ll get her bag,” Daphne instructed. Dean sat down on the couch, Cas awkwardly following behind.   
“You ok?” He asked, and Cas nodded. 

“Yes. Just feeling out of place,” his boyfriend told him. “It feels wrong to sit here on this couch with you, after everything.” 

Dean recalled what he had been told of that fateful night Castiel had come home to find Daphne there after one of their weekly trysts, remembered what Castiel told him about their fight, which had taken place right in that spot, and about his rage afterward. “That’s understandable,” he said. “But we’re here for Claire. Just as soon as she’s in your arms, we’ll get out of here and go home.” 

A moment later, a blur of curly hair and squealing child barreled into Castiel’s body. “Daddy!” Cas scooped the toddler into his arms and hugged her tightly. 

“Hello, princess,” he greeted, kissing the top of her head. Dean smiled at the sight as the girl turned her big blue eyes on him. 

“Heya, Claire,” he said. “You want to go to daddy’s house for a few days?” Claire grinned and tried to bury herself further into Castiel’s front. 

“We’ve packed most everything you should need,” Daphne said, handing a duffle bag over to Dean. Her tone was cold, and Dean knew she wasn’t thrilled with the idea of Claire being exposed to their “lifestyle”. But she also wasn’t so selfish that she would keep Castiel away from his daughter, and now that meant Dean being around as well. “We usually do a bath and a book at bedtime, she sleeps well. Think you guys can handle it?” 

“I raised my son with Lisa,” Dean reminded her. “We’ll be just fine.” 

“Ok Claire Bear, come give us hugs and kisses!” Michael said, dropping down into a squat so the child could go to him. She was all smiles and giggles, and Dean wondered what it felt like for Cas to see his daughter treat Michael much the same as him. Lisa was dating a guy now, but Ben was old enough that it wasn’t a concern. Cas, though, just sat there with a small smile, waiting for Claire to say her goodbyes. 

Then it was time to get her strapped into the Impala, the child waving at Daphne and Michael the whole time while Cas struggled to buckle her seat. “Stop squirming, Claire,” he said. That of course made her wiggle even more. Finally, he managed to securely fasten the five point harness on her high-backed booster. 

“Ok, we’re off to the big city!” Dean sing songed. “What do you want for dinner, sweetheart?” He backed the Impala onto the road, and turned the car toward Route 16. 

“‘Donalds!” Claire shouted. 

“She has your terrible taste in food, Cas,” Dean joked. “How about we hit Sonic in Topeka?” 

 

Having Claire in the house was a major change of pace. She even put a smile on Chuck’s face when they encountered him in the back yard Saturday evening. Claire was racing about, laughing as the bubble machine they had grabbed at the dollar store spit out bubbles. Dean had a beer in hand, and some steaks on the grill. It was so domestic it made Dean’s chest ache. 

“Who is this?” Chuck asked, walking up to the short chain link fence from his beat up old sedan after a run to the grocery store.

“That is Cas’ daughter Claire,” Dean told him. He looked over to where Cas was seated at the patio table, sipping his own beer and watching Claire with joy. “We’re gonna have steak and baked potatoes, and some corn. You want in?” 

Chuck shook his head. “Nah, thanks though. I’m gonna get this stuff put away and then I got to get back at it, got a deadline looming and my editor is pretty pissed.” 

“Good luck, man,” Dean said, raising his beer bottle in a half-assed salute. Chuck laughed, and headed toward the door to his half of the duplex. Dean looked down when he felt a tug on the leg of his blue jeans. He looked down to see a small face, flushed with exertion and almost as pink as the fleece she wore, with familiar blue eyes staring up at him. 

“Hungry.” Claire stated. 

“Almost done sweet pea,” he told her, ruffling her hair, which was in a state of disarray from the wind and her running. 

“Ok Daddy Dea,” she said, hugging his leg. Dean felt his heart stop and he looked over to see if Cas had heard. He was looking at him with a similar shocked expression. Fuck if he didn’t love this mismatched little family he had going on. He ruffled Claire’s hair again, and turned back to the steaks.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I'm about to enter an insanely busy time at work, I thought I'd drop this little gift in all of your laps now. I've been rewriting and deleting and writing again for a few weeks and I'm still not satisfied but it is what it is. Enjoy!

“We are all going to die in this flying aluminum death trap,” Dean muttered, gripping the armrests on his seat beside Cas. 

“Dean, it’s just takeoff. It always feels strange,” Castiel soothed, placing a hand over his wrist and squeezing gently. “Isn’t that Xanax doing anything for you yet?” 

“No!” Dean clenched his jaw and closed his eyes, focused on breathing deeply as the aircraft ascended into the sky. They were headed to Albany, NY, which was only approximately 45 minutes east of Castiel’s mother’s residence. It was time to talk to Naomi Novak-Allen, and Dean was more terrified by the prospect of getting there than he was about meeting the matriarch of his boyfriend’s family. 

“It’ll be over soon, just breathe,” Cas instructed. For his part, Castiel was an excellent flier, although he didn’t do it often. He preferred to stay in one place, and that place he had ended up was strategically a distance from his mother’s home of choice. She did own a place near St. Louis - close to the home of her dear friend Joyce Meyer - but chose to spend most of her time in Fonda, where she had grown up before her father’s evangelical ministry had taken off. 

Dean began to settle as the plane reached cruising altitude and the Xanax relaxed him. His eyes grew heavy, and soon he nodded off against Cas’ shoulder. Once Dean was calm, Cas himself tipped his head back against his head rest and dozed for the duration of the flight. 

It was November and therefore cold in Albany when they arrived. Both men had packed jackets in their carry ons, and immediately pulled them out before heading to pick up their rental car. Cas drove, easily navigating them onto I-90 West and heading toward the place of his childhood. 

The Novak-Allen residence was outside of town, an old farm house on a sprawling piece of property. For all of her money, Naomi tended to keep a low profile, maintaining the original look and feel of the house and adding only a few homey touches. The Mercedes parked in the driveway, however, and the massive RV sitting alongside the garage belied her wealth. Cas sucked in a deep breath as he pulled the rental car onto the blacktopped driveway. 

“Not what I expected,” Dean noted, looking around. 

“The place in Missouri is much more extravagant. I think that’s why Mother prefers this one,” Cas told him. “Samandriel likes the other one better, but what Mother wants, Mother gets. He stays here with her because he is nothing if not the dutiful son. I expect he’ll move permanently when she’s gone.”

They removed their bags from the trunk and trudged toward the hunter green door. Cas’ heart was thudding in his chest as he pressed the doorbell and waited for an answer. “Here goes nothing,” Dean murmured. 

The door was opened by a pretty redheaded woman, who was promptly shooed away by Castiel’s younger brother, Samandriel. 

“Castiel! It’s been too long!” He greeted, stepping forward to hug his brother. Cas smiled, and returned the embrace. 

“It has,” he replied. “Samandriel, this is Dean. Dean, my brother Samandriel. Or Alfie, as Gabriel and I like to call him.” 

Samandriel shook Dean’s hand and smiled. “Please don’t call me by that horrible nickname,” he asked, and Dean laughed. 

“Come on in, Mother has been beside herself waiting for you to arrive,” Samandriel told them, stepping back into the house to let them pass through. “You can just put your bags down here.” 

They deposited their luggage by the stairs and followed Samandriel back into a large sitting room, where Dean got his first glimpse of Naomi Novak-Allen. She was wearing a stern grey pants suit, with her dark hair pulled back into a severe bun. But she smiled genuinely when she saw her middle child come into the room, her grey eyes flicking to Dean only for a moment, before she made her way to Castiel to hug him tightly. 

“Hello Mother,” he said, his voice monotone. 

“Hello, darling. It has been far too long,” she told him. “And who is this with you? I didn’t know you were traveling with someone.” 

“Mother, this is Dean Winchester,” Castiel introduced, tip toeing around his actual relationship with the other man like they had discussed. “Dean, this is my mother, Naomi Novak-Allen.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Naomi said, offering her hand to him, which he grasped firmly and shook. 

“Nice to meet you too, ma’am,” Dean drawled. 

“Anna, please make sure there’s a room ready for Dean as well. Thank you,” She requested, addressing the woman who had opened the door, who was standing quietly by the entry to the room. “Please, come sit down. I’m sure you’re exhausted. Traveling is never enjoyable.” They made themselves comfortable on opposite ends of the couch across from the one Naomi was sitting on. Samandriel joined her. “Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Tea?” 

“No, we’re ok,” Cas declined.

“So, Dean - how do you know my Castiel?” Naomi asked, sitting forward and pouring herself a cup of tea from the set on the coffee table in front of her. 

“Castiel and I live together,” Dean told her. They had discussed how they would answer Naomi’s questions in the time before Castiel broke the news of his sexuality to her, and decided to play it off as if they were simply roommates. 

“Mmm, I had forgotten that Gabriel moved in with his Hindu,” she remarked, sipping her tea. 

“Her name is Kali,” Cas told her. 

“Yes, yes.” She waved her hand dismissively. “What do you do, Dean?” 

“Oh, I own an auto repair and restoration business. I moved to Kansas City to open our second location,” he smiled charmingly at Castiel’s mother. 

“And why is a handsome young man like yourself living with my son, instead of in a nice house with a wife and children?” Naomi raised an eyebrow and Dean shrugged her off. 

“Oh, Lisa and I split up a few years back. Ben lives with her, I didn’t want to make him change schools or anything,” Dean was naturally very good at making people like him, and although Cas could see his mother was trying very hard not to, Dean was making an equal effort to sway her. “Ben comes over when he doesn’t have anything going on for school. Our arrangement isn’t much different from Cas and Daphne’s with Claire. And I’d say our house is pretty nice, wouldn’t you, Cas?”

Naomi cleared her throat, preparing to say something. Cas knew it was time to cut and run, before she started delving into his personal life. He wasn’t ready for that. “You know, Mother, I’m quite tired. Is there a chance I could go lay down for a bit? When is supper?” He asked. 

“Oh! Of course, dear. Dean, do you need a rest as well? I need to go into town and get a few things. Samandriel will of course come with me, and I’ll ask the help to leave you be, give you boys time to recoup. Castiel you know your way around. I put you in your old room of course. I’m guessing Dean will be in Gabriel’s. Anna should have it ready by now.”

They made their exit and retreated to Castiel’s room. Thankfully, Gabriel and Castiel’s rooms were joined by a bathroom, giving them a chance to be alone without having to move through the hallway. They each ducked into their respective room, shut and locked the door, and headed into the adjoining area. 

“Fuck, Cas, she’s intense,” Dean hissed as soon as they met in the middle. 

“I know. I’m sorry. You did well,” Cas whispered, wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist and pulling their bodies together. “She’s suspicious.” 

“Because you brought some random guy home on your first visit in God knows how long? It’s no wonder,” Dean remarked. Cas leaned his forehead against Dean’s shoulder and sighed. 

“I’m going to have to tell her tonight,” he murmured. “She’s going to pick at it until I do. She’s like a dog with a bone once she gets on something.” 

“We can still get out of here without doing it,” Dean suggested. 

“No… it’s time, Dean. She needs to know,” Castiel relented. Dean took Cas’ hand in his own and led him back to his bed, where they laid down and curled into one another. Dean pulled Cas’ back against his chest and kissed the back of his neck, rubbing his arm soothingly. Cas stared straight ahead, looking at his old dresser and wondering what his life might be like if he’d had the courage to do this before now. 

“I love you,” Dean whispered. “I love you and nothing will ever change that.” 

Dean was his courage, of course. The other man had given him the fortitude to admit his true feelings, and to become who he was meant to be. Without Dean, he’d still be unhappy and tied down with Daphne. He couldn’t have done this before, because he didn’t have anyone to do it for.

“I love you too,” he whispered back, before they drifted into a light sleep, exhausted from their trip and worn out from emotion. 

 

Dinner was ready when they went downstairs some time later. It was served in the dining room, which was set on the other side of the stairs from the sitting room. Although there were only four of them, Naomi insisted they use the formal dining table, and the good China. She sat at the head of the table, directly underneath an old family photo that Dean found amusing. It was obviously a younger version of the woman herself, and a man she assumed was her late husband Bartholomew, and each of the three boys. Gabriel, tow headed and grinning, looked every bit the trickster he still was. Castiel seemed very serious underneath a neat haircut, with a baby - presumably Alfie - in his arms. For some reason Dean found the picture equal parts funny and sad. 

Anna served the dinner along with a dark haired young woman whose name wasn’t offered. The meal was different fare from what they were used to, asparagus and mozzarella stuffed chicken served with a salad and wine. At home, Dean and Cas tended to eat lots of old fashioned meat and potatoes. The conversation was light, focused on Claire and Ben, the ministry, and Dean’s business. But as soon as the dishes were cleared away and dessert was served, Cas turned to Naomi and Dean knew what he was going to do. 

“Mother, there’s something I need to talk to you about,” he said. Naomi looked at him over the rim of her fresh cup of coffee, and apparently that was enough prompting for Cas to continue talking. “Dean didn’t just come along because I didn’t want to travel alone. He came because I wanted him to meet you, because we’re in a relationship.” 

“A relationship?” Naomi repeated, and Castiel nodded. 

“Yes. Dean is my boyfriend.” He heard Samandriel draw in a shocked breath from his right, but his gaze remained on the woman sitting to his left, who had set down her delicate China mug and pursed her lips. 

“I’m not sure I understand,” she said. 

“Mother, the reason Daphne and I divorced, it was because I’m gay,” Castiel decided it was best just to drop the subtleties and say it outright. Naomi’s eyebrows inches up her forehead and he waited for her inevitable anger. 

“Excuse me?” 

“I know how you feel about homosexuality, Mother. I’m not asking for you to understand. I just…. Needed to finally tell you.” Naomi’s face was red now, and Castiel wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and swallowed hard. He’d finally done it, finally come out to his Mother. When she spoke again, her words were acidic. 

“You’re sick,” she spat. “That’s the only explanation.” 

“It’s not something you just come down with,” Castiel corrected. 

“You had a wife. Have a child,” Naomi snapped. “Obviously something happened that made you think this way. Was it you, Dean? Did you turn my son against nature? I didn’t raise a sodomite.” She turned to Dean now, who had been trying hard to keep himself as quiet and unobtrusive as possible. He cleared his throat before answering. 

“No ma’am,” he replied. Castiel slammed a hand down on the table. 

“Don’t turn this on Dean,” he snapped. “He wasn’t even part of my life when Daphne and I separated.” 

“Then what happened, Castiel?” Naomi asked, as if she was truly confused. 

“I’ve always been gay, Mother. I just got tired of hiding,” he replied. 

“You weren’t gay when you lived under my roof,” she asserted, and Samandriel snorted. 

“You never saw his collection of Men’s Fitness magazines,” he noted, and Naomi turned her furious gaze on him, causing him to shrink back. 

“I was,” Cas told her. “I’ve known since I was 12.” 

“You’ll burn in Hell,” Naomi warned. “You both will.” She looked at Dean again, who shrugged. 

“Ma’am, with all due respect, I don’t think God gives a rat’s ass who I love,” Dean noted. “And if I burn in Hell for loving your son, it will have been worth it.” Castiel was trembling, his nerves finally catching up with him, but he managed a shaky smile at his boyfriend. 

“You know I can’t allow this,” Naomi said. “If you wish to overcome your sin, Castiel, I will help you. But if you choose to continue it, you’ll have to be written out of the will, and out of the Ministry.” 

“And we’ll pretend he doesn’t exist, like you try to do with Gabriel?” Samandriel spoke up again. “So I can lose another brother?” 

“This is not your discussion,” Naomi snapped at him and Samandriel snarled back at her. 

“Yes, it very much is. Castiel is my brother. Gabriel is my brother. I’m tired of you pushing them away just because they don’t love the people you want them to!” His face was red and angry and Castiel was startled by his brother’s outburst. It was unlike Alfie to stand up to their mother. “I never get to see Gabriel, and I hardly see Castiel, I suspect because he knew you wouldn’t approve of his having a boyfriend. I’m tired of acting like it doesn’t bother me.” 

“Samandriel,” Naomi started, but Castiel cut her off. 

“How do you feel about my relationship with Dean?” He asked his brother, and Samandriel shrugged. 

“As long as you’re happy,” his younger brother replied. “Then it’s good enough for me.” 

“Samandriel!” Naomi repeated. 

“No, Mother,” the youngest Allen replied. “I agree with Dean. I think God has greater concerns than mutual love between two consenting adults.” 

There was a tense silence then, Naomi’s eyes darting between her sons, Castiel and Samandriel staring at her, Dean attempting not to intrude on what felt like an intensely family moment. “Well,” Naomi huffed after a few long moments. “It would appear I won’t be able to enjoy this cup of coffee while it is still hot.”  


“Dean and I are going to stay at the Super 8,” Castiel told her. “It’s clear we aren’t welcome here.” 

“Cas, don’t leave,” Alfie pleaded, and Castiel shook his head. 

“No, Alfie. I won’t stay under her roof, not tonight, maybe not ever. I promise to be in touch with you soon.” With that, Castiel pushed away from the table and left the room. Dean stood up as well, but before he turned to leave, he looked at Naomi. 

“I love your son, Mrs. Allen, and I intend to marry him, someday. I’m not going anywhere.” Then he followed his boyfriend’s retreating form from the room.


End file.
